Hi, NCS alum here. My class has a problem with "mean girls" and cliques in middle school, and the administration at the time actually did a lot of programming and intervention at the request of the parents. It helped, but I also think that as PPs have mentioned, this is going to happen in any adolescent situation, particularly in all-girls environments. One thing I would say was certain, at least during my time at NCS, is that there was no correlation between a girl's family's wealth and her social status/popularity. The richest girls were not necessarily the meanest. Furthermore, I have noticed that there are virtually no examples of the bullying on this thread-- I know that they exist, but I would be interested to know the age of the students and what exactly happened.

I'm not disagreeing with everything you're saying, PP, but in almost every instance that has spun out of control there was way too much parent involvement. By doing so much for their children over the years, mothers have robbed their daughters of the opportunity to advocate for themselves.

I'm not an NCS mom. Is there a counselor that has been involved with the girls over the years?

Anonymous wrote:Well, sorry you are so upset, pp who does not like my suggestion of going to Head Mistress. The buck stops with her. If your daughter really severly bullied and you were aware of it and did not do this. I would view you as negligent and not acting in the best interests of your daughter. I went to an all girls school and it can be a tough atmosphere. Get over it, if you can not be an advocate....you can do something about it...your choice.

Actually pp shouldn't have to go to the head mistress alone. This is a serious issue that should be addressed at a Mom peer group meeting or some other gathering. What's wrong with several mothers going to the head mistress and confronting her, demand that she develop a real policy around this.

We have to help develop our girls into strong women who respect other women, if we don't speak up on this issue how will they learn this lesson? What really troubles me is that there isn't any push back from the victims. One of the many reasons for attending an all-girls school is to learn empowerment.

STA's upper school has a zero-tolerance policy on bullying and actions that deliberately cause peers to feel uncomfortable within the community.

Well, sorry you are so upset, pp who does not like my suggestion of going to Head Mistress. The buck stops with her. If your daughter really severly bullied and you were aware of it and did not do this. I would view you as negligent and not acting in the best interests of your daughter. I went to an all girls school and it can be a tough atmosphere. Get over it, if you can not be an advocate....you can do something about it...your choice.

Anonymous wrote:I think exclusion is the worst form of bullying. It is hard to prove and you can't make girls be friends, hang out on the weekends or talk on the phone. Making girls include other girls on the playground or in the lunch room is one thing, but it does not really make a girl truly feel like she is part of any group. I think really smart girls have learned to use this form of "bullying" and they rarely get caught.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I think exclusion is the worst form of bullying. It is hard to prove and you can't make girls be friends, hang out on the weekends or talk on the phone. Making girls include other girls on the playground or in the lunch room is one thing, but it does not really make a girl truly feel like she is part of any group. I think really smart girls have learned to use this form of "bullying" and they rarely get caught.

I absolutely agree with you.

From what my DD said she was constantly afraid of being ignored, ridiculed (by a group socially in person or on social media for the "world" to see) and isolated. So most girls avoid becoming the victim. One girl left because there was a rumor a boy who liked her was the love interest of a more popular girl, then the next rumor about her was that she's a slut so don't speak to her.
Another girl from DD's middle school days was labelled a slut in 7th grade and this followed her through the end of 8th grade. Nice, pretty and intelligent girl who was shunned at NCS but suddenly and constantly was being hit on by STA boys for sex, etc. on FB and after school. Her family pulled her out.

The power of a nasty rumor seems to get things started especially with social media thrown into the mix. Admin & faculty really need to stop all the passive hand wringing and actually put themselves out there and care about the girls. Everyone's so afraid of getting sued.

I think exclusion is the worst form of bullying. It is hard to prove and you can't make girls be friends, hang out on the weekends or talk on the phone. Making girls include other girls on the playground or in the lunch room is one thing, but it does not really make a girl truly feel like she is part of any group. I think really smart girls have learned to use this form of "bullying" and they rarely get caught.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread ... whatever you call it, this definitely exists at other all-girls schools (speaking from experience as my daughter is at another all-girls' school). And I agree that the administration seems reticent to impose meaningful consequences for girls that engage in this type of destructive behavior. Girls get suspended for some things, but never for being mean spirited and socially disruptive. But I guess there's no point in suspending the girls so they can go home to their bully moms and bring that same crap back to school the next day.

