Anonymous
Post 08/09/2013 13:51     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Dear MIL,

We were not planning to buy you a used car for Christmas. Saving the $100 we would have spent on your gift would cover approximately 1/8 of airfare for 1 of the 5 of us.

DH and I agree that this is an important family event, and that's why we are budgeting for him to attend while I stay here by myself for five full days taking care of all three children on my own.

We hope you have a great time in Hawaii. The kids and I will miss you all and will look forward to seeing the pictures when DH returns.

Love, DIL
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2013 22:52     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
DH's cousin married wife # 1 - we paid to fly to west coast, the gift, hotel and rented car.

Divorced the 1st wife and married wife # 2 - Destination wedding. We did not attend (only 11 people were in the wedding party including the bride, groom and the parents). We did send stuff from their wedding registry worth $300. No acknowledgement. We never met the bride.

Recently married wife # 3 - did not attend and did not send any gift or even a card.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2013 20:27     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:My BIL is having a destination wedding next year. Round-trip flights are averaging in the $800 range. We can not afford for our family of five to attend (the kids are ages 5, 3, and 3). I let my husband know he is more than welcome to attend by himself and I will stay at home with the kids. Because of the travel distance and various wedding events, he would be gone 5 nights.

This past weekend, MIL went on and on about the wedding. She asked me if the kids were looking forward to the plane ride. I realized that DH never told MIL that only he was going to be able to go. So I stumbled around with my words but let her know that we were not attending due to the prohibitive cost. She was furious! "How could the kids miss their uncle's wedding, etc." At most, they see their uncle once a year. I told her kids would be fine, and that I'm pretty sure uncle would be fine too. Then MIL ranted how this uncle made the effort to attend our wedding. Um, he drove four hours and shared a hotel room with you.

Today, I received an e-mail from MIL expressing, once again, her disappointment. I forwarded to DH and asked him to respond to her from now on about the wedding. I don't think I'll be able to take this for the next 6 months.

Question: Are we wrong not to attend this wedding? Should we suck it up and save the $6000 it will cost us to attend?


You are fine. This happens all the time with destination weddings or weddings that children cannot make. One spouse goes.
I'm sorry that DH didn't communicate this right away, that's weak. It should be his issue now.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2013 19:39     Subject: Re:Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Here's an excerpt from MIL's e-mail (names are fake):

"I am still upset that all of you are not coming to Fred and Ginger's wedding. This is an important and joyous occasion that will happen once in a lifetime. Can't you find a way to save the money? It's over 6 months away. We don't need Christmas presents this year."

I did not respond and forwarded to DH. Sigh.


"I am sorry that you are so upset, and agree that this is an important occasion. We are sorry to have to miss it. Can't wait to see all the pictures! Also, thank you for the reprieve of Christmas gifts this year--what a thoughtful money-saver for us! We will use the savings for that big two-wheeler Larla was hoping for."
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 11:48     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:Wow-- a flight from DC to Hawaii with three kids? and back? That is NO vacation, man! I don't think your bil would be shocked to learn you can't all come.


True, a lot of the invitees probably won't be able to make it due to costs/time/logistical issues. That's to be expected.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 11:05     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Wow-- a flight from DC to Hawaii with three kids? and back? That is NO vacation, man! I don't think your bil would be shocked to learn you can't all come.
Anonymous
Post 08/07/2013 09:44     Subject: Re:Destination wedding a no-go
ThatSmileyFaceGuy wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hawaii - and yes, an expensive resort. We live in DC - would be very hare to drive there.


Drive to California and rent a canoe, You'll have awesome arms by the time you get there... Start now


Or go out and spend your next paycheck on lotto tickets. Who knows? Maybe you'll luck out. If not, the kayak is a smart backup option.
ThatSmileyFaceGuy
Post 08/07/2013 09:40     Subject: Re:Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hawaii - and yes, an expensive resort. We live in DC - would be very hare to drive there.


Drive to California and rent a canoe, You'll have awesome arms by the time you get there... Start now
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 23:26     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, totally agree. I HATE destination weddings. What an imposition (and huge expense) put on everyone. We just RSVP no to all of them and put them in the circular file. It might be fun for the bride and groom but for the rest of us that have lives, kids, tuition payments, homework, college looming, it's just not a wise expenditure of time or money

then don't go




I don't. That's what "put in circular file" means. Trash can.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 21:30     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Gee, it's not like MIL expects you to haul the entire family to Australia or Antartica...lol.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 20:04     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, totally agree. I HATE destination weddings. What an imposition (and huge expense) put on everyone. We just RSVP no to all of them and put them in the circular file. It might be fun for the bride and groom but for the rest of us that have lives, kids, tuition payments, homework, college looming, it's just not a wise expenditure of time or money


Oh heck, I'd be up for one of those posh resort type affairs if I could afford it. Trouble is - I can't afford it.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 19:31     Subject: Re:Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Hawaii - and yes, an expensive resort. We live in DC - would be very hare to drive there.


Holy Shit. HAWAII!??

Nooooo Way.


And THAT about sums it up, lol.


Yup. OP put this shit out of your mind and don't waste another single second on it.
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 19:26     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, totally agree. I HATE destination weddings. What an imposition (and huge expense) put on everyone. We just RSVP no to all of them and put them in the circular file. It might be fun for the bride and groom but for the rest of us that have lives, kids, tuition payments, homework, college looming, it's just not a wise expenditure of time or money

then don't go
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 17:51     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
braces, school expenses, activity fees, doctor's visits, instruments, shoes, clothes, feeding a family...
Anonymous
Post 08/06/2013 17:28     Subject: Destination wedding a no-go
Yeah, totally agree. I HATE destination weddings. What an imposition (and huge expense) put on everyone. We just RSVP no to all of them and put them in the circular file. It might be fun for the bride and groom but for the rest of us that have lives, kids, tuition payments, homework, college looming, it's just not a wise expenditure of time or money