Anonymous
02/05/2013 09:14
Subject: Re:DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
I don't know if OP's daughter was being mean or not - telling someone they can't sit next to you because you are saving a seat for friends but can sit at your table is a gray area. It's definitely not nice or welcoming. However, I would think that it would be more appropriate for this mom to help her daughter address it than to confront OP's child directly. This is the sort of problem that 9 year old kids can learn to handle and address, and it isn't helping the kid.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 09:11
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.
The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....
Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.
Your wording, "She didn't LET the other woman's daughter sit next to her," is showing how that was controlling and mean. In the school I work at, kids are not allowed to save seats, and this is explained when we do lessons on empathy. 9 year old girls are very fragile. You should explain to your daughter how that could have hurt the child's feelings and not back her up for excluding others.
+1000
Sorry OP but your daughter was intentionally picking and choosing who could sit where. If you do not see this as a problem then you need to educate yourself. The Mom volunteer probably already has tghe teacher's ear and they know what your daughter is doing.
No. She just didn't require he other friends to change their seat so the annoying, crazy mom's child could sit exactly where she wanted.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 09:06
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.
The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....
Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.
Your wording, "She didn't LET the other woman's daughter sit next to her," is showing how that was controlling and mean. In the school I work at, kids are not allowed to save seats, and this is explained when we do lessons on empathy. 9 year old girls are very fragile. You should explain to your daughter how that could have hurt the child's feelings and not back her up for excluding others.
+1000
Sorry OP but your daughter was intentionally picking and choosing who could sit where. If you do not see this as a problem then you need to educate yourself. The Mom volunteer probably already has tghe teacher's ear and they know what your daughter is doing.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 09:02
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Yes, you are overreacting. Your daughter did something mildly mean and she was mildly corrected. You say your daughter wasn't bothered by this so why are you? A little too defensive. I have volunteered for years at many schools and I can assure you I have mildly and not so mildly corrected children. I do not think I ever intervened in the way you describe (for my child benefit alone) but I really do not see a problem with what the Mom did. You must see the irony in your insistence that the Mom should speak to you.
I do not think your daughter is mean or a bully but kids do mean annoying things all the time. Those of us who volunteer sometimes need to interject. And like it or not teachers like the parents who are willing to try to keep things under control.
So my question is why are you so infuriated by such a small thing when your daughter does not seem too bugged by it. Seems like a Mommy issue to me.
I do not think your daughter is mean or a bully but kids do mean annoying things all the time. Those of us who volunteer sometimes need to interject. And like it or not teachers like the parents who are willing to try to keep things under control.
So my question is why are you so infuriated by such a small thing when your daughter does not seem too bugged by it. Seems like a Mommy issue to me.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 08:05
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
I agree, it was not nice of OP's DD but we were all kids and kids make mistakes and do stupid/ mean things sometimes. It sucks and its part of growing up and learning.
BUT the other childs mother had NO right to approach your DD about that situation. She was way out of line. Her DD obviously ran up to her mommy after lunch to complain because she knew her mommy was at school and could fight her battles. Had your DD done something dangerous at recess or something in front of the other mom to warrant her saying something that is one thing, but in this situation she should have not spoken to your DD about the incident.
I would definitely speak to your DD's teacher OP about this woman and ask that if she continues to volunteer she stays away from your DD and she should receive a warning from the school.
BUT the other childs mother had NO right to approach your DD about that situation. She was way out of line. Her DD obviously ran up to her mommy after lunch to complain because she knew her mommy was at school and could fight her battles. Had your DD done something dangerous at recess or something in front of the other mom to warrant her saying something that is one thing, but in this situation she should have not spoken to your DD about the incident.
I would definitely speak to your DD's teacher OP about this woman and ask that if she continues to volunteer she stays away from your DD and she should receive a warning from the school.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 07:45
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:What is so bad about another mom saying to your daughter "You need to be nice and include everyone." It's hardly a confrontation. Have you asked your daughter what she was doing at the time?
This is inappropriate for a parent to do, especially when the other parent is not present. I would try to get the facts, however, this woman over stepped her bounds regardless if she's a long time volunteer. I think at the very least she owes your daughter an apology. This I would push for as well as for her to have no interaction with your DD. What a nut.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 07:11
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
OP, The mother was out of line confronting your daughter in a public setting. She took advantage of her position, and over-stepped.
Your bigger problem:
I mean you know ill, but your wording strongly suggests your daughter is showing signs of being a mean girl. Your reaction, and language choice, suggests you are not seeing her clearly. Another little girl was watching your daughter, and when your daughter says "NO. YOU CAN'T SIT HERE," she will follow that example and say the same... that's what mean girls do.
If I were in your shoes, I would take this as a cheap lesson and make an appointment with the teacher. Ask bluntly about who your daughter is and where she is in the pecking order in the grade. Then I would reflect on who you want your daughter to be, and then work on this. She doesn't have to be friends with everyone, but she does have to be nice.
I would also reflect on who you were in the social hierarchy in school and see if that helps you see your daughter more clearly.