Think of it from the school's point of view. Say they suspended a kid in this town for being nasty. Just, sort of nasty -- not posting defamatory things on Facebook or anything like that. How fast would Litigator Mom and Dad come flying in to challenge that decision? Parents should pay more attention to what their kids are texting, posting, and saying, and not just try to fob everything off on schools that have the kids from 8 - 3 pm.

No, think of it from the school's point of view in this way: all it would take is for a school to expel ONE of these nasty bullying girls to send a message. You better believe that "litigator mom and dad" would back off really fast and crawl away. Do you they would really want all the examples of their little princess's vile nastiness out in public for all to see? For college admissions officers to see? For the WashPost to report on? For neighbors and friends to discuss and judge? Not a chance.

The schools have so much power here - if only they would use it in a positive way. Force the culture of the school to fix itself (even if out of simple fear of being booted out and embarrassed). Again, all it would take is one expulsion to send a very, very strong message. Does the school have the guts to do it? That is the question.

+1000!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread ... whatever you call it, this definitely exists at other all-girls schools (speaking from experience as my daughter is at another all-girls' school). And I agree that the administration seems reticent to impose meaningful consequences for girls that engage in this type of destructive behavior. Girls get suspended for some things, but never for being mean spirited and socially disruptive. But I guess there's no point in suspending the girls so they can go home to their bully moms and bring that same crap back to school the next day.

Think of it from the school's point of view. Say they suspended a kid in this town for being nasty. Just, sort of nasty -- not posting defamatory things on Facebook or anything like that. How fast would Litigator Mom and Dad come flying in to challenge that decision? Parents should pay more attention to what their kids are texting, posting, and saying, and not just try to fob everything off on schools that have the kids from 8 - 3 pm.

No, think of it from the school's point of view in this way: all it would take is for a school to expel ONE of these nasty bullying girls to send a message. You better believe that "litigator mom and dad" would back off really fast and crawl away. Do you they would really want all the examples of their little princess's vile nastiness out in public for all to see? For college admissions officers to see? For the WashPost to report on? For neighbors and friends to discuss and judge? Not a chance.

The schools have so much power here - if only they would use it in a positive way. Force the culture of the school to fix itself (even if out of simple fear of being booted out and embarrassed). Again, all it would take is one expulsion to send a very, very strong message. Does the school have the guts to do it? That is the question.

Anonymous wrote:posting defamatory things on FB, Instagram, nastiness at school, it's all the same. Social Media is just another forum for engaging in disruptive behavior. And to the previous poster, one kid is doing home-work and the other is sleeping while I type. Why?

Homework = working in fits and starts while texting, Facebooking, tweeting.

"Sleeping" = "being in room with cell phone on pillow so as to receive texts"

posting defamatory things on FB, Instagram, nastiness at school, it's all the same. Social Media is just another forum for engaging in disruptive behavior. And to the previous poster, one kid is doing home-work and the other is sleeping while I type. Why?

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread ... whatever you call it, this definitely exists at other all-girls schools (speaking from experience as my daughter is at another all-girls' school). And I agree that the administration seems reticent to impose meaningful consequences for girls that engage in this type of destructive behavior. Girls get suspended for some things, but never for being mean spirited and socially disruptive. But I guess there's no point in suspending the girls so they can go home to their bully moms and bring that same crap back to school the next day.

Think of it from the school's point of view. Say they suspended a kid in this town for being nasty. Just, sort of nasty -- not posting defamatory things on Facebook or anything like that. How fast would Litigator Mom and Dad come flying in to challenge that decision? Parents should pay more attention to what their kids are texting, posting, and saying, and not just try to fob everything off on schools that have the kids from 8 - 3 pm.

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread ... whatever you call it, this definitely exists at other all-girls schools (speaking from experience as my daughter is at another all-girls' school). And I agree that the administration seems reticent to impose meaningful consequences for girls that engage in this type of destructive behavior. Girls get suspended for some things, but never for being mean spirited and socially disruptive. But I guess there's no point in suspending the girls so they can go home to their bully moms and bring that same crap back to school the next day.

Hey, DCUM bully posters. What are your daughters up to while you type away?

Interesting thread ... whatever you call it, this definitely exists at other all-girls schools (speaking from experience as my daughter is at another all-girls' school). And I agree that the administration seems reticent to impose meaningful consequences for girls that engage in this type of destructive behavior. Girls get suspended for some things, but never for being mean spirited and socially disruptive. But I guess there's no point in suspending the girls so they can go home to their bully moms and bring that same crap back to school the next day.

+1000