Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 10:05     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, there may be an underlying problem here. Has your DD ever been evaluated for ADHD/learning disabilities/depression? Sometimes these things come out as they get older and the demands increase. Sometimes when it appears they aren't studying its because something is making it particularly difficult for them.


OP here. She does not have any LD and she's not depressed. Just an underachiever.


Do you and your husband fight a lot? I've been told that marital conflict has a lot to do with underachieving children.


OP here. I'm a single parent. I left her father when she was about 3. We fought all the time and I didn't think it was a good situation for her. I do think her underachieving is due to emotional immaturity. JUst not sure how to resolve it. The issue didn't start showing up until she was about 12 and has progressively gotten worse.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 10:01     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
at that age, electronics (especially the phone) is the best punishment.

My daughter is only 11 so I dont have a phone to take away but I did tell her that if her grades drops this report card her electronics (i.e. DS, pc, iPod) will all be taken away for the summer. I gave her a heads up way in advance. I really hope I dont need to do that because it is going to end up being my headache 2
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 09:57     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, there may be an underlying problem here. Has your DD ever been evaluated for ADHD/learning disabilities/depression? Sometimes these things come out as they get older and the demands increase. Sometimes when it appears they aren't studying its because something is making it particularly difficult for them.


OP here. She does not have any LD and she's not depressed. Just an underachiever.


Do you and your husband fight a lot? I've been told that marital conflict has a lot to do with underachieving children.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 09:38     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Advice from mom of two college students (one gifted/LD) who are both thriving:
The place to address the problem was when projects/HW were not being turned in. I would have addressed those issues, not grades. So, if you think that she has no ADD/exec. functioning disorder/LDs, I would just quietly mention at some point that there will be a 90 minute study time Sunday through Thursday evenings. If she says she doesn't have that much work, then say she can read for pleasure. Meanwhile, you need to be reading or working quietly in the same room (no electronics, obviously).
As at least one other person has suggested, I would completely shift your focus away from grades, and put it back on learning. You didn't say much about that in your postings. And, it is her life. Your relationship should be more important than her grades.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 09:04     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, they are HER grades, but I do feel I have some responsibility to help her make good choices. Anyway, she received her finals back and final grade for the year, and she is going to have some work to do next year. Grades on Finals were, D,D,A,B,B,D which translates into final grades for the year as B+,B-,A,B+,B-,C. 2 of the D's were from her foreign language classes and I knew she was going to have problems with those. The other D was a surprise to both her and I. She said she really studied for that test. Anyway, when I asked her how she thinks she did overall, she said "Good...because I really studied hard for the finals." I think the issue is more that she doesn't know how to properly study and that is something we will have to work on. Getting her a tutor over the summer for her language classes(no sit down workbook stuff but more just immersion - going to restaurants, shopping, just basic conversation) along with renting movies and buying magazines in that language.


I wouldn't be upset with these as final grades.


OP here. Except that I view B-'s as C's. But I've already let it go and we are going to focus on next year. I already have a great summer planned for her so just going to try and enjoy the time with her. I will pick back up with all the school talk sometime in August. Thanks everyone for all the great advice.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 08:57     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:Also, grammar check here: The other D was a surprise to her and me." You and her are the indirect prepositional object of surprise. Remember Warriner's English Grammar in 9th grade?


OP here. Thanks for pointing out the grammer mistake. I actually don't remember that from 9th grade or any other year and always mess that stuff up.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 05:03     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Also, grammar check here: The other D was a surprise to her and me." You and her are the indirect prepositional object of surprise. Remember Warriner's English Grammar in 9th grade?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 04:59     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yes, they are HER grades, but I do feel I have some responsibility to help her make good choices. Anyway, she received her finals back and final grade for the year, and she is going to have some work to do next year. Grades on Finals were, D,D,A,B,B,D which translates into final grades for the year as B+,B-,A,B+,B-,C. 2 of the D's were from her foreign language classes and I knew she was going to have problems with those. The other D was a surprise to both her and I. She said she really studied for that test. Anyway, when I asked her how she thinks she did overall, she said "Good...because I really studied hard for the finals." I think the issue is more that she doesn't know how to properly study and that is something we will have to work on. Getting her a tutor over the summer for her language classes(no sit down workbook stuff but more just immersion - going to restaurants, shopping, just basic conversation) along with renting movies and buying magazines in that language.


