So his babysitter is going to text you and let you know that he's OK? What the hell is wrong with this guy that he's now handing over responsibility of communicating with his wife to someone else?

Op here again, I should add, most of his friends live pretty far away from where we live...generally about 45 minutes to an hour, so taking a cab home isn't really an option, and if it's late and he's tired, it wouldn't be smart to drive either. So, it would be best in these situations if he DID sleep over there and come home in the morning. I would rather he do that. I just want to know for sure, so I don't stay up worring about him.

OP here. I'll try to address multiple questions here

I don't really think his friends would cover for him because they are good friends of mine also, and I just think they are really good people and wouldn't do it (of course, I admit I could be wrong)

I don't think my husband has a drinking problem, as he hardly ever drinks at home. And, he doesn't go over his friends houses that often, it's just when he does, he likes to let loose and drink. I mean, we have a baby, so he's not going to want to be getting drunk at home with our baby there.

I really don't think he's having an affair, because he doesn't go out very often at all. If he goes out, it's either going to a friends house for a cook-out or watching sports (which I'm not really into), etc., or it's hunting/fishing. I'm quite positive when he's going to his friends house, that's where he is. When he goes hunting or fishing, most of the time he brings home what he's killed, so I know he wasn't just banging another woman.

Plus, we have a sort of open relationship. He's allowed to have sexual encounters with other women once in a while, as long as there is no romantic relationship, and as long as he tells me about it. We have a few "friends" who he hooks up with now and then. Honestly, he's home too much to be having an emotional affair with anyone else.

When he doesn't come home when he has said he would, I try to tell myself, hey, he's probably just asleep at so-and-so's house....but then there's still that nagging possibility that he did try to come home, and something happened. I admit, I'm a worry-wart, just like my mom is.

I talked with him about it again last night, and I think we found a solution. He promised to have whatever friend he is with when he goes out text me to let me know if he has fallen asleep at their place and will be staying over there for the night. If they will actually do that, then I'll be happy.

My dh would never do this, nor would it ever be acceptable in our home. Not okay. He's not being honest.

Vietnam

DH probably overnights three or four times a year but is finally cutting back. It's always prearranged weeks in advance and he always texts/calls. Once this year he came back at 3am instead of sleeping over and acted like he deserved my undying gratitude. I unloaded on him like Agent Orange in Vietname.

I agree with all other PPs who said it is just weird for any man with kids older than 35 to do overnights. DH always prided himself on never driving drunk but I think it's better to limit your alc consumption or just come home earlier.

Never, and would never. We have too much respect for each other for crap like that.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I pity some of your husbands. I go out with my buddies some time and we have drinks and I may get home late like 2am (by taxi), but DW doesn't mind since it's only once a month unless old friends are in town.

I don't stay out overnight, but I would text her if that situation arose. I think the issue is OP's DH isn't at least letting her know he's OK.

I don't thikn it's an affair -- way too sloppy in terms of cover-up if it were.

This is totally different. You go out and you get home late, which your wife expects because you are going out with your friends for the night. You would text her to let her know you were okay. Nobody said these scenarios would be a problem with their husbands; the exact opposite, in fact, so no need for pity.

Where is OP?

Wow - this thread is too long to read all 5 pages so forgive me if someone else has thrown up these suggestions.

Why can't your DH tell you where to come to pick him up at so and so time?

At least call you to tell you he is ok and where he is at?

Why doesn't him and his buddies have a designated driver?

You can drop him off at the beginning of the evening and he can make plans to take a cab home?

No excuse to stay out all night. He is totally disrespecting you with his behavior. How would he feel if you did that with your friends?

NP here. Your DH is either having an affair, or he has a drinking problem.

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I pity some of your husbands. I go out with my buddies some time and we have drinks and I may get home late like 2am (by taxi), but DW doesn't mind since it's only once a month unless old friends are in town.

I don't stay out overnight, but I would text her if that situation arose. I think the issue is OP's DH isn't at least letting her know he's OK.

I don't thikn it's an affair -- way too sloppy in terms of cover-up if it were.

Okay well clearly you can't read. Nobody is pissed about their husband having a guys night out. Mine is away on business and went out and had drinks last night with coworkers. No biggie. We're all weirded out by the fact this guy is staying overnight at other people's houses on a regular basis and not telling her about it, to the point where she's worried and has no idea where he is. You are talking about something totally normal- this is not normal.

OP, why do you say his friends wouldn't cover for him?

Anonymous wrote:Yikes, I pity some of your husbands. I go out with my buddies some time and we have drinks and I may get home late like 2am (by taxi), but DW doesn't mind since it's only once a month unless old friends are in town.

I don't stay out overnight, but I would text her if that situation arose. I think the issue is OP's DH isn't at least letting her know he's OK.

I don't thikn it's an affair -- way too sloppy in terms of cover-up if it were.

Um, I don't think the PP's are saying they'd be pissed about what you are suggesting. It's the fact that he does this regularly but doesn't tell her it's happening and then doesn't text/call. My DH goes out drinking with the boys and catches a cab home if he gets too drunk.

Anonymous wrote:Do pps never get a guys weekend or a girls weekend? Just curious. I guess i dont see the big deal if in advance it is agreed..."oh you are staying at petes tonight or oh you are staying with sarah? Can you please be home by x hour and bring me a coffee? "

Ops situation is totally different.and not ok though.

I don't think people are saying that a weekend with friends is unacceptable -- it really is that he does this once a month and doesn't tell her in advance. This is red flags all over.