I'm betting OP contributed plenty to get the icy non-response.

If OP were into being the bigger person, she wouldn't have bothered posting here, and she would have just ignored the behavior.

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry to see you get e-jumped. This topic can really bring out the crazy in some people. If your SIL is like some of the posters in this thread, it's probably best you don't hear from her anytime soon.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- you really need to dial it back. You named this thread "SIL Jealous of Pregnancy." That's mighty presumptuous of you. Then you write that you were expecting a phone call or email. And then your brother didn't give the excited reaction you were hoping for. Guess what---NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PREGNANCY!

Infertility is a pain that you would not wish on your worst enemy. Please don't be one of those people that acknowledges it, but then expects folks going through it to rally some excitement just for you. It doesn't work like that. Your brother and SIL want nothing more than to make that phone call announcing their pregnancy. Every month they wait and pray for that moment. Month after month they are crushed with that blank pregnancy test.

Back off. They'll contact you when they're ready.

I agree. Back off. It is not about you, not at all.

My BFF from childhood married in her 40s and she and her DH could not have children. She and I are Facebook friends and she comments and "likes" practically everything I post, *except* stuff about my kids. She ignores that they exist. And she never, ever asks about them.

At first it bothered me, but no longer. It is not about my kids and me; it is about her. I have not walked in her shoes and have no idea what it feels like to her to see my kids' photos. If refraining from commenting helps her to cope, well, then that's what she should do.

But it's not only about her. Relatuinships are about both, and the fact she behaves like it is her alone is, at the very least rude. She is supposed to suck it up, just like sick people suck it up that others are healthy, unemployed that others have careers, fat that others are thin etc etc etc. Why is IF so special? Since when is jealousy such a respectable attitude?

It's not jealousy Einstein -- it is pain

If its pain, then why does it matter whether someone else is pregnant? If somebody lost an arm, still people would expect them to congratulate pregnancy.

No, it's not pain, it's jelaousy, plain and simple. Yet everybody is supposed to play along. Next thing you know, pregnant women will have to apologize to everyone unhappy with their own number od children.

OP, sorry to see you get e-jumped. This topic can really bring out the crazy in some people. If your SIL is like some of the posters in this thread, it's probably best you don't hear from her anytime soon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- you really need to dial it back. You named this thread "SIL Jealous of Pregnancy." That's mighty presumptuous of you. Then you write that you were expecting a phone call or email. And then your brother didn't give the excited reaction you were hoping for. Guess what---NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PREGNANCY!

Infertility is a pain that you would not wish on your worst enemy. Please don't be one of those people that acknowledges it, but then expects folks going through it to rally some excitement just for you. It doesn't work like that. Your brother and SIL want nothing more than to make that phone call announcing their pregnancy. Every month they wait and pray for that moment. Month after month they are crushed with that blank pregnancy test.

Back off. They'll contact you when they're ready.

I agree. Back off. It is not about you, not at all.

My BFF from childhood married in her 40s and she and her DH could not have children. She and I are Facebook friends and she comments and "likes" practically everything I post, *except* stuff about my kids. She ignores that they exist. And she never, ever asks about them.

At first it bothered me, but no longer. It is not about my kids and me; it is about her. I have not walked in her shoes and have no idea what it feels like to her to see my kids' photos. If refraining from commenting helps her to cope, well, then that's what she should do.

But it's not only about her. Relatuinships are about both, and the fact she behaves like it is her alone is, at the very least rude. She is supposed to suck it up, just like sick people suck it up that others are healthy, unemployed that others have careers, fat that others are thin etc etc etc. Why is IF so special? Since when is jealousy such a respectable attitude?

It's not jealousy Einstein -- it is pain

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- you really need to dial it back. You named this thread "SIL Jealous of Pregnancy." That's mighty presumptuous of you. Then you write that you were expecting a phone call or email. And then your brother didn't give the excited reaction you were hoping for. Guess what---NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PREGNANCY!

Infertility is a pain that you would not wish on your worst enemy. Please don't be one of those people that acknowledges it, but then expects folks going through it to rally some excitement just for you. It doesn't work like that. Your brother and SIL want nothing more than to make that phone call announcing their pregnancy. Every month they wait and pray for that moment. Month after month they are crushed with that blank pregnancy test.

Back off. They'll contact you when they're ready.

I agree. Back off. It is not about you, not at all.

My BFF from childhood married in her 40s and she and her DH could not have children. She and I are Facebook friends and she comments and "likes" practically everything I post, *except* stuff about my kids. She ignores that they exist. And she never, ever asks about them.

At first it bothered me, but no longer. It is not about my kids and me; it is about her. I have not walked in her shoes and have no idea what it feels like to her to see my kids' photos. If refraining from commenting helps her to cope, well, then that's what she should do.

