OP, if you quite to be a SAHM, you will basically substitute the hours you spent at work and commuting on childcare, so, whatever you prefer. You still won't get this time back, because you will have a little baby, which will consume all of this time you get away from work. Please don't look at quitting as your way out of being time-strapped, you will continue feeling time strapped just the same and these activities will continue to burden you just like they burden you now, if you feel like your household is so time consuming. If you feel like you just hate your job and it makes you stressed in an of itself, then it's a different story, but if your job is not stressing you out, but the mere fact that you don't have enough time to yourself and feel rushed, this won't get better unless you have a nanny when you SAH. Even when kids get older, there is school stuff, homework, appointments, activities, and more things you will have on your list than what you ever had as a stay home wife.

She is already pregnant. I think you should quit work. Not worth it with such a long commute to be away for so long for so little money after child care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first of all. How much work is it to keep up a childless household? I remember those halcyon days and there was nothing that required having a spouse be home full time for, not like there is with kids.

And what did you mean YOU didn't have time to cook? I'm sorry, but can your husband not cook? And how does this matter? Most childless couple is know either split the duties, cook for themselves, or eat out. That's the nature if being childless. It's awesome!

You're making excuses for a lot of shit.

I mean, seriously. If you found it difficult to manage "quality of life" without children, you are in for the biggest freaking shock of your life.

OP here. Actually, it is a lot of work to keep up a childless household when you live in a SFH, have several pets, also have yardwork to manage, general repairs/maintenance, and have a spouse who works crazy hours and travels a lot for work. Maintaining the home is a part-time job for sure, at least 10 hours per week if not more. I work full-time and don't have time to cook. I am just too tired after working a full day. The last thing I want to do is put together something for dinner. And DH cannot cook because he works 12-14 hours per day, usually isn't home until well after dinner, and doesn't have the energy either. So we get takeout a lot or do frozen dinners, which isn't ideal. Cleaning, yardwork, and errands get pushed to the weekends, and so our weekends are rushed and hectic, which I highly dislike. If I stayed at home, chores, cleaning and errands could be done in a more leisurely fashion, and we could spend more quality time together, instead of cleaning the bathrooms together or doing laundry.

I do find it difficult to manage quality of life without children, but my spouse does not have a normal 9 to 5 job either. it was much easier when DH and I lived in an apartment and there wasn't as much household work to do.

Are you from the U.S.? I hope not. You are the dumbest poster on DCUM, ever.

Please do not reproduce, ever, please. The planet will thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband will lose respect for you, no matter what he claims.

.

+1

Speak for yourselves!

I think a lot of these "suck it up" reactions are in response to a sense that OP thinks she's unusual in not liking work or in being stressed by WOH. So let's just say that: OP, everybody has something they would rather do besides work. You are not unusual in disliking work. We would all like to stay at home, not commute, be more relaxed, take better care of the house, etc. None of us feel like we have enough free time, and so none of us have any sympathy.

Those of us who work do so because we have to financially, or because we get something out of it (e.g., time away from the kids, mental stimulation) that is not available to us through more ideal means (like a full-time nanny to watch the kids while we take pottery classes or whatever).

So, should you suck it up? No. There are very real downsides to not working, but there's nothing "irresponsible" or morally wrong about it. Being unhappy in your job doesn't make me any happier in mine. If financially you don't have to work, and you decide after maternity leave that you're still getting nothing out of it in terms of time, stimulation, marital equality, independence, etc. -- then sure, quit and don't look back. But I'm not sure what you're looking for here in this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Your husband will lose respect for you, no matter what he claims.

.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, first of all. How much work is it to keep up a childless household? I remember those halcyon days and there was nothing that required having a spouse be home full time for, not like there is with kids.

And what did you mean YOU didn't have time to cook? I'm sorry, but can your husband not cook? And how does this matter? Most childless couple is know either split the duties, cook for themselves, or eat out. That's the nature if being childless. It's awesome!

You're making excuses for a lot of shit.

I mean, seriously. If you found it difficult to manage "quality of life" without children, you are in for the biggest freaking shock of your life.