I wouldn't be upset with these as final grades.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2013 00:33     Subject: Re:Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Alot can happen between the end of freshmen year and the end of sophomore year, maturity-wise. Pick your battles. This would not be one of them for me. Teens are tricky and if you come down heavily on them for grades, you will definitely win the battle and lose the war.

She will pick up the pace her sophomore year, most likely.

BTW, her semester grades seem fine for freshmen year. A's and B's and one C.

Anonymous
Post 06/10/2013 12:14     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
She has to figure it out. That might mean a stint in the local community college, some time in the service, or some other such unthrilling work to figure out the necessity of hard work first. I'd actually advise an afterschool job in fast food.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2013 11:43     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh for Pete's sake: not every child who doesn't do what you want them to in school has a learning disability. If your kid can focus when he wants to, then he either has a lack of desire to focus or a low tolerance of bullshit, which is 2/3 of what they teach in school.


OP here. LOL...I say this exasct thing too. Why do ppl always ask about LD. My child just doesn't want to put forth the effort.


Are people "always asking?" Does that include teachers?


OP here. I was speaking in general. No teacher has ever approached me about DD having a LD. She did go through some sort of anxiety a little while ago when she thought I would get deployed (Military reservist, so I retired to put her at ease), but now I just think she doesn't want to put in the extra work. She is already in "distress" about next school year and the fact that her required summer reading book is well over 400pgs of small print. She definitely likes "cruising" through her classes without much studying. Not sure how to handle this.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2013 10:31     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh for Pete's sake: not every child who doesn't do what you want them to in school has a learning disability. If your kid can focus when he wants to, then he either has a lack of desire to focus or a low tolerance of bullshit, which is 2/3 of what they teach in school.


OP here. LOL...I say this exasct thing too. Why do ppl always ask about LD. My child just doesn't want to put forth the effort.


Are people "always asking?" Does that include teachers?
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2013 10:30     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:OP, there may be an underlying problem here. Has your DD ever been evaluated for ADHD/learning disabilities/depression? Sometimes these things come out as they get older and the demands increase. Sometimes when it appears they aren't studying its because something is making it particularly difficult for them.


OP here. She does not have any LD and she's not depressed. Just an underachiever.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2013 10:30     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:Oh for Pete's sake: not every child who doesn't do what you want them to in school has a learning disability. If your kid can focus when he wants to, then he either has a lack of desire to focus or a low tolerance of bullshit, which is 2/3 of what they teach in school.


Calm down. Nobody said the posters DD has a learning disability just that OP should be aware of the possibility. if she does, its a good thing to recognize and address. If she doesn't, there's no harm in having asked. Not sure why you are getting so exercised about that.

Its actually not true that if a child can focus, they don't have these issues. When my DD was dealing with bad depression, there were some things she could focus on. Similarly, kids with ADHD can focus on certain things and same is true for LD issues. If a child who has been doing well previously stops doing well, parents should pay attention, its a red flag. if a child does study but still can't seem to do well (which OP said was the case in at least one subject) again, thats a red flag because the problem wasn't a lack of focus, it was something else. Recognizing red flags does not mean you jump to any conclusions.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2013 10:28     Subject: Appropriate "punishment" if DD bombs finals
Anonymous wrote:Oh for Pete's sake: not every child who doesn't do what you want them to in school has a learning disability. If your kid can focus when he wants to, then he either has a lack of desire to focus or a low tolerance of bullshit, which is 2/3 of what they teach in school.


OP here. LOL...I say this exasct thing too. Why do ppl always ask about LD. My child just doesn't want to put forth the effort.