Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

I see your kids in therapy for mommy issues somewhere down the road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. You need to get out, now. My husband and I have regular date nights (monthly) and we each have a monthly guys/girls night out with friends. Not to mention, time off. Yesterday, he took the kids while I had a brunch with friends. Today, I took them while he and the guys watched the game.

You need to talk. Now.

That is all great, but don't you feel like you're growing apart? I miss my alone time with my husband and monthly isn't very often.

Nope, we just did a kid free staycation for a weekend and it was great. Sex, wine, food amd bad TV. It was great. My inlaws take the kids for a weekend every other month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you trade mornings/afternoons off for "me" time? ie, each one of you gets a 3 hour break on a saturday or a sunday. just going to starbucks to sit by yourself for a bit can be a big help.

OP here. I could try this, but honestly I don't really want to go sit by myself at Starbucks. I'd rather have lunch with my wife, or - if I had any friends left - do something with one of them. But it's an idea....worth proposing. The tough thing is my wife interprets anything "Let's leave the kids with a babysitter" (or with each other) as somehow the same as "Fuck the kids! Abandon them! Tell them you don't love them!"... So wanting a life outside diapers = You are a shitty dad/mom... Thus, any mention of such activities is met with some resistance.
Even dropping the kids off at her parents (who would LOVE it) is generally a great way to start a fight. Proposing an overnight is probably on par to suggesting we drop the kids at an orphanage in her head.

I'm sorry, the way you feel is her fault! There's nothing wrong with some alone/non-kid time. It's a necessity for your sanity and for being a good parent. Re-read your post, you resent your kids and you don't want that. Your wife has an issue she needs to address, but you need to be honest and direct about this with her before you lose your mind. How come you don't have any young parent friends in your position? Usually people get married and have kids around the same time. At least high school/college friends. Please believe me when I day this isn't normal at all. Talk to her now before you rum away!

Please take your soporific side argument to the nanny forum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

NP here. I agree re: babysitters--I will not let complete strangers alone with my kids. Nobody comes to your home telling you they are Jerry Sandusky. I did a rotation at Childrens' Hospital and most of the patients coming in were young girls (under 10) who were sexually assaulted. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about this. My parents watch the kids, no one else.

How are you going to send them to school, or off to college? Will they ever be allowed to go to a slumber party? We have a trusted babysitter--it's a young woman who works with my husband. She had to have an extensive background check to get the job she's currently in, and he sees her every day. It is possible to find good people. Being a paranoid can't be good for your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

NP here. I agree re: babysitters--I will not let complete strangers alone with my kids. Nobody comes to your home telling you they are Jerry Sandusky. I did a rotation at Childrens' Hospital and most of the patients coming in were young girls (under 10) who were sexually assaulted. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about this. My parents watch the kids, no one else.

I assume I am reading this wrong, because most of the patients coming to Childrens are NOT young girls sexually assaulted. I worked there for years (left last September) and that is absolute garbage. Not sure what you meant by this - maybe you meant most of the sexual assault patients coming in with were girls under 10? Even if that is your assumption, that's not been my experience either.

Jesus, what a thing to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

NP here. I agree re: babysitters--I will not let complete strangers alone with my kids. Nobody comes to your home telling you they are Jerry Sandusky. I did a rotation at Childrens' Hospital and most of the patients coming in were young girls (under 10) who were sexually assaulted. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about this. My parents watch the kids, no one else.

I gently suggest that, based on the grim statistics of this subject, the vast majority of those very unfortunate children you encountered at the hospital were abused by family members or close friends of family members.

People can find a way to be a smart, cautious parent, and get good caregivers/babysitters. Then these parents can take a break, recharge by themselves, as a couple, and/or with friends, and return to their kids, with all involved better for the break.

EXACTLY.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

NP here. I agree re: babysitters--I will not let complete strangers alone with my kids. Nobody comes to your home telling you they are Jerry Sandusky. I did a rotation at Childrens' Hospital and most of the patients coming in were young girls (under 10) who were sexually assaulted. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about this. My parents watch the kids, no one else.

I gently suggest that, based on the grim statistics of this subject, the vast majority of those very unfortunate children you encountered at the hospital were abused by family members or close friends of family members.

