Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 21:28     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).


Are you very specific with him? Like, on the night you're going out, do you say to him, "You need to have the children bathed, put in their PJs, and put to bed before I get home at X time." Some guys are really clueless and need that dumbed-down level of instruction. Have you ever thought about going to at least one marital counseling session together, just to see if there is a better way to get the message across to him that you are feeling so frayed?


I get what this poster is saying, but it really sucks to have to parent your spouse like that and give him a list of chores. Then if he doesnt follow through won't OP be twice as angry? Does she have to also make dinner before she leaves to relax, clean up after, and micromanage the whole thing? Not relaxing IMO.



Op here. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes I need to give a list and most of the time he won't do it bc he "forgot" or is too tired, etc. Anything lame. He's not an asshole, he's just lazy and takes me WAAAAY for granted.


If he ignores even specific requests from you, gives lame excuses, is really lazy, and take you for granted to the point that you are exhausted and feel fried, then sorry, he sounds like a total a-hole.

+1
Definitely an assh'le. He is sh'tting all over you.


Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 09:13     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Hire a sitter when you go out, one that's extremely expensive and cooks and cleans up. Maybe a friend's nanny for the evening. Do this while you go out and DH is home. Make him pay her when you come home and see that he feels like a selfish lazy jerk.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 09:10     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).


Are you very specific with him? Like, on the night you're going out, do you say to him, "You need to have the children bathed, put in their PJs, and put to bed before I get home at X time." Some guys are really clueless and need that dumbed-down level of instruction. Have you ever thought about going to at least one marital counseling session together, just to see if there is a better way to get the message across to him that you are feeling so frayed?


I get what this poster is saying, but it really sucks to have to parent your spouse like that and give him a list of chores. Then if he doesnt follow through won't OP be twice as angry? Does she have to also make dinner before she leaves to relax, clean up after, and micromanage the whole thing? Not relaxing IMO.


Op here. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes I need to give a list and most of the time he won't do it bc he "forgot" or is too tired, etc. Anything lame. He's not an asshole, he's just lazy and takes me WAAAAY for granted.


If he ignores even specific requests from you, gives lame excuses, is really lazy, and take you for granted to the point that you are exhausted and feel fried, then sorry, he sounds like a total a-hole.

+1
Definitely an assh'le. He is sh'tting all over you.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 13:26     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).


Are you very specific with him? Like, on the night you're going out, do you say to him, "You need to have the children bathed, put in their PJs, and put to bed before I get home at X time." Some guys are really clueless and need that dumbed-down level of instruction. Have you ever thought about going to at least one marital counseling session together, just to see if there is a better way to get the message across to him that you are feeling so frayed?


I get what this poster is saying, but it really sucks to have to parent your spouse like that and give him a list of chores. Then if he doesnt follow through won't OP be twice as angry? Does she have to also make dinner before she leaves to relax, clean up after, and micromanage the whole thing? Not relaxing IMO.


Op here. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes I need to give a list and most of the time he won't do it bc he "forgot" or is too tired, etc. Anything lame. He's not an asshole, he's just lazy and takes me WAAAAY for granted.


If he ignores even specific requests from you, gives lame excuses, is really lazy, and take you for granted to the point that you are exhausted and feel fried, then sorry, he sounds like a total a-hole.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 13:20     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Possibly depression. Or maybe just plain (justifiable) anger about your DH's lack of help and emotional support.

Try some therapy. You need and deserve support. My advice is to try that once a week for a few months before trying any medicine. The therapy may do the trick by itself, but if not, you'll have a therapist already in place to support and oversee if you try antidepressant or anti anxiety meds. GL!
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 12:05     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).


Are you very specific with him? Like, on the night you're going out, do you say to him, "You need to have the children bathed, put in their PJs, and put to bed before I get home at X time." Some guys are really clueless and need that dumbed-down level of instruction. Have you ever thought about going to at least one marital counseling session together, just to see if there is a better way to get the message across to him that you are feeling so frayed?


I get what this poster is saying, but it really sucks to have to parent your spouse like that and give him a list of chores. Then if he doesnt follow through won't OP be twice as angry? Does she have to also make dinner before she leaves to relax, clean up after, and micromanage the whole thing? Not relaxing IMO.


Op here. Yes, it's exhausting. Yes I need to give a list and most of the time he won't do it bc he "forgot" or is too tired, etc. Anything lame. He's not an asshole, he's just lazy and takes me WAAAAY for granted.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 11:56     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).


Are you very specific with him? Like, on the night you're going out, do you say to him, "You need to have the children bathed, put in their PJs, and put to bed before I get home at X time." Some guys are really clueless and need that dumbed-down level of instruction. Have you ever thought about going to at least one marital counseling session together, just to see if there is a better way to get the message across to him that you are feeling so frayed?


I get what this poster is saying, but it really sucks to have to parent your spouse like that and give him a list of chores. Then if he doesnt follow through won't OP be twice as angry? Does she have to also make dinner before she leaves to relax, clean up after, and micromanage the whole thing? Not relaxing IMO.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 11:34     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
I also think you need a housecleaner. That might allow you some "you" time. Your situation sounds very overwhelming.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 11:29     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
OP you need babysitters if your husband is super busy and also useless when he's home. That way you can make plans go to yoga or out w friends without having to wait for a night when he gets off work "early" and also without knowing the kids will be barely taken care of bc he's in charge.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 11:17     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)

Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).


Are you very specific with him? Like, on the night you're going out, do you say to him, "You need to have the children bathed, put in their PJs, and put to bed before I get home at X time." Some guys are really clueless and need that dumbed-down level of instruction. Have you ever thought about going to at least one marital counseling session together, just to see if there is a better way to get the message across to him that you are feeling so frayed?

