Anonymous
Post 09/19/2014 09:16     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Indian Hindu. Grew up in India.

There was no concept of sleepovers when we were growing up. When I was in college, I would go to another friend's house to study or for projects and often slept in her house if it got very late - but it was not the same as sleepovers here.

I really have to trust the parents and the kid to allow my DD to go for a sleepover. I have on the other hand, hosted a lot of sleepovers for my DD, starting from MS. I am more comfortable that other kids come to my house rather than my kid goes to someone else's house.

I have rules for the kids - but I sweeten the deal with tons of food, snacks, comfy mattresses and bedding for everyone on the floor of my family room and a very fancy breakfast.

Anonymous
Post 09/19/2014 09:00     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:AA, and we did not have sleepovers for the same reasons as OP. (cousins were OK)


I'm AA too, and while we didn't judge others who had them, we never participated in or had sleepovers. Family is family. That doesn't count as a sleepover.



Another AA here. Originally from the Midwest, older "old-school" parents.

I NEVER had friends over and never had anyone sleep in our small house. (Sister and I shared a room).
It wasn't until I had a white girlfriend, that I was invited to stay overnight and it was very, very, very difficult to get my parents to agree to it. My folks didn't want me going anywhere that was not school, home, or my part-time job.

My kids do sleepovers but usually stay with the friend.
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2014 03:01     Subject: Re:S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Hey, shout out, another German here. (In fact, I'm writing this from the Frankfurt airport now!)

Yes, common in Germany. Co-ed was much more common here than in the US, too, at least it was back when I was growing up. (Late 70s/early 80s). I had sleepovers with my friends who were boys and girls, and can't quite recall when it was just girls. Probably there was a break in there before we started dating age, think maybe it was 6th grade or so. Would probably make most American parents pass out to suggest that. Kind of a pity, since we were really just friends.....
Anonymous
Post 09/19/2014 02:49     Subject: Re:S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
German and it's the most common thing for us. I was on sleepovers all the time when I was little - greatest fun ever. I will definitely let my kids experience the same thing Camping in our or my friend's backyard with my friend during the summer is still one of my fondest memories!
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 12:58     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the molestation fears. 99% of sleepovers I went to involved 5+ girls. We weren't ever alone with a male relative. I also was crazy ignorant about child molestation until I was at least 20. I had no clue stuff like that went on. Even still, we wouldn't have allowed one of our friends to go off with someone else's dad!


+1

I wonder if it is foreign parents that simply do not want to host or take part in sleepovers; who are exaggerating any concerns, or who have been assaulted by one of their own creepy relatives (so many generations residing together). Or perhaps being social is not a priority to them, as certain foreign cultures do not make having social skills a priority. [I have seen some cultures that are so insecure and competitive, rather than apply themselves to being more social and learning - they are willing to say anything about a clearly very successful family. Do you think the story telling family is boosting their image, reputation and credibility THAT way? Quite the opposite! "Do you know what happens at THEIR sleepovers??? They smoke crack!!" BAHAHAHA.]



Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 12:51     Subject: Re:S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Anonymous wrote:I went to sleepovers all the time as a kid and have many happy memories of those parties. Decades later, I'm still close friends with several women who were my childhood friends. I cherish those friendships. My DD, who's a young teen, frequently hosts sleepovers and goes to the homes of close friends for sleepovers. The same was true for her older brothers, who are now in college. We usually limit the party to no more than 3 or 4 kids at a time and have never had a problem.

This thread has made me very grateful to my parents, who immigrated to the US from another country where sleepovers were not the norm. They understood that my sibs and I were growing up in a different culture with different social rituals than they had experienced. Of course they took steps to know the parents of our friends so they would feel comfortable with allowing us to stay at their homes. Similarly, DH and I make an effort to know the parents of our children's friends. This isn't hard to do and often leads to lovely friendships among the adults.