People can find a way to be a smart, cautious parent, and get good caregivers/babysitters. Then these parents can take a break, recharge by themselves, as a couple, and/or with friends, and return to their kids, with all involved better for the break.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

NP here. I agree re: babysitters--I will not let complete strangers alone with my kids. Nobody comes to your home telling you they are Jerry Sandusky. I did a rotation at Childrens' Hospital and most of the patients coming in were young girls (under 10) who were sexually assaulted. I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about this. My parents watch the kids, no one else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to do date nights at home after the kids are in bed. We don't do babysitters either so we only get real dates maybe once a year when family is in town.

Too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers around. They present themselves very well so nope, the babysitter thing won't change for me. Maybe your wife feels the same, or maybe she has her own reasons.

Sorry, but you sound like one of the crazies.

If that makes you feel better about leaving your kids with someone you know very little about then ok. Do what works for you and I will do the same.

I will, thanks. But to assume that most people are "pedos" and satan worshippers (?) shows a level of paranoia that is not normal.

Is that what I said? Or did I say that I do not leave my children with strangers and give the reason why. I don't care what is "normal" or not. There are a lot of things that are "normal" but still unacceptable to me. "Normal" is not what I base my decisions on, and if I am not comfortable leaving my non talking children with someone who I know nothing about, then that is just what it is. It is not going to change because it is "normal" to leave infants with strangers.

Yes, and the reason you said is that there are too many crazies, pedos, and satan worshippers. And that is paranoid and an unhealthy view of the world. No one is advising you leave your children with strangers you just met off the street. At what point do people stop being "strangers?" Do you really see the 16-year old girl who lives next door, who you've known since she was a child, whose parents you know and trust, as a potential child molester? Or the nanny who has worked for your friend full-time for 4 years? Are these people "strangers" in your book? Because those are the types of people that most of us use as sitters.

Anonymous wrote:

"Normal" is not what I base my decisions on, and if I am not comfortable leaving my non talking children with someone who I know nothing about, then that is just what it is.

You know, a few months ago, I would have disagreed with you. But then my talking toddler asked me "mommy, is it ok that Ms. X puts me in her car without a carseat?" (She is supposed to either use his stroller or not take him out, since she only watches him for a few hours at a time).

Yes, but I think most of us in this post are talking about leaving children with a sitter on a weekend, when the kids are mostly sleeping.

I take my 7mo hiking with me, She goes in a back carrier and we go in the woods with our 2 dogs for an hour about 3x a week.
Your 3 yo should be able to handle a short walk, and you can gradually build him up to slightly longer ones. Take the younger one in a back carrier, you could even go as a family. Stop somewhere on the way back for lunch or a hot chocolate.

Kids that have a schedule are usually happier kids. Plan activities with them. You may not like it at first, but at the end of the day you will feel like you've had a better day.

As is often the case with posts like these the issues appear to be marital rather than parental.

OP, it sounds like your wife has picked a parenting lifestyle that is brutal. I believe that the relationship I have with DH is the most important relationship in the family, and it's important to nurture that relationship so that we can be good parents to our kids.

The life you describe sounds oppressive and not normal. People here who are telling you to just buck up and be a parent are off their rockers. My DD is two. Even though DH travels full time, I work out 5 days a week, see friends during the week (They stop by during the week and we have wine after DD goes to bed), and we see friends on the weekends. We have people over for dinner post-bedtime, or we go out separately with our friends. a couple of times a month. It sounds like your wife has a lot of anxiety - the one thing I would advise is to not make her feel bad about being anxious. That will just make the anxiety worse. It does sound to me like seeing a therapist would help. Sure, there is a minisicule risk of harm harm that might occur as a result of your kids being away from you for a b it, but there is definitely harm to your kids being raised in such a stressful situation. Divorce would harm your kids too. Make an appointment with a family therapist and go from there.

"Normal" is not what I base my decisions on, and if I am not comfortable leaving my non talking children with someone who I know nothing about, then that is just what it is.

You know, a few months ago, I would have disagreed with you. But then my talking toddler asked me "mommy, is it ok that Ms. X puts me in her car without a carseat?" (She is supposed to either use his stroller or not take him out, since she only watches him for a few hours at a time).