I was very shy during middle and high school and very awkward socially. I am now successful and have overcome my shyness. One thing I learned: that most of the people I thought were popular in high school did not themselves feel popular. I found out that some of their behavior was their struggling with their own shyness/insecurity/social issues. Tell her that the popular types will overcome their problems, and she will be surprised how nice life is for her, and how nice they actually are, once both she and they are freed from adolescent anxiety.

I am reading all these entries and trying to put a lable on who I was in highschool but, I just can't. I was smart and in top classes, scored spectacularly on standarized test but did not get the best grades (B+ average, I think). I was a total underachiever as I could get by with doing the minimum. I played sports, was good at soccer, made JV girls basketball but quit when it got too "butch-y". I had lots off friends in different circles, cheerleaders, druggies, and everyone in between but, I was also kind of considered a bitch, mostly by the popular football jock boys in my grade. I just didnt cater to their egos at all. I had boyfriends but they were all either older than me or went to different highschools. Also, I was a virgin but liked to party.

I didn't know it then but everyone thought I was beautiful but didn't really "get" me. Some people were scared of me, or thought I was a snob or mean, which if you knew me now, would make you die laughhing. I think alot of this is because I grew up in the South and went to a public highschool (small and decent but nothing academically outstanding). My parents were transplants, not southern at all, and had very differnt values and background than most of my schools peers' parents. My parents were both well educated and from very well educated families. My mom in particular was very different from most of the moms - ivy league educated from an wealthier background and about a decade older than most moms. Many of my peers' moms did not graduate from college.

My family was definitely on the "richer" side in my highschool too. I went away to a summer camp in the mountains every summer. I went on all the school trips to Europe. My parents told me to pick any college I wanted and they would pay for it. But, they didn't let me spend as much money on clothes and stuff as some of my friends and I didn't get a car (much less a new one) for my 16th birthday like some friends who's parents were not as well off as mine. The values in my home were just different. I guess I was just an outlier. I didn't really fit in but I also wasn't a loner. I wasn't popular or unpopular. I kind of went my own way and tried differnt things. I always had a good group of freinds but felt pretty open to hanging out with different people. I wasn't really confident or secure but I don't think I had nearly as much angst as some others. I wasn't afraid to say what I thought, that is for sure, and in the south that can make lots of folks think a girl is trouble.

Anyway, I keep in touch with a handful of highschool friends through Christmas cards and two are still in my life on a more regulart basis. I think I am successful by most standards. I am married to a good guy with two awesome kids, both in a great private school in Washington. I am an attorney and have a great work situation. I have a beauitiful house that I love. There are things I dont have that I wish for but I am also grateful for what I have, mostly my children.

So, Jeff Steele, what about you? I have a wager with another mom on this one. Yeah, we have way too much time on our hands.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like pretty much everyone went to school their whole lives in one place? Any diplomat or military kids who want to weigh in? I went to three different high schools and three different colleges. Pretty much had no friends, still don't save one from high school whom I keep up with on FB. I am not a super star, didn't get a stealler degree, didn't go to grad school. Didn't even know that was an option. In my military family the expectation was to get the MRS degree (yep, sad) and that's pretty much what I did. So I can't really answer your question because I stayed so far below the friends radar I have no idea where anyone is these days and really don't care.

OP is asking who you were in school. Were you the artist kid who painted in Taiwan but was a
band geek in London? ROTC in Nebraska? But cheerleader in Oregon?

Anonymous wrote:By 11th grade I found my niche with the art crowd and found my style somewhere between what was then "new wave" and what eventually was called goth/industrial. Before that I was probably considered smart and trending toward nerdy.

Today I'm a lawyer in what lawyers consider a prestigious practice area, though I'm now with the government so I'm not making millions.

I only know how a few of the popular kids from HS turned out. One manages or maybe is part owner of the family business -- a restaurant (maybe two restaurants). Another (jock) was a youth counselor last I heard.

What would this be?

By 11th grade I found my niche with the art crowd and found my style somewhere between what was then "new wave" and what eventually was called goth/industrial. Before that I was probably considered smart and trending toward nerdy.

Today I'm a lawyer in what lawyers consider a prestigious practice area, though I'm now with the government so I'm not making millions.

I only know how a few of the popular kids from HS turned out. One manages or maybe is part owner of the family business -- a restaurant (maybe two restaurants). Another (jock) was a youth counselor last I heard.

Anonymous wrote:Smart, high-achieving. I went into really brainy persuits, making no money. Now in technical sales that utilizes some smarts, but mostly saavy. Flexible, makes lots of money. Love it.

Good. Now, learn how to spell!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a middle of the road floater- got along with everyone. 2nd tier popular- not the most popular, but was friends with the most popular kids (as well as everyone else) and well known. Plenty of friends and never really had any issues at all in high school with mean girls or bullying or anything like that.

I'm pretty much the same way now. By and large the most popular in my high school are uh, kind of losers. I'm from the South and most of them seem to have stayed in our hometown and settled in. Mediocre jobs, most of them didn't graduate from college or never went and aren't as good looking as they were in high school. (Oh how blessed I feel not to have hit my peak at 17. I was cute then, but much better looking now.) They lead pretty small lives. A couple went to rehab.