But it's not only about her. Relatuinships are about both, and the fact she behaves like it is her alone is, at the very least rude. She is supposed to suck it up, just like sick people suck it up that others are healthy, unemployed that others have careers, fat that others are thin etc etc etc. Why is IF so special? Since when is jealousy such a respectable attitude?

Anonymous wrote:OP-- you really need to dial it back. You named this thread "SIL Jealous of Pregnancy." That's mighty presumptuous of you. Then you write that you were expecting a phone call or email. And then your brother didn't give the excited reaction you were hoping for. Guess what---NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PREGNANCY!

Infertility is a pain that you would not wish on your worst enemy. Please don't be one of those people that acknowledges it, but then expects folks going through it to rally some excitement just for you. It doesn't work like that. Your brother and SIL want nothing more than to make that phone call announcing their pregnancy. Every month they wait and pray for that moment. Month after month they are crushed with that blank pregnancy test.

Back off. They'll contact you when they're ready.

I agree. Back off. It is not about you, not at all.

My BFF from childhood married in her 40s and she and her DH could not have children. She and I are Facebook friends and she comments and "likes" practically everything I post, *except* stuff about my kids. She ignores that they exist. And she never, ever asks about them.

At first it bothered me, but no longer. It is not about my kids and me; it is about her. I have not walked in her shoes and have no idea what it feels like to her to see my kids' photos. If refraining from commenting helps her to cope, well, then that's what she should do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are horrible. You know what they are going through and all you care about is yourself. You better learn to be more understanding and less judgmental before you have your child. I told my best friend (I was her maid of honor, etc.) that I was pregnant 4 months ago and haven't heard a word from her since. I know she is struggling with infertility so it hasn't bothered me one bit. I know she will come around when she is ready and I don't need any more attention. Get over yourself. You almost seem like you want to rub it in.

I think the situation you're describing is odd. Sure, your friend is struggling with infertility but she is also your best friend, and to just completely leave your life like that is really harsh. I don't understand these extreme reactions from the person struggling from infertility. Why the need to shut the pregnant person out of their life completely?

Get a grip!
If this poster is not bothered by her friend's reaction why are you?
I have a child, but struggled with multiple pregnancy losses and this was not my reaction...but I do UNDERSTAND how some struggling with infertility can react in this manner...
And if her friend has enough compassion, love, and understanding for her friend who is in a lot of pain...YEA for her...what a wonderful friend...and likely mother...

Why is the compassion, love and understanding a one way street?

Just curious why you think it is incumbent on people who are fertile to walk on eggshells around people who aren't. Do parents of special needs kids get to ignore the milestones of the children of their friends and relatives, say graduation from high school? Aren't all of us grown-ups, and can we not find a balance?

I agree with this 100%. Just because someone is going through infertility doesn't raise them to some sort of superhuman status, where everyone else should be tiptoeing around them and be understanding when they can't even muster up common courtesy which would be expected in other situations.

And when the SIL announces her pregnancy eventually, should OP be super enthusiastic with her congratulations then, when SIL ignored her pregnancy? I don't think so. OP should show the same level of enthusiasm to SIL that SIL showed to her--i.e. none.

+100
Some people get things that others dream about all the time. So nobody is ever supposed to mention their successes? My parents died when I was young. Everyne I know references their living parents, great times they had dying holidays etc. all the time. Are they all supposed to shut up? Am I justified in ignoring them?

This is going beyond ridiculous. Yes, IF couples in fact have an obligation to follow ordinary rules of decency just like everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are horrible. You know what they are going through and all you care about is yourself. You better learn to be more understanding and less judgmental before you have your child. I told my best friend (I was her maid of honor, etc.) that I was pregnant 4 months ago and haven't heard a word from her since. I know she is struggling with infertility so it hasn't bothered me one bit. I know she will come around when she is ready and I don't need any more attention. Get over yourself. You almost seem like you want to rub it in.

I think the situation you're describing is odd. Sure, your friend is struggling with infertility but she is also your best friend, and to just completely leave your life like that is really harsh. I don't understand these extreme reactions from the person struggling from infertility. Why the need to shut the pregnant person out of their life completely?

Get a grip!
If this poster is not bothered by her friend's reaction why are you?
I have a child, but struggled with multiple pregnancy losses and this was not my reaction...but I do UNDERSTAND how some struggling with infertility can react in this manner...
And if her friend has enough compassion, love, and understanding for her friend who is in a lot of pain...YEA for her...what a wonderful friend...and likely mother...

Why is the compassion, love and understanding a one way street?

Just curious why you think it is incumbent on people who are fertile to walk on eggshells around people who aren't. Do parents of special needs kids get to ignore the milestones of the children of their friends and relatives, say graduation from high school? Aren't all of us grown-ups, and can we not find a balance?

I agree with this 100%. Just because someone is going through infertility doesn't raise them to some sort of superhuman status, where everyone else should be tiptoeing around them and be understanding when they can't even muster up common courtesy which would be expected in other situations.

