Wow, this whole thread is scary. I'm so glad that both my boys were born at home so there was never any danger of some over zealous doctor cutting their penis without consent.

I'm so horrified that this is even an issue. OP, please just get it noted in writing wherever you can. If anyone cut my child's genitalia without my consent I'd be pressing assault charges even if it was my husband (who fortunately is more enlightened than to think that having a son who looks like him is more important than getting to retain a important part of his penis).

I just don't understand anyone who supports cutting off a body part on a baby. It's terribly strange.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't see why OP needs to attack someone who disagrees and I don't think its necessary to use the word mutilation. Our DS was circumcised for religious reasons and I certainly don't think he was mutilated. There are arguments on both sides. It DOES prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. On the other hand, some people think it affects sensation (though, uh , none of the circumcised men I've been with seemed deprived in that area.) Having witnessed my son's bris it was clear to me that he wasn't being tortured. It took literally seconds and the moyel gave him a tiny bit of wine. I think they also sometimes use topical anesthetics.

There's no right answer here but OP if you keep with the highly charged language I don;t see how you are going to resolve this with your husband. Seriously, if I were him I would think you were so jacked up about this issue that we wouldn't even be able to discuss it. The hit to your marriage seems more significant than anything the baby will go through.

You need to look up the definition of the word mutilation. While it is somewhat emotive language, and I guess that's what you object to, there is no doubt that cutting off a part of a baby's body for cosmetic or cultural reasons is mutilation. So are tattoos and so are ear piercings, and so it amputating a limb, or foot binding in China in the past.

Anonymous wrote:
I don't think anyone here is advocating circumcision. There are arguments against (and for). The issue here is a wife who insists on her way, regardless of her husband's opinion, and has a fear that her husband will do the same. I don't think OP has to convince anyone here that circumcision is a bad idea for her child -- this isn't our son, we don't care. She does have to convince her husband, or work something out. That is the point she keeps avoiding.

When it comes to cosmetic surgery which removes a functional and natural organ, both parents should at least agree. I don't see why just because the father wants it is enough to perform uncesseray surgery.
How does he know circumcision is better for the child ? He was probably himself circumcised at birth without his consent and wants the same for his son. He may say being circumcised is better but he simply doesn't know, he doesn't know how being intact feel like. His point of view is biased no matter what he claims.

Anonymous wrote:The “locker room argument” is one advanced by some people who advocate for circumcision. And, in my opinion, it is one of the weakest arguments for performing this bizarre surgery.
Cutting part of a child’s sexual organ off so that he will “fit in” is ridiculous. We don’t encourage our children to dress the same as their peers, get the same haircuts, listen to the same music, watch the same shows and movies, drive the same cars, etc
Also circumcision is ont the decline. More and more parents are saying "no" to circumcision. In the United States, your intact son has just about as much of a chance as “looking like” the boy in the neighboring locker as he does “looking different” – nationwide, only 56% of our boys are cut today.

I don't think anyone here is advocating circumcision. There are arguments against (and for). The issue here is a wife who insists on her way, regardless of her husband's opinion, and has a fear that her husband will do the same. I don't think OP has to convince anyone here that circumcision is a bad idea for her child -- this isn't our son, we don't care. She does have to convince her husband, or work something out. That is the point she keeps avoiding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. If you actually think your DH would even consider going behind your back on this, then no your marriage is not anywhere near healthy. The tone you have taken with him about this may well have something to do with it, or it may just be the way your communication has evolved after years of dysfunction. I don't know you so I can't tell. But what you have said makes me gravely concerned for your marriage. Deny it if it makes you feel better, but maybe these comments will cause you to think twice and get some counseling. Your future baby will thank you -- circumcised or not!

Puh-lease!

You guys are so freaking funny!

Do you guys agree about everything all the time?

As I said, for DH this is not a medical procedure, it's "no biggie" like he says. He just doesn't want the kid to be mocked in school. And we don't even know if it's a boy yet.