OP here. Actually, it is a lot of work to keep up a childless household when you live in a SFH, have several pets, also have yardwork to manage, general repairs/maintenance, and have a spouse who works crazy hours and travels a lot for work. Maintaining the home is a part-time job for sure, at least 10 hours per week if not more. I work full-time and don't have time to cook. I am just too tired after working a full day. The last thing I want to do is put together something for dinner. And DH cannot cook because he works 12-14 hours per day, usually isn't home until well after dinner, and doesn't have the energy either. So we get takeout a lot or do frozen dinners, which isn't ideal. Cleaning, yardwork, and errands get pushed to the weekends, and so our weekends are rushed and hectic, which I highly dislike. If I stayed at home, chores, cleaning and errands could be done in a more leisurely fashion, and we could spend more quality time together, instead of cleaning the bathrooms together or doing laundry.

I do find it difficult to manage quality of life without children, but my spouse does not have a normal 9 to 5 job either. it was much easier when DH and I lived in an apartment and there wasn't as much household work to do.

Um, no, you won't have much of a leisurely fashion of doing anything unless your kids are in school. If you are already overwhelmed, when this baby comes, multiply it, you will actually have a baby to watch and they need care all the time, it's like a full time job. Add to this sleep deprivation if your kid is not a good sleeper (and in early weeks/months most aren't) and you are up for some rude awakening. You really need to lower your standards as to how much you will be able to get done with a kid in tow, not to mention more than one little kid. You will have to spend your former work-time on them, not on you, or on leisurely doing all these things you are doing now at nights and on weekends. Plus, on weekends and nights, kids don't go away! You not only have to do a lot of what you are now doing now, but add taking care of kids too, that is unless you have help. My advice is, hire help, get a weekly housekeeper, get someone to do repairs on your house and do yardwork, or just let things go and accept that your landscaping and house will not be immaculate.

I am not trying to freak you out, you might feel overwhelmed just because you are pregnant and that makes you naturally more tired and makes even simple things difficult to do. It will get better, you will physically feel more energetic sometime after giving birth. But you still need to set realistic expectations. Nobody found their lives easier once they had kids and found there were less things to do.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't have kids yet, but work full time, am pregnant and in my third trimester currently. We have no family in the area to help so once the baby is born I will be looking into a nanny if I go back to work. But I just don't know if it is worth it. Currently, I love my field and like my job but I dread Mondays, often feel annoyed and stressed during the workday, and feel a huge time crunch to get all my chores and errands done on the weekends (too tired after work to do anything). This makes my weekends stressed and non-relaxing.

The other thing is that I get very little vacation time with my job, and DH gets 5 more weeks than I do, so I feel like his vacation time is wasted, since he ends up doing stay cations. This alone makes me want to quit my job and be a SAHM, so we can do more with his vacation time.

Yes, I do like having my own salary. But that is the only thing I can think of that makes me want to keep working and not be a SAHM. And since I make a piddily amount, I don't even think it's worth it. Also, I am not a career driven person, and my ambition flew out the window years ago. I much prefer to relax and be as stress free as possible, which working is definitely not conducive too. I would not miss my colleagues or work socialization if I quit.

Why don't you have a baby first, go on maternity leave and then decide? Having a baby brings about a lot of changes. Try it and see if it feels more relaxing for you, or if you find it more hectic and will actually need your job to escape. It's a different experience for everyone, if you are truly looking for a relaxing lifestyle, I don't think you'd enjoy being a SAHM. That is unless you married rich and can be a kept woman.

OP here. I forgot to add that we both have very long commutes, one hour to 1.5 each way to work for both of us (in rush hour traffic). That takes up a lot of time too.

Anonymous wrote:OP, first of all. How much work is it to keep up a childless household? I remember those halcyon days and there was nothing that required having a spouse be home full time for, not like there is with kids.

And what did you mean YOU didn't have time to cook? I'm sorry, but can your husband not cook? And how does this matter? Most childless couple is know either split the duties, cook for themselves, or eat out. That's the nature if being childless. It's awesome!

You're making excuses for a lot of shit.

I mean, seriously. If you found it difficult to manage "quality of life" without children, you are in for the biggest freaking shock of your life.