And when the SIL announces her pregnancy eventually, should OP be super enthusiastic with her congratulations then, when SIL ignored her pregnancy? I don't think so. OP should show the same level of enthusiasm to SIL that SIL showed to her--i.e. none.

that is just immature and lacks so much insight it is unreal

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are horrible. You know what they are going through and all you care about is yourself. You better learn to be more understanding and less judgmental before you have your child. I told my best friend (I was her maid of honor, etc.) that I was pregnant 4 months ago and haven't heard a word from her since. I know she is struggling with infertility so it hasn't bothered me one bit. I know she will come around when she is ready and I don't need any more attention. Get over yourself. You almost seem like you want to rub it in.

I think the situation you're describing is odd. Sure, your friend is struggling with infertility but she is also your best friend, and to just completely leave your life like that is really harsh. I don't understand these extreme reactions from the person struggling from infertility. Why the need to shut the pregnant person out of their life completely?

Get a grip!
If this poster is not bothered by her friend's reaction why are you?
I have a child, but struggled with multiple pregnancy losses and this was not my reaction...but I do UNDERSTAND how some struggling with infertility can react in this manner...
And if her friend has enough compassion, love, and understanding for her friend who is in a lot of pain...YEA for her...what a wonderful friend...and likely mother...

Why is the compassion, love and understanding a one way street?

Just curious why you think it is incumbent on people who are fertile to walk on eggshells around people who aren't. Do parents of special needs kids get to ignore the milestones of the children of their friends and relatives, say graduation from high school? Aren't all of us grown-ups, and can we not find a balance?

I agree with this 100%. Just because someone is going through infertility doesn't raise them to some sort of superhuman status, where everyone else should be tiptoeing around them and be understanding when they can't even muster up common courtesy which would be expected in other situations.

And when the SIL announces her pregnancy eventually, should OP be super enthusiastic with her congratulations then, when SIL ignored her pregnancy? I don't think so. OP should show the same level of enthusiasm to SIL that SIL showed to her--i.e. none.

I doubt a congratulations from the SIL would placate the OP. Her brother was told and OP categorized his response as less than stellar. There are people out there who will never be pleased. I also suspect the brother and SIL indifference has less to do with infertility, and more to do with the long standing rift OP hinted at.

Playing Devil's advocate, perhaps the brother was offended that his own sister did not make the announcement to him, but rather let her husband do it. And maybe the SIL felt that if they couldn't tell her themselves, her husband's congratulations were enough. Maybe this entire family is filled to the brim with hypersensitive individuals.

OP, I understand where you are coming from. I think you did try to tell your brother and SIL in a sensitive way.

I don't think the OP is expecting the SIL to be elated for her, but a simple acknowledgment is certainly called for. How are they going to treat this child, who will be their niece/nephew on it is born? Be bitter and ignore it? IF is a special kind of pain, I struggled with it and RPL for 4 years. It is heartbreaking I know, but the reality is that other women will still get pregnant and babies will still be born.

Maybe I handled it differently than others, but I never felt unable to congratulate another woman on her pregnancy. I never felt anyone was rubbing their fertility in my face anymore than I feel people rub their mobility in my face when I am in my wheelchair.

Give the OP a break,
Congratulations on your pregnancy OP!

OP, don't expect so much from your SIL. Unfortunately she is not capable. I do also want to say that infertility is not an excuse to be rude and your SIL was probably a rude person before infertility struck. I write this as an IVF patient who suffered greatly but chose to buck up and be gracious to expecting friends and family. It was not always easy but I am so proud of the way I conducted myself. I understand not everyone can do that and I agree OP is best served to drop the matter but I think SIL needs to get a bit of a grip too.

OP, I have news for you: Your SIL can't stand you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the poster with the friend who is ignoring me. She lives in another state and I have known her long enough to know that the more she feels the need to ignore me the more pain she is in. I have had periods where I haven't been a great friend to some people for various reasons and I will always appreciate my true friends who understood and did not push me for more than I could give at the time. I know this friend will come around eventually. It's not like I want to talk to her about pregnancy and baby things anyway when I know it hurts her. There are more than enough other people with children that I can talk to. I do hope that she will be ok enough to come to my shower but if not I will be ok with it.

I do not get why people are bothered when you are not

That explains it. You admit that you aren't always a great friend. So you understand being dropped as a friend.

I would never expect someone struggling with infertility to attend a baby shower. That is insane. And who the hell would talk about pregnancy to a friend you know is raw about infertility? But to say at least that she needs time is a basic courtesy. Basic courtesy isn't pushing; it's the bare minimum required by etiquette.

And for those who think I don't have any clue about this: I had a late miscarriage (I was 14+ weeks) two weeks before hosting a baby shower for a friend. Was it easy? Nope, but I managed to be there for my friend, and everyone had a great time at her shower. It is possible to sincerely celebrate the good fortune of others, you know.