Anonymous wrote:This is an issue in public and private schools, OP. In public schools, black males have a different suspension rate for the exact same offenses. It's just how the world is. You are at the school, hopefully, because you have identified something your child gets there that he cannot get anywhere else, not because paying tuition entitles you to a life void of racism. We all have to work toward that together.

I can tell you that the same attitudes exist amongst parents in the public/charter school world in DC as well. "How can we get the poor kids out of the school that is in our neighborhood?" "How can we get more white kids to the school?" "Yes, the school has lots of AAs but they are high-SES, so, you know..."

You live with this, you deal with this and you always will. The US has a strong legacy of racism. The best thing you can do for your child is to give him a great education so that he can help to educate the world out of ignorance. He will know what it means to be on the outside (and btw unless he goes to an HBCU, he will experience this at the next level anyway) and hopefully he can turn that into something positive. To be young, gifted and black...a blessing and a curse.

I call bs on the bolded comment above, cite the source, and post a link to the peer reviewed jouranl article and let';s see the sample size, longitudinal range of teh study, etc..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How's your DC treated at his/her independent school? Do you think fairly? Is it easier for boys than girls? Which schools do a good job educating children of color? I've heard varying stories some great and some horrible? Do elite blacks fair better than FA blacks? I know this is like talking about the elephant in the room but I really would like to hear your well thought out views. Please if you can't respond responsibly don't add your input! Just want to hear other parents perspectives of all races.

I am white, but DC attends one private, went to camp at another and I work at a third and here are my impressions:


If a black child is well behaved and does well academically, they will be accepted and gain praise( girl or boy) . I have seen this play out over and over again.

Poor academic performance or bad behavior will be met with compassion at first, and then less and less patience. This is true for white children as well. The difference is : if you get negative feedback at any point, will you "trip on it" and suspect it is because your child is black, when actually it would just be the behavior? The question is : how healthy are your relationships with white people because, if the chips are ever down and you need to trust administrators or teachers, they won't ALWAYS be white, but most of the time they will.

If THAT is a problem for you at your gut level, then look for a school that has more AA Admin ( GDS comes to mind) and where most of the AA families tend to be wealthy, and not the ones on FA so that the road has already been paved for you.

Good luck.


I agree with the PP who said a well-behaved child who is performing academically well will be fine. I would up that and add: extremely well-behaved and an academic super star, particularly if it's a boy on substantial FA.

OP, you asked and you received. These statements are indicative of the culture in private and public schools where there is what I call the 'walking on egg shells' environment for smart black kids so whites will accept them. Note the statements 'if the black child is well-behaved' and 'the extremely well-behaved child who is performing academically will be fine'. Why are all black kids held to a different standard when white kids should WHOLLY be held to the same standard?

And please don't give me crap that I have misunderstood these statements especially the one about being extremely well behaved, etc'. I have not! Maybe if white kids were held to the SAME exceptional standards, there would be no setting schools on fire, boys creating internet sex pages, all-girl schools and all-boy school dances grinding, SAT cheating scandals, drug sales at schools, mean girls/boys who bully, etc. These were all acts done by white kids at private schools and reported in newspapers, radio, etc, and my list is far from complete. Not that black kids don't misbehave but quit acting as white kids are the exception to all misbehaving rules.

Yes, you can say I'm angry. I'm angry because of the double-standard and egg shell walking and defining by posters how black kids should be when most of their kids are NOT extremely well-behaved and academic superior. Before you define how blacks should behave, look to your own house first.

Like I said, if at the first sight of constructive criticism you are going to " trip out" becvaus eof your own ideas abot white peole..... PP, above knee jerked without even reading the full comment ( note bolded, below). racism, a tricky doubled edged sword, isn't it.

"Poor academic performance or bad behavior will be met with compassion at first, and then less and less patience. This is true for white children as well."

Anonymous wrote:Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

MLK, Jr.

The very edited version of Dr. King's 'I Have A Dream Speech' but nevertheless thank you for posting.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

MLK, Jr.

Anonymous wrote:This is an issue in public and private schools, OP. In public schools, black males have a different suspension rate for the exact same offenses. It's just how the world is. You are at the school, hopefully, because you have identified something your child gets there that he cannot get anywhere else, not because paying tuition entitles you to a life void of racism. We all have to work toward that together.