OP here. Actually, it is a lot of work to keep up a childless household when you live in a SFH, have several pets, also have yardwork to manage, general repairs/maintenance, and have a spouse who works crazy hours and travels a lot for work. Maintaining the home is a part-time job for sure, at least 10 hours per week if not more. I work full-time and don't have time to cook. I am just too tired after working a full day. The last thing I want to do is put together something for dinner. And DH cannot cook because he works 12-14 hours per day, usually isn't home until well after dinner, and doesn't have the energy either. So we get takeout a lot or do frozen dinners, which isn't ideal. Cleaning, yardwork, and errands get pushed to the weekends, and so our weekends are rushed and hectic, which I highly dislike. If I stayed at home, chores, cleaning and errands could be done in a more leisurely fashion, and we could spend more quality time together, instead of cleaning the bathrooms together or doing laundry.

I do find it difficult to manage quality of life without children, but my spouse does not have a normal 9 to 5 job either. it was much easier when DH and I lived in an apartment and there wasn't as much household work to do.

Anonymous wrote:I mean, seriously. If you found it difficult to manage "quality of life" without children, you are in for the biggest freaking shock of your life.

lol

OP, first of all. How much work is it to keep up a childless household? I remember those halcyon days and there was nothing that required having a spouse be home full time for, not like there is with kids.

And what did you mean YOU didn't have time to cook? I'm sorry, but can your husband not cook? And how does this matter? Most childless couple is know either split the duties, cook for themselves, or eat out. That's the nature if being childless. It's awesome!

You're making excuses for a lot of shit.

I mean, seriously. If you found it difficult to manage "quality of life" without children, you are in for the biggest freaking shock of your life.

Anonymous wrote:I am all for being a stay at home parent, when you have to make decisions about family life and values, but I am sorry, there is no such things as a stay at home wife or husband.

In the real world, that is called being the unemployed spouse.

Not everyone likes working and it is difficult to not get stressed when it gets crazy. But really, if you are a grown up without kids, get to work. The solution is not to quit, but try to fin d a job that works for you.

If you think working is stressful, how do you think parenting is going to be, esp if you SAH and don't ever get a break? (I WOH and no small par tof that joy is getting away form the kid for a minute).

The more you post, OP, the less I am convinced you are ready emotionally to be a parent.

OP here. I don't think there's anything wrong with being an unemployed spouse if you are taking care of the home, running the errands, doing all the annoying chores that keep a household running and help make life easier for the employed spouse. If one's spouse is fine with the arrangement (as my husband is and always has been), I see nothing wrong with being a stay at home spouse (no kids). There is definitely value in the unemployed spouse taking care of these things, that otherwise are crammed into an already rushed weekend or outsourced to others.

I work full-time, and our quality of life is not nearly as good as it was when I was a stay at home wife years ago. Working full-time I have no energy to cook healthy meals from scratch, so we do take-out, and our weekends are spent rushing around doing chores and errands instead of spending quality time together and feeling replenished from the week. When I think about whether that's worth it, I don't know if it really is.


Now that I'm pregnant and thinking about being a stay at home mom once our baby is born, I just think that perhaps it's worth it for me to stay home to make our lives easier, since I am not that happy working full-time anyway. Earning a paycheck just to earn a paycheck really isn't that important to me since we don't need my salary and since it only makes our quality of life diminish to have 2 full-time working spouses.

But this isn't a decision I plan to make now. I will see how things go on maternity leave. I'm a FTM and don't have any help so I am not sure how things will go when I am taking care of a baby all day and night.

Anonymous wrote:So you didn't mind spending someone else's money? Did you have to ask him for money like he was your dad, or did you just feel entitled to the fruits of someone else's labor? Neither is flattering.

Oh, so the work of a SAHM is worthless? Have you checked childcare rates, housekeeper rates, and nookie rates on the street, lately?

I am all for being a stay at home parent, when you have to make decisions about family life and values, but I am sorry, there is no such things as a stay at home wife or husband.

In the real world, that is called being the unemployed spouse.

Not everyone likes working and it is difficult to not get stressed when it gets crazy. But really, if you are a grown up without kids, get to work. The solution is not to quit, but try to fin d a job that works for you.

If you think working is stressful, how do you think parenting is going to be, esp if you SAH and don't ever get a break? (I WOH and no small par tof that joy is getting away form the kid for a minute).

The more you post, OP, the less I am convinced you are ready emotionally to be a parent.