As far as having older brothers in the house where the sleepover is held. When we host, we always tell parents of our guests that we have two older sons, so they can decide if they feel comfortable with that. We know our sons, we know their friends and we trust them, but we do also monitor things very closely. When we have guys sleeping over, they go to the basement and the girls sleep upstairs on the same floor as we do. To be honest, we have had more problems with getting the younger girls to let the older guys have some space. In particular, the girls who don't have brothers are fascinated by DS and his friends. It's interesting because our DD, who has grown up with many guys around the house -- she also has 4 male cousins -- doesn't share that besotted attitude toward teen guys!


+1000

This is very true, I can relate very much to your post!

My immigrant parents were very much "against" sleep overs. By middle school, my parents decided "When in Rome, do as the Romans do..." was fitting, and so they did. Some of the best memories I have of growing up were of me and my best buddies staying up late chatting. We are still great friends, in fact. There certainly was never anything creepy or untoward going on. But then again, my parents were sure to take the time to know the other parents. My parents knew that was their responsibility.

I have both brothers and sisters, and now my own boys and girls. It never once occurred to me that parents would be judging a family so harshly - for having boys???? I agree with PP that the girls without brothers are the most curious and aggressive toward being with the boys (who quite frankly, want nothing to do with the girls because they are busy playing sports outside) when visiting our house, so we quickly learn to keep those particular girls away from our sons. The girls don't get the attention they want/need, and they try to blame the oblivious boys, and those girls are really too much work.

This will get flamed, but I am under the distinct impression that one or two posters have been assaulted themselves, and are looking to place blame somewhere. Sleepovers??? Really????
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 12:43     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
White American who grew up in Philly. Yes, had sleepovers all the time, often for no special occasion. We didn't host too many, because the other kids parents were usually much more permissive than mine. Most often it was with a girl down the street or my cousins.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 12:42     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
I'm curious about the molestation fears. 99% of sleepovers I went to involved 5+ girls. We weren't ever alone with a male relative. I also was crazy ignorant about child molestation until I was at least 20. I had no clue stuff like that went on. Even still, we wouldn't have allowed one of our friends to go off with someone else's dad!
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 12:39     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
American from FL- the BEST birthday parties were the ones with sleepovers!!! We had sleepovers every weekend. Good fun!
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 12:24     Subject: Re:S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why are relatives okay, too? Aren't many children molested by relatives since the relatives have easy access are are assumed to be trustworthy?


This is my question as well. I know of people who were molested by older cousins. If that's the concern I think you just have to say no sleEpovers with ANYONE. Just because you 'know' the cousins well, doesn't mean it's any different than a good friend, IMO.

I'm Asian and was allowed sleepovers as a kid. Loved them!

Not sure what I'll do with my kids after reading that other thread. Right now, my kids are still young.


I had the same thought, but at the same time... I'd allow my kids to sleep in the same house as their father, my husband. At some point you have to draw a line.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 09:46     Subject: Re:S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
This thread makes me feel better about the fact I'm not crazy about the kids going to or hosting sleepovers! (I did have some growing up, but not a ton.) I just don't like it because I like our family time together and it makes for a very disrupted weekend. Terrible of me, I know.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 09:45     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mention Catholic on this board. The minority in this area. Either that, or the most "permissible" to slam. Not cool. Just don't mention it. There is nothing PC about being Catholic. It is code for whipping post in these parts.




Totally off topic to the post and unnecessary. Go away, troll,


Um, you're just kind of proving her point.
Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 09:43     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Anonymous wrote:AA, and we did not have sleepovers for the same reasons as OP. (cousins were OK)


I'm AA too, and while we didn't judge others who had them, we never participated in or had sleepovers. Family is family. That doesn't count as a sleepover.

Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 09:31     Subject: S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Indian Muslim. Never allowed to go to sleepovers for the longest time and then I in high school I was good friends with another Muslim girl and was allowed to sleep over her home a couple times.

Anonymous
Post 09/18/2014 09:25     Subject: Re:S/O are sleepovers normal in your culture?
Interesting thread. I didn't know it was a cultural thing. I grew up all over the world, but culturally I am from the American south. Growing up sleepovers were very, very common. My best friend and I used to alternate weekends at each other's houses. When my girls were still at home, it was unusual if there was a weekend when someone wasn't sleeping over.