also the very idea of committing to something for 20 years is an investment, so I don't understand the comment about how you do not consider your home purchase an investment.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are looking to buy in an area where starter homes are $ 800k and the average sale price is $ 1.2M. We have 300k savings. We could actually afford the monthly payments on a 1.2M house (HHI 400k, no debt). I just hate the idea of spending 7k every month for 15 years when we could be spending 3k.

To those of you with older kids: how much stigma do your children experience if you live in a 1950s split-level instead of a 4000 sq ft home dating from the early 2000s? I am aware that the home is the nr. 1 status symbol. Would my child feel more self-confident inviting friends over to the 4000 sq ft home instead of the 1600 sq ft split-level or rambler? Is that worth 400k + interest + increased real-estate taxes?

Apart from the children, how much do you think your own standing in the community is affected by what kind of house do you have?

We plan to live in our next house for at least 20 years, so I do not consider it an investment. Even if we buy the more expensive house, the upkeep will have cost so much by the time we sell it that I do not expect to make any profit.

The short answer is, yes. When my kids got old enough to have playdates, some of their friends remarked on the size of our rambler. They were young enough that the remarks from the kids weren't mean spirited, just genuine surprise. It made an impression on our kids, especially when they saw how some of their friends were living.

We eventually moved up to a bigger house. Not because of that incident, mind you. But my kids are now basically on par with their friends.

Anonymous wrote:Mcmantion kids in potomac find friends in their neighborhoods.
The cheaper house will come with the kind of friends where the parents sophistecation does not match yours.
Do you want the parents of your childs peer group to be intellectuals or the local peasants?

Irony alert!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the helpful advice re older colonials and fixer-uppers.

For the rest of you, here's some background info: I grew up in a (non-immigrant) community where kids constantly were saying "we live in "fill in with name of posh neighborhood". This is not about the "values" that I teach my own kids but a regrettable fact of life.

In any case, it is nice to know that we will live among such nice and non-judgmental people.

I don't think OP is insecure - it is a totally valid question. Fact is, DH and I are pretty minimalist and we'd be totally happy living in our 2BR/1BA house with two teenagers. We just don't need that much "stuff" and we're frugal, living below our means.

But I too concern about being on the far, far extreme of the wealthy area where we live. We both grew up in more normal circumstances for where we lived and I'm just not sure its fair to impose such aeseticism on middle schoolers or teens. Where I grew up the one apartment complex was heavily stigmatized, and it was similar where my husband grew up.

Those who are quick to criticize need to at least appreciate that a person who is asking the question, is living below their means and doesn't care too much about the "extra bedroom" or the "bigger kitchen" for themselves. Just want to think critically about what's right for kids and whether its right to live in the 1% of being a buddhist monk.

(We're ttc and plan to stay in the little house as long as possible, btw, but we'll probably feel cramped for space (and move) before having to reach the issue of whether to move because of social issues for our high schoolers. You have to give OP credit for being forthright with the issue and non-materialistic, I think.)

We bought an end-game large-ish house for ourselves, our kids, and our out-of-town parents' guest room because we work our @sses off, save our money, need the room, and lived in shoebox apartments in NYC, London, Philly and NW DC until we were 33 yo and ready to buy.

Oh, and I don't care what anyone thinks of anywhere I've chosen to live, rent or own now or in the past. Our neighbors are mix, as are all the neighborhoods around here - Pre-2002 buyers and post-2002 buyers.

If you are calling it a "starter home" are you intending to move in 5-7 years?
If so I'd be wary in this flat market. You will either be living there much longer OR selling at a loss (with 2x the realtor fees) to trade up.
May be wiser to save up more downpayment money and go to the property you can "grow into" over 5-10-15+ years!

As for your "stigma" question, if you search out attitudes like that, you'll no doubt find it in whatever you happen to see, or go batty!

OP, there is no right answer to this, it's subjective. Seems like for you status is important, whatever which way you turn it around. It would not make sense for you to ask, if this didn't matter to you in the first place. So, go for what will make you not second guess yourself as long as you can afford the house.

Some people like to entertain and impress people with their homes, this is the way they are, nothing wrong with that. Others, don't care and are not domestic enough to even put effort into decorating and maintaining homes. Income and networth don't have to do with this at all, this is how the people are. There are rich people living in small houses and some of them do not like to entertain or deal with guests at all. Some have multiple homes, so the one you see is just one of them. if you are an adult with half the brain, you will know that you cannot judge someone's networth based on appearances.

Anonymous wrote:Mcmantion kids in potomac find friends in their neighborhoods.
The cheaper house will come with the kind of friends where the parents sophistecation does not match yours.
Do you want the parents of your childs peer group to be intellectuals or the local peasants?

Yes, people living in Gtown or AU park are peasants.

Mcmantion kids in potomac find friends in their neighborhoods.
The cheaper house will come with the kind of friends where the parents sophistecation does not match yours.
Do you want the parents of your childs peer group to be intellectuals or the local peasants?

It's not size, it's distance from HS and friends that matters more.

If your kids go to HS in NW DC, the smaller townhouse in Georgetown or AU Park is going to be the far more popular hangout than the 6000 sq ft McMansion in Potomac. And, trust me, the parents of these kids are going to be grateful that their kids don't have to drive those roads late at night in order to hang out with their friends.