Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter. Being "smart" has little to do with future success. I would rather my child value perseverance and working hard than be a genius. I have cousins who are brilliant but are skating by in life and accomplishing very little because they don't have those traits.

Plus 1!!!! (Make that 1 million!!!!!)
Add passion / interests, and self-confidence, and good EQ to the mix.

Signed,
Montessori teacher and toddler mom

OMG, I didn't learn how to read until I was halfway through first grade (7 years old) -- I was the last one in my classroom to learn how. But once the wheels were in motion I didn't stop on the academic front...received full scholarships to ugrad and grad (top 5 schools for both), national merit scholar, etc. etc. Relax and let your kid play, for heaven's sake. And I've got to question all these parents actually wishing for an extremely gifted child -- it definitely has its drawbacks for the child and the parent.

Einstein didn't talk until he was 3 years old. Children learn to read, write, sing, draw, color at their own pace, in the same way that babies learn to crawl, walk, and talk at their own pace. Our mainstream education doesn't acknowledge this and instead seeks to label children who don't "fall into line" or learn the same way as disabled or hyperactive.

Give your child opportunities to learn through experiences. Continue to read to him. Talk to him. Let him be a child. He will learn to read, and it probably won't be on your timeline.

PS, children who learn to read earlier aren't shown to be better readers later on.

Read this when you have a few minutes: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/answer-sheet/wp/2016/08/19/what-the-modern-world-has-forgotten-about-children-and-learning/

Anonymous wrote:WIth all this talk about incredibly bright toddlers reading at 2, etc, makes me wonder whether my kid is normal or 'slow.

DS always seems bright in conversation--he's creative and very verbal. But he's almost 3.5 and does not know all his letters (confuses B and D, for example) or numbers (if asked to count, he start yelling the numbers, in order, but notmatching them with the actual number of items on the page, etc, though I'm pretty sure he understands the concept of counting), and seems to have little interest in learning this stuff. He has little interest in learning most things the traditional way, in fact, though he has become fascinated with our globe (mostly because it spins fast). He resists being 'schooled' in counting, etc. Hates sitting and drawing, hates me "teaching" him, although loves books and stories.

He is home with a lovely nanny and his baby sister, so most of his day is spent in imaginative play, at the park, but she reads a lot to him (as do we) and he goes to the library twice a week for story time. He also exhibits many, many signs of ADHD (which I'm sensitive to b/c we have a strong family tendency) but he is too young to diagnose.

'

Please, relax about the schooling stuff. Most 3 year olds cannot count using 1 to 1 correspondence since they say numbers as they touch the objects, but usually skip a few, touch some twice, etc. So they will count 8 when there are only 5, or 8 when there are actually 10.
The point is, he is starting to count, even if not perfectly. They can't conserve numbers yet, either. And he is learning letters as they are important, like those in his name, sisters name, Mom, Dad and nanny's name. That's great, and all he needs. Remember how excited you were when he said Mamamama for Mama or Mommy? Or baba for bottle? He wasn't perfect then, either, but he was talking. So, to, is he learning now, through play and experiences, which is the best way to learn. Academics should come later, just as you didn't correct him as a 15 month old saying words incorrectly, you don't correct or worry now.
Just enjoy him. I can't speak to the ADHD, but for the rest? He'll get there don't worry at this point! Please.

Your child sounds perfectly normal. My 5 year old gets letters and numbers mixed up, can't write, zero interest in artwork, etc. But his storytelling ability, imagination play, and vocabulary are truly incredible. He can also explain (vs recite by rote) facts and figures after hearing them once and prefers non-fiction to fiction books. Until age 4+ he wouldn't play w/other kids, so I got nervous; now he's got loads of friends of all ages. The rest will come in time.

Everyone has their strengths, OP. Your kid is fine. If you're truly worried, see his doctor for an evaluation of some type.

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever heard about regression to the mean? Most of the "smart" toddlers/preschoolers will end up being average.

This!
It sounds like you have a delightful, normal and active three year old. Enjoy him.

Just to chime in, OP. My kids are complete opposites. Older DD1was reading Bob books at 3.75. She was easily doing Melissa and Doug 24 piece puzzles before 2, and 48 pieces at 2.25. She was a late talker (qualified for EI therapy), and she was doing puzzles when she was still non-verbal and was really small for her age. She could take one look at a puzzle piece and figure out what direction it should go and slot it in. We had to test her for private school admissions and her visual-spacial abilities were extremely high. She's less obviously advanced now, but when she was a toddler there was a certain amount of "OMG, our kid is so smart" talk between my DH and I.

Fast forward to DD2. She is 3.75. Just learned 75% of the alphabet in the last few weeks, but still doesn't know all the letters or what they sound like. She just wrote her name for the first time, and every single letter is out of order. She can count to 10, but not 20. Just started trying to do 24 piece puzzles and needs a LOT of help - she can't visualize what a piece will look like if it is rotated. Or, if I'm being honest, even if I hand it to her in the correct orientation. BUT...she has a lot of skills and gifts that older DD lacked. DD2 is imaginative and creative. She has been having full conversations between her dolls or animals since 2, even when she wasn't using full sentences but just babbling. She talks about dreams and pretend play. She has also developed motor skills more quickly and is more confident in herself and her abilities.

Yes, DD1 was "smarter" by early milestones, but they both have obvious talents and skills. And I suspect they're going to largely even out within a couple of years, though they'll have different interests and abilities. Development isn't linear, and kids develop certain skill sets earlier than others, depending on preference and personality. Let your kids develop on their own schedule and see what happens.

Anonymous wrote:He talks and reads books in his desk. I used to read books in my desk when I was in school and my teachers would recommend other books for me. And he gets in trouble for it.

Time to question his school!

Please, not this again-- 2013 wants its post back.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the mostly positive feedback. I'm not feeling terribly anxious about my son, but it is weird to read all these parents discuss what their kids are doing. FWIW, most of my family have pds (myself included), ivyleague educations and were brought up to be super academically achieving (3 professors in 2 generations, etc). I myself was pushed fairly hard as a child, but also was internally driven. I haven't really wanted that for my son, but sort of expected he would be "smart" in a natural, obvious way and take to learning in the way that we did (or supposedly we did). My mom comments frequently how he isn't doing X or Y yet, and that I or my sibling did that when we were that age, so she's gotten under my skin a little. On the other hand, she is kind of crazy and my brother, at least, was abnormal, doing long division and multiplication at 5 and graduating high school at 15. He's a scientist now, but also terribly socially awkward and emotionally repressed.

I think you should give your kid up for adoption. Seriously, you and your family are the ones that will cause your child low self esteem. Let him run around the yard and jump around. Maybe he'll escape your prison.

Wait he is not reading and knowing all his letter and numbers at 3 years old? Can he walk yet, being so not bright? Horror, is he crawling? Get a grip OP, your kid is 3 years old, he shouldn't be reading, he should be playing and having fun. I see life long learning disability happening because his mother is stupid.

LOL people and their unrealistic expectations of their children.