I'm not sure if your meek daughter will inherit the earth, but I will say, some of the kids I went to school with who were labeled as nerds or geeks really ARE fabulously funny and interesting adults now, and I would way rather be friends with them and hang out and chat than with the simpletons who were the most popular.

I am from a place where the popular kids -- the HS prom king, football star, are doing perfectly fine and often in very "outgoing" professions like sales/marketing etc. I think the distinction in how the popular kids end up is about the wealth and opportunity in the town. I've heard what you are saying from lots of my friends from small towns; seems like the options were to work really hard to get out for college and stay out for a professional life or to stick around. If you stuck around, there may not have been much educational opportunity beyond community college, if that, and that's when people have to settle for local retail/factory etc. jobs and those are the people you see who talk about the glory days of the HS football championship because that was their biggest achievement. In communities where parents have more resources, it seems like it's easier to go to college - and even if it isn't the best college in the world, you see HS football stars who go to them and discover some sort of passion/interest or maybe a realization that they'll need to earn a living.

Oh, definitely. The popular kids in Bethesda, Maryland will be a totally different breed than the kids from Macon, Georgia (my hometown). And their life trajectories will be totally different.

It sounds like pretty much everyone went to school their whole lives in one place? Any diplomat or military kids who want to weigh in? I went to three different high schools and three different colleges. Pretty much had no friends, still don't save one from high school whom I keep up with on FB. I am not a super star, didn't get a stealler degree, didn't go to grad school. Didn't even know that was an option. In my military family the expectation was to get the MRS degree (yep, sad) and that's pretty much what I did. So I can't really answer your question because I stayed so far below the friends radar I have no idea where anyone is these days and really don't care.

I was pretty middling in school - academically and socially. I had a few close friends but wasn't popular, though I was a cheerleader and in a few clubs. Pretty much the same now, though I blossomed in college and grad school and have excelled in my career. But DH live in an ordinary neighborhood, one child, enjoy travel but lead fairly ordinary lives. The kids who really went on to greatness at my school were those who had a balance of really strong academics - very smart - and great social skills whether they were technically jocks, nerds, or whatever.

I will say that some of the uber nerds have gone on to amazing careers. One classmate won the MacArthur Genius award recently, another is a successful and high profile oncologist, another is a software company owner, and another wrote a book that received great reviews / acclaim. So, yes, many of the nerds went on to lead fascinating lives.

I was nerdy in high school and had very few friends. Looking back, I probably had full-blown social phobia. Talking to people just scared me to death. I hated high school so much, and graduation was one of the happiest days of my life. I'm still nerdy, but I've come to see that matters much less as an adult than as a kid. I found a wonderful nerdy husband, and we have a wonderful nerdy household together. We have friends and a social life and are very happy.

I was just like ally sheedy's character in The Breakfast Club. Totally weird and a social outcast. I blossomed in college and had a blast. I married a gorgeous man and have a great career and four kids. Not many people know about my past.

Anonymous wrote:I was a middle of the road floater- got along with everyone. 2nd tier popular- not the most popular, but was friends with the most popular kids (as well as everyone else) and well known. Plenty of friends and never really had any issues at all in high school with mean girls or bullying or anything like that.

I'm pretty much the same way now. By and large the most popular in my high school are uh, kind of losers. I'm from the South and most of them seem to have stayed in our hometown and settled in. Mediocre jobs, most of them didn't graduate from college or never went and aren't as good looking as they were in high school. (Oh how blessed I feel not to have hit my peak at 17. I was cute then, but much better looking now.) They lead pretty small lives. A couple went to rehab.

I'm not sure if your meek daughter will inherit the earth, but I will say, some of the kids I went to school with who were labeled as nerds or geeks really ARE fabulously funny and interesting adults now, and I would way rather be friends with them and hang out and chat than with the simpletons who were the most popular.

I am from a place where the popular kids -- the HS prom king, football star, are doing perfectly fine and often in very "outgoing" professions like sales/marketing etc. I think the distinction in how the popular kids end up is about the wealth and opportunity in the town. I've heard what you are saying from lots of my friends from small towns; seems like the options were to work really hard to get out for college and stay out for a professional life or to stick around. If you stuck around, there may not have been much educational opportunity beyond community college, if that, and that's when people have to settle for local retail/factory etc. jobs and those are the people you see who talk about the glory days of the HS football championship because that was their biggest achievement. In communities where parents have more resources, it seems like it's easier to go to college - and even if it isn't the best college in the world, you see HS football stars who go to them and discover some sort of passion/interest or maybe a realization that they'll need to earn a living.

Smart girl, pretty and a bit wild. I cleaned up mid college always did well in school and have a great, successful career , good marriage and generally happy family life. I will say I have always made deep, sincere friendships and am still friends with the people I dated seriously in the past. I am caring and sincere which I think goes a long way in this world. I tend to seek out my own. As such, I was never super comfortable with the super popular crowd which in my highschool equated to superficial.

Smart, high-achieving. I went into really brainy persuits, making no money. Now in technical sales that utilizes some smarts, but mostly saavy. Flexible, makes lots of money. Love it.