Anonymous wrote:DH works his ass of at the office, so the house is my job - having said that, DH is always the first to jump in to help me with everything no matter tired he is. However, I shush him away and tell him to go relax.

Im the PP. My kids are in school all day. Yes, I'm busy with making doc appts, grocery shopping etc., but my day is easier than his. I have time to work out - he doesn't. I have time to get my hair done - he has to wait and use his precious weekend time, I have time to meet my girlfriends for lunch - he has to shove a sandwhich down his throat while sitting at his desk. Not for nothing but I think my day is a bit easier than his. and even after a tough day he still clears the table without being asked.

Perhaps the ones who made ugly comments are feeling a bit guilty that they are so selfish and self-centered?

I will say, as a DH, that I had a bit of an ego about my helping around the house contribution until I read these responses. I still stack up pretty well, but not enough to stick my chest out.

I find these responses helpful and generally a good sign of how moms and dads are working together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two comments:

- Totally depends if one of the spouses is stay-at-home or works part-time - Agree.


- It's very sad if you keep score like this. Not keeping score - just trying to figure out what's normal.

Agree that it is very sad to keep score. And, there is no normal. Life changes constantly - kids age, you add more kids, you have a huge project at work, your partner loses a job, you have an injury and can't do certain chores, your kids develop new interests and add activities, your kid struggles in a subject that you don't get so you can't help with homework, etc.

Good grief! We get it, and the responses have reflected the many nuances. I think OP's looking for generalities, not specifics. It's interesting, but I seriously doubt she plans on taking any of this to the bank.

It's the slackers who are bothered by keeping score (even if that's not the purpose of the posts).

Totally agree about just tallying the leisure time. Problem is my DH manages to convince himself that I enjoy making dinner, mopping the floor etc. After all, why would I do it if I don't enjoy it since if it were up to him it wouldn't get done, or at least not so well. So he'd probably account for those under leisure.

Wow, does everyone have small children? As soon as my kids get older guess who is taking on many of the chores and housework? DS is 5 and vacuums every Sat. morning. He needs a couple of more inches before he is taking over the laundry. He helps me now but soon he is on his own for loading the washer and dryer. I will continue to fold since he hasn't perfected the "Gap t-shirt fold" yet.

Two thoughts:

1. It would be very interesting to compare how a DW/DH pairing each rated work done in their household. I'd bet each person thinks s/he is doing more than half the work.

2. I think a more effective measurement is to assess how much no-responsibility leisure time each person has. How much time is each person sitting around reading a magazine? It's easy to tally up all the things you yourself do around the house, and put them on your side of the ledger. But I'd bet everyone's spouse takes on a lot of jobs we all don't appreciate. As just one example in my house, I spend an hour or two each week searching online for coupons and ordering household supplies for delivery by Amazon. I'd bet my spouse would forget to include that time on any accounting of what we each do. I'm sure it goes both ways too, and I'd forget things my spouse does.

^^^DH also takes out diaper trash and helps with regular trash.

DH works full time but has a very flex schedule and often works from home. There are many days where he is home and done for the day by 4:00 or so. I SAH with toddler and baby.

Bill paying: 100 DH
House maintenance work: 95/5DH
Food shopping: 100 DW
Cooking: 100 DW (though he will pick up take out)
Feeding kids: 100 DW
Dishes: 95/5 DW
Taking care of pet: 60/40 DW
Laundry: 100 DW
Housecleaning: 100 DW
Bath/bedtime routine with kids: 70/30 DW (DH would argue this, but he always forgets about the baby)
Morning routine with kids: 90/10 DW
Any doc apts for kids/dog: 100 DW

I would be happier with this division if DH was working long hours out of the house. It's hard to stomach doing all the cleaning/chores when DH has been home relaxing since 4:00.

There are three adults in our house, one is a special needs (mild) sibling.