I believe this is serious business that's why I came to ask about the legal aspect of it.

I wonder if you all are this judgmental about others in real life or just here because you can hide behind anonymity.

No, my DH and I don't agree all the time. But I would never, ever, even for one second, worry that he would take action behind my back on something he knew I vehemently disagreed with. Even if he thought it was "no biggie," it would be enough for him to know that I thought it was important. Then again, I would also respect his opinion and not speak to him in inflammatory exaggerated language about something that is clearly important to him as well, or force him to watch youtube videos to prove my point. If you really think your DH might run out and circumcise your baby at any second, I don't see how you are ever going to leave him alone with the baby. In a healthy marriage you communicate respectfully and come up with solutions TOGETHER. You don't run around behind each others' backs to see who can "win" when it comes to parenting decisions. I can promise you that this approach will fail you.

Good luck and I hope you take some of this feedback constructively. I'm not going to say I'm telling you this because I care so much about you and your marriage -- I don't. But I have no dog in this fight either way, and frankly I have mixed feelings about circumcision. But sometimes it takes an outsider to make you realize how you sound, and to me it is very strikingly obvious that your fears about your DH and the way you speak to/about him are not consistent with a strong, healthy marriage. It's not about the circumcision issue. Circumcision is just one of a lifetime of decisions you will be making together, and if you try to make them the same way you are trying to make this one, it will not end well for anyone.

Anonymous wrote:I believe this is serious business that's why I came to ask about the legal aspect of it.

You believe it's serious but you came to an anonymous forum to discuss legal issues? Come on.

Anonymous wrote:
And why don't you rely on actual medical opinions. I'm the one who watched both my DS' heel prick and his bris.

You should also rely on medical opinions too :

2010 ROYAL AUSTRALASIAN COLLEGE OF PHYSICIANS
"Ethical and human rights concerns have been raised regarding elective infant male circumcision because it is recognized that the foreskin has a functional role.
After reviewing the currently available evidence, the RACP believes that the frequency of diseases modifiable by circumcision, the level of protection offered by circumcision and the complication rates of circumcision do not warrant routine infant circumcision in Australia and New Zealand."

2010 ROYAL DUTCH MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
"There is no convincing evidence that circumcision is useful or necessary in terms of prevention or hygiene."

2006 BRITISH MEDICAL ASSOCIATION
"The BMA does not believe that parental preference alone constitutes sufficient grounds for performing a surgical procedure on a child unable to express his own view
Some doctors may wish to not perform circumcisions for reasons of conscience."

The “locker room argument” is one advanced by some people who advocate for circumcision. And, in my opinion, it is one of the weakest arguments for performing this bizarre surgery.
Cutting part of a child’s sexual organ off so that he will “fit in” is ridiculous. We don’t encourage our children to dress the same as their peers, get the same haircuts, listen to the same music, watch the same shows and movies, drive the same cars, etc
Also circumcision is ont the decline. More and more parents are saying "no" to circumcision. In the United States, your intact son has just about as much of a chance as “looking like” the boy in the neighboring locker as he does “looking different” – nationwide, only 56% of our boys are cut today.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. If you actually think your DH would even consider going behind your back on this, then no your marriage is not anywhere near healthy. The tone you have taken with him about this may well have something to do with it, or it may just be the way your communication has evolved after years of dysfunction. I don't know you so I can't tell. But what you have said makes me gravely concerned for your marriage. Deny it if it makes you feel better, but maybe these comments will cause you to think twice and get some counseling. Your future baby will thank you -- circumcised or not!

Puh-lease!

You guys are so freaking funny!

Do you guys agree about everything all the time?

As I said, for DH this is not a medical procedure, it's "no biggie" like he says. He just doesn't want the kid to be mocked in school. And we don't even know if it's a boy yet.

I believe this is serious business that's why I came to ask about the legal aspect of it.

I wonder if you all are this judgmental about others in real life or just here because you can hide behind anonymity.