I also agree with the PP who says that it may be time to try outsourcing a little, if you can afford it. Hire a bi-weekly or weekly cleaning service. Order from a healthy meal prep service. Skip the grocery store trips and do Peapod. Get a babysitter once a week for a few hours so that you can get some time to decompress. A happy mom is a good mom -- so you need to take care of yourself too. And your husband needs to get on board with that.

The other month I felt like you described -- just would get incredibly, red-haze angry over dumb things. I booked a 90-minute massage at a reasonably priced spa in my neighborhood, and I swear I walked out of there feeling transformed. It's amazing what 90 minutes and $100 will do for your spirit sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 11:05     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm angry all the time, and I can't identify why. I'm married with a 7 and 4 year old, a SAHM. Thankfully my kids are healthy, DH has a good job (tho with really very long hours - counsel at a big firm). We have a nice home. Etc.

But the last few weeks (months?) I've been really angry and I don't know why. Like for ex., taking the kids to the grocery store today when the kids are "can I have this?" and grabbing stuff when that's annoying to everyone, it makes me almost shake with anger but also sadness, like tears in my eyes. Like I can't deal, I'm losing it. I'm snappy with kids, sometimes DH. It's like my rope is FRIED. But I can't figure out what I feel angry at.

I exercise a few times a week, eat pretty healthily. I try to sleep well but often wake up multiple times per night (though fall asleep ok). I even got bloodowrk checking thyroid and that's fine, as are other things like Vit D. I seem healthy. Please help me, I don't know what's wrong with me.


OP - what do you do for you? I'd imagine your husband's long hours make for very little "you time". What do you do that isn't kid-related, marriage-related, house-related?

By all means, see a doctor. Maybe you need meds on a long-term basis, or maybe just some short-term meds can help. Consider your diet, if you'd like. I've not found any link between my depression and my diet, but YMMV. I'd strongly suggest a counselor. Getting to the root of what made me angry (a lack of time to myself and identity outside of mother/wife) was more helpful than any other remedy. Yes, you have nice things. Yes, you're "doing it all right". That doesn't mean that's enough to make you happy.


Hi, this is OP. I have very little for me. I haven't physically seen my husband since Sunday, and won't tonight either. I know it's a HUGE part of it. Admittedly he does nothing besides work and pay bills, I do EVERYTHING from grill to clean to take out the trash to everything, and he would agree. I think 95% of the time I can deal, the other 5% I lose my shit.


It sounds like you are a de facto single parent, albeit without the financial worries. That is a recipe for emotional exhaustion. Zoloft may help, but taking time for you and getting your husband be more of a husband are likely to be key to feeling good long term.


Op here, I agree. I am just stuck, we've had this talk countless times. He doesn't see it and is just lazy. Like on the rare occasion I go out, like once every 3-4 months, the kids aren't even in jammies in bed (not that I care bc it's truly not a big deal, but it's just illustrative that he does NOTHING).
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 01:06     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm angry all the time, and I can't identify why. I'm married with a 7 and 4 year old, a SAHM. Thankfully my kids are healthy, DH has a good job (tho with really very long hours - counsel at a big firm). We have a nice home. Etc.

But the last few weeks (months?) I've been really angry and I don't know why. Like for ex., taking the kids to the grocery store today when the kids are "can I have this?" and grabbing stuff when that's annoying to everyone, it makes me almost shake with anger but also sadness, like tears in my eyes. Like I can't deal, I'm losing it. I'm snappy with kids, sometimes DH. It's like my rope is FRIED. But I can't figure out what I feel angry at.

I exercise a few times a week, eat pretty healthily. I try to sleep well but often wake up multiple times per night (though fall asleep ok). I even got bloodowrk checking thyroid and that's fine, as are other things like Vit D. I seem healthy. Please help me, I don't know what's wrong with me.


OP - what do you do for you? I'd imagine your husband's long hours make for very little "you time". What do you do that isn't kid-related, marriage-related, house-related?

By all means, see a doctor. Maybe you need meds on a long-term basis, or maybe just some short-term meds can help. Consider your diet, if you'd like. I've not found any link between my depression and my diet, but YMMV. I'd strongly suggest a counselor. Getting to the root of what made me angry (a lack of time to myself and identity outside of mother/wife) was more helpful than any other remedy. Yes, you have nice things. Yes, you're "doing it all right". That doesn't mean that's enough to make you happy.


Hi, this is OP. I have very little for me. I haven't physically seen my husband since Sunday, and won't tonight either. I know it's a HUGE part of it. Admittedly he does nothing besides work and pay bills, I do EVERYTHING from grill to clean to take out the trash to everything, and he would agree. I think 95% of the time I can deal, the other 5% I lose my shit.


It sounds like you are a de facto single parent, albeit without the financial worries. That is a recipe for emotional exhaustion. Zoloft may help, but taking time for you and getting your husband be more of a husband are likely to be key to feeling good long term.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 00:57     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Have you tried a vacation?

I hope things get better for you, OP.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2013 22:28     Subject: What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:OP are you on hormonal birth control? I can't take it because it makes me feel CRAZY. Mad, cranky, out of control.



I've felt this way too on certain BCPs. I've also felt like this when I've gone off of them too. I remember throwing my son notebook across the room when he did his homework wrong one night. I knew it was time to switch back to my old pill.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2013 22:11     Subject: Re:What's wrong with me - help me please. (I'm angry...)
Anonymous wrote:I have angry depression as well. Just like you describe. I take medicine for it. Really helps a lot.


Not OP, but what did you take?