I can tell you that the same attitudes exist amongst parents in the public/charter school world in DC as well. "How can we get the poor kids out of the school that is in our neighborhood?" "How can we get more white kids to the school?" "Yes, the school has lots of AAs but they are high-SES, so, you know..."

You live with this, you deal with this and you always will. The US has a strong legacy of racism. The best thing you can do for your child is to give him a great education so that he can help to educate the world out of ignorance. He will know what it means to be on the outside (and btw unless he goes to an HBCU, he will experience this at the next level anyway) and hopefully he can turn that into something positive. To be young, gifted and black...a blessing and a curse.

Thank you, PP.

Anonymous wrote:This is an issue in public and private schools, OP. In public schools, black males have a different suspension rate for the exact same offenses. It's just how the world is. You are at the school, hopefully, because you have identified something your child gets there that he cannot get anywhere else, not because paying tuition entitles you to a life void of racism. We all have to work toward that together.

I can tell you that the same attitudes exist amongst parents in the public/charter school world in DC as well. "How can we get the poor kids out of the school that is in our neighborhood?" "How can we get more white kids to the school?" "Yes, the school has lots of AAs but they are high-SES, so, you know..."

You live with this, you deal with this and you always will. The US has a strong legacy of racism. The best thing you can do for your child is to give him a great education so that he can help to educate the world out of ignorance. He will know what it means to be on the outside (and btw unless he goes to an HBCU, he will experience this at the next level anyway) and hopefully he can turn that into something positive. To be young, gifted and black...a blessing and a curse.

I am not the poster making the diregoatory remarks, because my child has many AA friends and through our child we have made new friends with their families. Saying that though I will say that if a child is on financial aid and I am not saying AA are on financial aid but if they are, I think bad behavior is less tolerated. Let me tell you why. It is because many people are paying private tuition not to avoid AA children but to avoid the public schools and their inability at times to handle children that are distracting other children. So, when a child is causing trouble and they happen to be on financial aid they probably are more likely to get dismissed because it isn't fair to the other parents that paying (many are sacrificing to pay) private tuition to have the teachers dominated by disciplining unruly children. This is not necessarily how I feel but this is the argument I have heard made before.

+1

This is an issue in public and private schools, OP. In public schools, black males have a different suspension rate for the exact same offenses. It's just how the world is. You are at the school, hopefully, because you have identified something your child gets there that he cannot get anywhere else, not because paying tuition entitles you to a life void of racism. We all have to work toward that together.

I can tell you that the same attitudes exist amongst parents in the public/charter school world in DC as well. "How can we get the poor kids out of the school that is in our neighborhood?" "How can we get more white kids to the school?" "Yes, the school has lots of AAs but they are high-SES, so, you know..."

You live with this, you deal with this and you always will. The US has a strong legacy of racism. The best thing you can do for your child is to give him a great education so that he can help to educate the world out of ignorance. He will know what it means to be on the outside (and btw unless he goes to an HBCU, he will experience this at the next level anyway) and hopefully he can turn that into something positive. To be young, gifted and black...a blessing and a curse.

There are clearly a lot of people with perceptions that their children face racial bias and, at a minimum, stereotyping. Again, it's hard to feel even-handed and cool-headed if your child is in trouble, but I have seen numerous parents of all races blame the school or say their child is being picked on. The white parents who do this tend to say there is a personality conflict with a teacher or coach who does not like/picks on their child; they also will say (unless they are wealthy) that class determines the treatment of their child. Some of the AA parents use the same arguments, some raise issues of racial bias.

In all the cases I can think of, the amazing thing is that the punishment/treatment really was the same across the board as in the past. But people get selective memories and/or (perhaps even more frequently) just aren't in a position to know what has happened in the past unless they've had multiple kids stretching over many years, for example, or have a friend/spouse working at the school. It is understandable -- the instinct to defend one's young is powerful -- but at least at the school I am thinking of the suspicions of unfair disciplinary treatment, by parents of ALL races, seem misplaced. And I do think that a lot of time it distracts attention away from the real issue: the child, and how the issue arose in the first place. Maybe the school is not a good academic fit. Maybe there are learning issues. Maybe there is a substance issue that could be nipped in the bud if dealt with early. Maybe there is a situation with online addiction (the articles on screen time for teens and college students will turn your hair).

