1) at least you own (unless you are under water then I'm sorry)

2) go for #2

3) f&ck those experts. This year or next, special needs or not, you child will have to function in a classroom setting better to start adjusting now than at an older age.

4) good luck. We are in your same boat, same HHI and can't 'afford' aka less than 3x gross income, a home less than 1.5 hours away from work.

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is, don't move to San Francisco. My sister and her husband live there on your HHI and almost every month I have to float her some cash. And they don't even have kids OR a car.

My trust-fund baby cousin asked his mommy for $700,000 to put a down payment on a house in SF.

To live comfortablely you need to make about 60% the average house price.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is, don't move to San Francisco. My sister and her husband live there on your HHI and almost every month I have to float her some cash. And they don't even have kids OR a car.

Seriously? Yikes.

Yup. According to this, the average price of a STUDIO apartment in San Francisco is just over $2000.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-micro-apartments-20120924,0,5210788.story

Not if you don't live in an awesome neighborhood. Yeah, it is expensive, but frankly, I wouldn't be floating them cash.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is, don't move to San Francisco. My sister and her husband live there on your HHI and almost every month I have to float her some cash. And they don't even have kids OR a car.

Seriously? Yikes.

SF is back breaking-ly expensive but oh so worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is, don't move to San Francisco. My sister and her husband live there on your HHI and almost every month I have to float her some cash. And they don't even have kids OR a car.

Seriously? Yikes.

Yup. According to this, the average price of a STUDIO apartment in San Francisco is just over $2000.

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-micro-apartments-20120924,0,5210788.story

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we don't have cable and we didn't have internet until a short time ago. We did all internet related things at our offices and/or, in a pinch, the library. We still don't have cable. Partly by living this way, we have paid off all student loans, have a huge emergency fund, are saving for retirement and child's college education, have paid for IF treatments out of pocket (which were unsuccessful), have paid for one adoption out of pocket and are currently in process of adopting #2 (both adoptions, international). Do not, NOT, tell me, "Cutting little things like cable doesn't make a difference." Other things we have done: lived with one car until we could afford to pay cash for a 2nd one; and rented out 2 extra bedrooms in our house. Yeah, we seriously did that too. If you want something, it is amazing what you can sacrifice to make sure you get it. Your problem (OP and some others) is that you are saying you want everything. Cannot have everything all the time.

Penny wise and pound foolish. SAHM?

Offices plural = we both work.

International adoption is affordable and cable is not. Gotcha.

No, Moron. Life is about choices. She chose to raise children.

It is all about expectations. Your income provides a nice life free from worry and access to many luxuries. That is more than most can have on this crowed planet, or even in this country.

Very few people on this planet get to be truly rich. Life is hard.

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is, don't move to San Francisco. My sister and her husband live there on your HHI and almost every month I have to float her some cash. And they don't even have kids OR a car.

Seriously? Yikes.

All I can say is, don't move to San Francisco. My sister and her husband live there on your HHI and almost every month I have to float her some cash. And they don't even have kids OR a car.

OP, I understand where you're coming from. We also bring in 160K and I'm disgusted by how little we have to put away every month after our expenses (this doesn't even count 401K, 529, etc). Every month something comes up: last month we had to replace the HVAC, this month I needed a new crown on my tooth. We only have 1 car and I recently started walking to work to save $60 from metro. The other day, DH had a fit because I told him we needed to stop purchasing his Coke Zero and just drink water. Some top 10% lifestyle huh? Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what we have and at least we're not in the red, but I don't like living like this. DC is nice, but at this rate, we will not be able to provide our DS with an equivalent lifestyle we had growing up - which trust me wasn't extravagant. We have begun researching other options and will hopefully move by the end of next year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we don't have cable and we didn't have internet until a short time ago. We did all internet related things at our offices and/or, in a pinch, the library. We still don't have cable. Partly by living this way, we have paid off all student loans, have a huge emergency fund, are saving for retirement and child's college education, have paid for IF treatments out of pocket (which were unsuccessful), have paid for one adoption out of pocket and are currently in process of adopting #2 (both adoptions, international). Do not, NOT, tell me, "Cutting little things like cable doesn't make a difference." Other things we have done: lived with one car until we could afford to pay cash for a 2nd one; and rented out 2 extra bedrooms in our house. Yeah, we seriously did that too. If you want something, it is amazing what you can sacrifice to make sure you get it. Your problem (OP and some others) is that you are saying you want everything. Cannot have everything all the time.

Penny wise and pound foolish. SAHM?

Offices plural = we both work.

International adoption is affordable and cable is not. Gotcha.

OP here. I get it - she's talking priorities. I've made it clear I've cut every little thing I can but I prioritize cable and internet as important. We don't have a landline and with two jobs that sometimes require nontraditional hours cell phones are non-negotiable. I do not have room in my house to rent and with a small child I'm not renting to strangers in my home anyway. We only have one car. These things are really not my point. Bottom line - this is a bitchin hard city to live in for so many reasons, period, and money is a major part of that for sure.

And no, I didn't get shit done at work today. Thanks to everyone for your responses and for "listening." It stopped me from punching a well-meaning but totally off-base "specialist" in the face. I still can't believe what she said to me, which I took as "Congratulations on fucking up your child." As if that were somehow helpful and as if I plan to pay her for such "help." Um, no. But thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not take this the wrong way, but DO NOT have another child until you are financially comfortable to add another one.

And until you are emotionally stable. Zoloft isn't a good answer to financial strains. Is there more going on here, OP?

Yes, of course. Life is a PITA right now. And really, this is more about plans not working out exactly when and how I want them to (because life keeps getting in the way with, yes, things that cost money) than it is about the actual money. It's like one big joke after another - I make plans, and God laughs at me, over and over and over. I can honestly afford another child. What I can't afford is living here anymore. That's the more that's going on here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we don't have cable and we didn't have internet until a short time ago. We did all internet related things at our offices and/or, in a pinch, the library. We still don't have cable. Partly by living this way, we have paid off all student loans, have a huge emergency fund, are saving for retirement and child's college education, have paid for IF treatments out of pocket (which were unsuccessful), have paid for one adoption out of pocket and are currently in process of adopting #2 (both adoptions, international). Do not, NOT, tell me, "Cutting little things like cable doesn't make a difference." Other things we have done: lived with one car until we could afford to pay cash for a 2nd one; and rented out 2 extra bedrooms in our house. Yeah, we seriously did that too. If you want something, it is amazing what you can sacrifice to make sure you get it. Your problem (OP and some others) is that you are saying you want everything. Cannot have everything all the time.

Penny wise and pound foolish. SAHM?

Offices plural = we both work.

International adoption is affordable and cable is not. Gotcha.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey, we don't have cable and we didn't have internet until a short time ago. We did all internet related things at our offices and/or, in a pinch, the library. We still don't have cable. Partly by living this way, we have paid off all student loans, have a huge emergency fund, are saving for retirement and child's college education, have paid for IF treatments out of pocket (which were unsuccessful), have paid for one adoption out of pocket and are currently in process of adopting #2 (both adoptions, international). Do not, NOT, tell me, "Cutting little things like cable doesn't make a difference." Other things we have done: lived with one car until we could afford to pay cash for a 2nd one; and rented out 2 extra bedrooms in our house. Yeah, we seriously did that too. If you want something, it is amazing what you can sacrifice to make sure you get it. Your problem (OP and some others) is that you are saying you want everything. Cannot have everything all the time.

Penny wise and pound foolish. SAHM?

Offices plural = we both work.