Maybe you should consider the fact that if we all agree that it means something. Its not judgmental to suggest there's a problem with your marriage, its concern. If we didn't have concern we'd just sit back and watch the drama.

This is your very first decision as parents and you are at the point where you are just trying to overpower the other and get your way. Your first decision and you can't make it as a couple. You are hearing from folks who already have children -- you have no idea how many decisions you will have to make together as parents that will be very difficult. And you are demonstrating that you are completely incapable of making a decision together. You've never responded to this point -- to the fact that we keep pointing out how dysfunctional it is that you are just racing to see who can get away with imposing their decision. How do you expect to make parenting decisions together in the future? Answer that instead of screaming mutilation.

And why don't you rely on actual medical opinions. I'm the one who watched both my DS' heel prick and his bris. He was not given a topical anesthetic for the bris, he was given wine. And the heel prick was far, far more painful. You keep ignoring the actual facts on the ground because of your preconceived ideas. PLus you are arguing opposing views -- on the one hand you say its an excruciating procedure, on the other hand you say the only reason it isn't an excruciating procedure is because of the topical anesthetic. Which is it?

You seem very young and immature. Yes, I am judging you. Everything you have written here, over and over again, is like a young child stomping her foot and screaming "I will get my way and I will not listen to anyone else -- I am the only thing that matters."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. If you actually think your DH would even consider going behind your back on this, then no your marriage is not anywhere near healthy. The tone you have taken with him about this may well have something to do with it, or it may just be the way your communication has evolved after years of dysfunction. I don't know you so I can't tell. But what you have said makes me gravely concerned for your marriage. Deny it if it makes you feel better, but maybe these comments will cause you to think twice and get some counseling. Your future baby will thank you -- circumcised or not!

Puh-lease!

You guys are so freaking funny!

Do you guys agree about everything all the time?

As I said, for DH this is not a medical procedure, it's "no biggie" like he says. He just doesn't want the kid to be mocked in school. And we don't even know if it's a boy yet.

I believe this is serious business that's why I came to ask about the legal aspect of it.

I wonder if you all are this judgmental about others in real life or just here because you can hide behind anonymity.

No I don't agree with my husband all the time, but he respects me enough to understand when things are important to me and no go around my back on them. I agree with your dh that this is a no biggie procedure, but I do think you need counseling if you really think he would have it done without your knowledge while you were recovering when he knows you are opposed.

Anonymous wrote:You're a complete idiot if you think the heel prick hurts more. The AAP admits it is painful to babies and has gone into detail on which anesthetics are most effective.

No, unfortunately anesthetic is not always used. Often only a topical anesthetic is used, which does not help with the whole surgery, only the initial part.

No just a witness to seeing several boys get both done.

You're a complete idiot if you think the heel prick hurts more. The AAP admits it is painful to babies and has gone into detail on which anesthetics are most effective.

No, unfortunately anesthetic is not always used. Often only a topical anesthetic is used, which does not help with the whole surgery, only the initial part.

Anonymous wrote:NP here. If you actually think your DH would even consider going behind your back on this, then no your marriage is not anywhere near healthy. The tone you have taken with him about this may well have something to do with it, or it may just be the way your communication has evolved after years of dysfunction. I don't know you so I can't tell. But what you have said makes me gravely concerned for your marriage. Deny it if it makes you feel better, but maybe these comments will cause you to think twice and get some counseling. Your future baby will thank you -- circumcised or not!

Puh-lease!

You guys are so freaking funny!

Do you guys agree about everything all the time?

As I said, for DH this is not a medical procedure, it's "no biggie" like he says. He just doesn't want the kid to be mocked in school. And we don't even know if it's a boy yet.

I believe this is serious business that's why I came to ask about the legal aspect of it.

I wonder if you all are this judgmental about others in real life or just here because you can hide behind anonymity.

Anonymous wrote:Mutilated vs. stinky pocket full of staphylococcus smegma

Don't you have soap and water at home?