I guess I would advise AA parents or other parents of under--represented minorities to balance vigilance (because prejudice still exists) with trust in approaching the school, and try to really get to know some of your childrens' teachers so if you are getting a bad feeling about something you might have a good internal sounding board to raise your concerns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please do get over yourself! The AAs at our private are treated like royals. Finally they go too far and get behind academically, then the parents play the race card. Gets really old. The reverse discimination is amazing. Parents stear clear because they know who will get the blame ... hint it is not "the white kid"

So, who is playing the victim now? I think it is you who needs to get over yourself.

AAs think they own the victim role!

Ignore this person and maybe, just maybe, they will go away. It's obvious what she/he is trying to do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please do get over yourself! The AAs at our private are treated like royals. Finally they go too far and get behind academically, then the parents play the race card. Gets really old. The reverse discimination is amazing. Parents stear clear because they know who will get the blame ... hint it is not "the white kid"

So, who is playing the victim now? I think it is you who needs to get over yourself.

AAs think they own the victim role!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi All,

I am the OP and I really appreciate your insight and thoughtful responses. It's funny much of what has been said here is how I feel. I often times feel that we have to keep quiet and lay low because the school may find reasons to counsel DC out or they may reduce our FA money to ensure DC won't return. DC is doing extremely well in school (top in class according to teacher) and to be honest no one has ever shared that DC is a behavior problem. However, there have been a few issues that made me think twice about the environment and question the handling of certain situations. It's almost like a battle that can't be won. Where are AA parents educating their AA children specifically boys because to be frank public school isn't much of an option! BTW DC attends a so-called BIG 3 and has been for the last 8 years. These issues are not new just trying to figure out how to get a handle on it before it effects our entire family!

Again thank-you to all that have replied!

Wow! That is exactly how I feel most of the time. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing more harm than good for my child because I think I am teaching them to "let things slide." I do not have a public option and it is very stressful when you see things that need to be addressed and have to worry about how the school will react to you and your child. I would love to know which schools do not make FA parents feel this way. Who knows, it could be all in my head...somehow I do not think so.

I know someone who paid Mont.Co. to attend BCC H.S. rather than attend a private school or D.C. Public school. Maybe that's a solution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop tripping! It's all just a figment of your imagination. And, shame on you for listening to your intuition, how dare you put up this post.

You have to be honest with yourself and wake up to the reality that you have a bad ass child.

Yes, always listen to your intuition that EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOUR CHILD and that 2013 Washington DC is just 1950s Birmingham Alabama with gourmet food trucks. Entrust your child to a school but then, just to balance things out, spend all your time assuming the school is trying to destroy your child. Don't worry if your kid smokes pot at school, other kids probably do too and it's swept under the rug. Don't worry if your kid stays up until 2 am playing video games, that's just nasty teachers trying to break his spirit.

I just don't understand post like this. Why do you think that black kids have a monopoly on bad behavior and when white boys act up, shucks, it's just boys being boys?

At my son's school they call Their antics boyish pranks. Black boys will get suspended for the same and/or brought before the school's disciplinary board to decide whether or not the offense is worthy of expulsion. Different rules apply to them. Just like in real life. PPs who excessively worry and warn their son's to lay low do so for this reason. Sickening situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop tripping! It's all just a figment of your imagination. And, shame on you for listening to your intuition, how dare you put up this post.

You have to be honest with yourself and wake up to the reality that you have a bad ass child.

Yes, always listen to your intuition that EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOUR CHILD and that 2013 Washington DC is just 1950s Birmingham Alabama with gourmet food trucks. Entrust your child to a school but then, just to balance things out, spend all your time assuming the school is trying to destroy your child. Don't worry if your kid smokes pot at school, other kids probably do too and it's swept under the rug. Don't worry if your kid stays up until 2 am playing video games, that's just nasty teachers trying to break his spirit.

I just don't understand post like this. Why do you think that black kids have a monopoly on bad behavior and when white boys act up, shucks, it's just boys being boys?

Anonymous wrote:Oh, please do get over yourself! The AAs at our private are treated like royals. Finally they go too far and get behind academically, then the parents play the race card. Gets really old. The reverse discimination is amazing. Parents stear clear because they know who will get the blame ... hint it is not "the white kid"

So, who is playing the victim now? I think it is you who needs to get over yourself.