Him: 95% cooking, 75% housework, 50% yard work, 100% grocery shopping
Me: 75% of bill-paying, remainder of cooking and 10% housework
Sibling: 50% yard work, 5% housework
Child: 60% pet care, rest falls equally to parents

We adults do our own laundry. Child laundry is a shared endeavor between the 3 of us (mom, dad, child).

I do the majority of childcare and homework help, driving to and from school and activities.

Cooking - 100 DW
Pay bills - 100 DW
House cleaning - 70 DW / 30 DH
Yard maintenance -- we don't have a yard
Homework help -- kids in preschool so no homework, but teaching kids basic reading and math skills -- 100DW
Laundry - 50/50
Grocery shopping - 100 DW
Taking care of pets -- 50/50
Taking care of kids -- 60 DW / 40 DH
Car maintenance -- 90 DH / 10 DW
Keeping our veins filled with coffee -- 100 DH!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I think I missed something. How do we know this is a DH's posting?

You're right, we don't. The WOHM poster (""pretty insulting") assumed that, and I just adopted her assumption. I'm "NP," by the way.

Anonymous wrote:And, what "next nine lines of PP's post" are we referencing?

I was referring to the nine lines of task that were 100% attributed to DW -- dishes, laundry, dinner, etc.

Got it. Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, I think I missed something. How do we know this is a DH's posting?

You're right, we don't. The WOHM poster (""pretty insulting") assumed that, and I just adopted her assumption. I'm "NP," by the way.

Anonymous wrote:And, what "next nine lines of PP's post" are we referencing?

I was referring to the nine lines of task that were 100% attributed to DW -- dishes, laundry, dinner, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work 40 hr week-DH
Work 0 hr/week DW

Dishes 0/100-DW
Laundry 0/100-DW
Dinner 0/100-DW
Dishes 0/100-DW
Yard 0/100-DW
Bills 0/100-DW
Misc. Household chores 0/100-DW
Sick kids/ Dr visits 0/100-DW
Investments 0/100-DH

I'm a WOHM but seeing that 0 hours next to DW is pretty insulting. The mother of your children is staying home to take care of the kids and you don't give her credit for hours worked? You seem like a real ass.

NP. You're ignoring the fact that the next nine lines of PP's post are all about giving DW credit for all the hours she works. Seems like you're just trying to be pissy here.

I agree with you. I wish I could also stay at home; I'd have no problem with my husband posting this list!

I'm sorry, I think I missed something. How do we know this is a DH's posting? And, what "next nine lines of PP's post" are we referencing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work 40 hr week-DH
Work 0 hr/week DW

Dishes 0/100-DW
Laundry 0/100-DW
Dinner 0/100-DW
Dishes 0/100-DW
Yard 0/100-DW
Bills 0/100-DW
Misc. Household chores 0/100-DW
Sick kids/ Dr visits 0/100-DW
Investments 0/100-DH

I'm a WOHM but seeing that 0 hours next to DW is pretty insulting. The mother of your children is staying home to take care of the kids and you don't give her credit for hours worked? You seem like a real ass.

NP. You're ignoring the fact that the next nine lines of PP's post are all about giving DW credit for all the hours she works. Seems like you're just trying to be pissy here.

I agree with you. I wish I could also stay at home; I'd have no problem with my husband posting this list!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work 40 hr week-DH
Work 0 hr/week DW

Dishes 0/100-DW
Laundry 0/100-DW
Dinner 0/100-DW
Dishes 0/100-DW
Yard 0/100-DW
Bills 0/100-DW
Misc. Household chores 0/100-DW
Sick kids/ Dr visits 0/100-DW
Investments 0/100-DH

I'm a WOHM but seeing that 0 hours next to DW is pretty insulting. The mother of your children is staying home to take care of the kids and you don't give her credit for hours worked? You seem like a real ass.

NP. You're ignoring the fact that the next nine lines of PP's post are all about giving DW credit for all the hours she works. Seems like you're just trying to be pissy here.