Your bigger problem:
I mean you know ill, but your wording strongly suggests your daughter is showing signs of being a mean girl. Your reaction, and language choice, suggests you are not seeing her clearly. Another little girl was watching your daughter, and when your daughter says "NO. YOU CAN'T SIT HERE," she will follow that example and say the same... that's what mean girls do.
If I were in your shoes, I would take this as a cheap lesson and make an appointment with the teacher. Ask bluntly about who your daughter is and where she is in the pecking order in the grade. Then I would reflect on who you want your daughter to be, and then work on this. She doesn't have to be friends with everyone, but she does have to be nice.
I would also reflect on who you were in the social hierarchy in school and see if that helps you see your daughter more clearly.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 02:21
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.
The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....
Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.
Your wording, "She didn't LET the other woman's daughter sit next to her," is showing how that was controlling and mean. In the school I work at, kids are not allowed to save seats, and this is explained when we do lessons on empathy. 9 year old girls are very fragile. You should explain to your daughter how that could have hurt the child's feelings and not back her up for excluding others.
And I agree, it wasn't nice nor appropriate and I would have surely spoken to her about it. I do NOT think it was the mother's place to talk to my child, she is not the teacher nor her parent. I wish she would have spoken to me or her teacher, it makes me uncomfortable to know that a non-faculty/staff member has such authority at my daughters school.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 00:03
Subject: Re:DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:You seem very naive. Your daughter lied to you. The other girl was upset enough to get her mother involved, and it's less likely that she would manufacture that upset than it is that your daughter would lie to you when caught out in bad behavior.
You say you would want to know if your daughter were mean. Well, now you know. She is mean enough to get another parent involved, AND she lies, or, perhaps even worse, doesn't think it's a big deal. Take it from there.
Sorry, but I totally agree with this. The tone of your posts makes it very clear that your daughter is likely the mean girl and she likely learned to be that way from you.
My reasoning? If an adult volunteer at the school felt like she needed to ask one of my girls to be kinder to her daughter, my immediate assumption would not be that the adult was in the wrong. My kids are basically really good kids (we have five - three in college, two in high school). They've never been in any kind of trouble at school other than the typical talking too much type of stuff. Despite that, I know how kids, especially girls, can be. Nine year old girls are notoriously mean sometimes. We depend on teachers and other adults to help stop it. You are very, very, very defensive about your precious daughter. Guess what? Almost all girls are mean sometimes. I think it's great that your daughter got called on it. If anything, you should talk with the teacher to find out how often your daughter is mean. And thank the adult volunteer for bringing it to your attention.
+1, NP here. This is very clear reasoning, and I am sorry OP as I know it's no fun to hear that. My daughter (another not-Mean Girl!) was in fact excluding another girl at school, and--at a third girl's bd party--the mom gently asked her to be more inclusive. I was embarrassed and hurt, but did not blame the mom--it would make no sense for her to make up a story like that. The PP that said she could not be everywhere at once was right.
Anonymous
02/05/2013 00:00
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.
The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....
Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.
Your wording, "She didn't LET the other woman's daughter sit next to her," is showing how that was controlling and mean. In the school I work at, kids are not allowed to save seats, and this is explained when we do lessons on empathy. 9 year old girls are very fragile. You should explain to your daughter how that could have hurt the child's feelings and not back her up for excluding others.
Anonymous
02/04/2013 23:51
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
OP Here, thank you guys for assuming my child is a little bully. Really, no wonder I don't come to this site often, just rude and sad people.
The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....
Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.
The issue was that DD didn't let the other woman's daughter sit to her next to lunch. Was it nice of my DD? No. However I did keep in mind that my DD has two very good friends who usually sit next to her....
Now she DID let the little girl sit at their table, just not right next to DD. I honestly don't know why this was a big deal to the other girls mother? She didn't really "leave out" her daughter she just asked her to sit across the table rather than in the seats her good friends usually sit in.
Anonymous
02/04/2013 23:45
Subject: Re:DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:Ha. OP, I wish more parents would step in like this woman did and speak directly to the kid. At 9 years old? your kid knows perfectly well that she was being mean--many parents of entitled parents react with rage when someone directly confronts their kid with their bad behavior. I cheer the parents for putting the bullies in their place on the spot and IN PUBLIC since the negligent parents often seem to be clueless about the cruelty of their monstrous children.
Yes, while reading this OP I totally assumed this little girl was "monstrous".
Jeff, this is why we need to start registering users. We no longer get actual advice, just idiots like above who try to start fights.
Anonymous
02/04/2013 23:43
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your kid is a mean girl.
Seriously, this has got to stop. Why when someone comes for advice do so many trolls flock to piss the OP off?
Anonymous
02/04/2013 23:38
Subject: Re:DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Ha. OP, I wish more parents would step in like this woman did and speak directly to the kid. At 9 years old? your kid knows perfectly well that she was being mean--many parents of entitled parents react with rage when someone directly confronts their kid with their bad behavior. I cheer the parents for putting the bullies in their place on the spot and IN PUBLIC since the negligent parents often seem to be clueless about the cruelty of their monstrous children.
Anonymous
02/04/2013 23:11
Subject: DD Classmates' Mother Confronted DD on Playground at School WTH!
Sounds like your kid is a mean girl.