I haven't read all the comments but I understand how terrifying money woes can be. Have you considered getting a legal divorce but keeping your family intact as it is now? You can let your credit go down the tubes while your husband keeps his in good shape for the family. I think the creditors will not come after you forever and they couldn't get to anything owned by your husband. Might sound crazy but I'd consider it in your shoes.

I am so happy to hear that you are OK OP.

OP here again. I can't believe this thread still gets replies! I guess it was a dramatic question, but we are having a very rough time right now financially and before my parents swooped in to save our butts, I was feeling very desperate and unsure of how we were going to move forward, and guilty for the mistakes I have made in my education and employment history. I do think that things will even out over time. We will never be wealthy -- we will be lucky to be comfortable -- and we certainly will have a greatly reduced standard of living compared to people who made better financial decisions out of the starting gate, but we will probably end up okay.

Believe it or not, my intention was not to "get attention" per se. In my thought process at the time, it seemed to make sense for me to sacrifice myself so that my family could have a better life in terms of material things. I knew that wasn't right in a global sense, and I just wanted to hear the reasons why my "brilliant" plan was actually terrible. And like I said previously, I so appreciate the kind folks who took the time to share their experiences and thoughts. I don't mind the couple of snarky posters -- this is DCUM and there is always someone here ready to tear you down. The wisdom from the serious replies was invaluable to me. So again, thank you.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you just need some attention. Grow up.

Sorry OP but I agree with this. If I am thinking of killing myself, I wouldn't be on DCUM. There are homeless people and homeless children actually struggling, every freaking minute of their life. They don't even have food to eat. Get over yourself. Who doesn't have debt? Welcome to the real world.

OP, I haven't even read the rest of this thread, but YOU ARE IMPORTANT. Your family needs you. Your family needs you alive.

Screw your student debt. Seriously, screw it. Screw. It.

Go borrow a copy of The Hipmama Survival Guide by Ariel Gore and read it. Now.

I remembered the piece, from the New York Times by Bruce Feiler. Look at what he says about family narratives, the ascending, the descending and what he calls the "healthful" one to strive for:

“The most healthful narrative,” Dr. Duke continued, “is the third one. It’s called the oscillating family narrative: ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ”

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/fashion/the-family-stories-that-bind-us-this-life.html?pagewanted=all

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your children need a mother more FAR than they need "financial freedom".

Agree completely. But if that doesn't sway you, remember that without you, your husband will have to pay someone to do many of the things you do now. Childcare, carting kids to activities after school, makin dinner, cleaning, etc. don't undervalue the financial value of your contributions.

Also, please see a counselor and start working through this stuff. You owe it to your kids (and yourself!) to get emotionally healthy.

This OP. Also, by being resilient yourself, you teach resilience to your kids. I just read something in WaPo or NYTimes (I think) about how families do better when they know their families' history--the ups but also the downs in life. They are more successful than their peers. I will look for it now, or anyone remembers seeing this please post.

I know it's difficult right now, but you said you were meant to be a mother. That is your calling.

I am rooting for you OP. Don't worry about giving your kids things...giving of yourself is most important to them.
Enjoy them and all of your family. Sounds like they love you.

OP, I have been thinking about you and hope you are out of the grey area!

I did want to bring the perspective, just in case you need it to ask how you'd feel if it was your husband and not you who committed suicide. I'm willing to bet that you wouldn't want him to do this for sake of your family finances and want your kids to grow up with their dad. The money would not be worth putting your kids through it and I'm guessing you'd be resentful of him deciding this.

Also, there has to be something good that came from your education. Maybe it's where you met your husband, your best friend, got to try a new city. Something at the time made you think it was the right choice to make.

Personally, we have debt and I hate it. We moved here and I ended up not finding a job for over a year. I was offered a job that I knew I would hate and it was not the right job for me but I turned it down not realizing how long it would take me to find the right job. I always wonder what life/debt would be if I took that job but because I didn't I got my dream job. I made great friends that are now like family and if I took that crappy job, the chances of me finding that job are not likely.

Also, it took me a long time to accept anything from my parents because I always thought it was their money that they worked hard for and they have their own things. It wasn't until having my own kids that I realized how much joy to help your kids. It's one thing to get a helping hand from your parents, it's a different to feel entitled, demand the help which it doesn't seem like you are doing. Let them help you get through the rough patch. You can always think of them helping your grandkids.

Things will get better! Enjoy your kids, do something fun and create memories that they will think back to how amazing you are!

Will the new healthcare laws lower your healthcare expenses?

My parents declared bankruptcy when I was a kid and this was years after we were evicted and all our stuff was put on the street while I was at school.

I still think I had the best parents, and particularly, the best mom in the world. She kept her cool through it all and was always positive so I never worried. She just told us we would be living with my favorite cousins for awhile, so I was excited.

Your kids won't care, and if they do, you have them exposed to the wrong types of people. My friends all knew what was going on and it was never an issue. My parents were finally middle class once I went to high school and purchased their first home and my upbringing is one of the best educations I've had. I've learned how to manage money, to appreciate what matters (people, not things), and that failing at something is not the end of the world. There is always time to start over.

The fact that you are late 30s and have no clue what it feels like to lose a close loved one shows me you're extremely blessed already! The rest can be changed. You could still retire a millionaire if you wanted.

To OP, time will take care all your problems and tomorrow will be a sunny day for you.

The posters who recommended attorney visits had it right on. There's things OP can do that while legal the bootstrappy folks would howl about. But you know what? Corproat

Some of the tough love folks are just bootstrappy assholes.

Find a legitimate work from home opportunity -- the legit ones will pay you $10-$20/hr via 1099 and won't require anything more than a computer + broadband + <$100 of stuff.

Hooray! This is 17:51. I'm so so glad you're off the ledge. You're going to be OK! Hang in there. Baby steps. You can do it.

Sounds like you now see what you were contemplating was not the answer but I will share what my mother always said
" things will look better tomorrow" and she was right. We had some tough times both financially and emotionally when I was young and the days often seemed dark but there were
" better days " mixed in. There must be something you can do even with kids at home? Babysit, walk dogs, bake cakes, photography. Just thinking outside the box. You can make money somehow and when your kids get older they can do similar things. You won't make the kind of money needed to pay off 100k but it could pay for groceries, gas, etc. to relieve the stress. I wish you the best.