Anonymous
08/02/2012 21:12
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:i can't believe how many of you are judging a woman for being unmarried. who cares if she's unmarried? shame on you! there are a lot of values that matter to me, but whether someone is married or not certainly isn't one of them.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids.
That's funny. You're talking values but you're not married to the father of your child?
She judged first, and mentioned family values . Totally brought it on herself.
Actually, she didn't say family values, just values and morals. And she has a right to have a set of her own, but thank you to all you douches who stepped in to clarify and deviate from the thread to fixate on the fact that they aren't married. Maybe she doesn't realize that having a ring on her finger makes someone more committed and makes parenting easier, and relationship problems dissolve away. Oh wait - that isn't true?! Gasp!
Anonymous
08/02/2012 21:02
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:i can't believe how many of you are judging a woman for being unmarried. who cares if she's unmarried? shame on you! there are a lot of values that matter to me, but whether someone is married or not certainly isn't one of them.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids.
That's funny. You're talking values but you're not married to the father of your child?
She judged first, and mentioned family values . Totally brought it on herself.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 21:00
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wanted to raise my own kids - not ship them off to "school" for 10 hours a day with someone who likely didn't really care that much about them. I think that it is the best thing you can do for young children. It broke both my DH and my hearts to look at daycare when our first was born. We looked at how destitute the daycare's were for babies (we looked at a ton of centers) and realized there was no way we were going to do that to our children. DH doesn't earn much, but he has untraditional hours which make it better that I am home. If you can do it, I really would. It is such a wonderful experience.
I'm not a self starter. I was bored out of my skull being home. It's wonderful if you are temperamentally suited to it, and don't need external validation.
My "external validation" came from knowing what an awesome thing I was giving my children.
If the daycare is "destitute" then you're not looking at the good ones. Or maybe you're misusing the word. We can rest assured that the workforce isn't missing your spelling and grammar skills.
Seriously? My grammer skills? We did look at great centers. You are just disillusioned if you think your sweet little baby is happy stuck in a one room day care center with 8 other babies and two workers that barely speak english. Even if they are "great," they have so much work to do changing diapers and feeding babies their bottles that they don't have the time to love and cuddle on your kid. News flash - that is YOUR job. I stand firm that little babies should NOT be in day care. Preschoolers are a different story, IMHO. I think that they can learn a lot from day care and it can be an enriching experience. I still choose not to use them. That's ok, you can attack me. But at the end of the day, you know deep down in your heart that you are choosing work over your kids nearly everyday. No amount of calling me out will change that
You're just wrong. The amazing providers (3 for 6 toddlers, btw) love my son. And the reference to them barely speaking English - so you're racist AND ignorant. Wow, your kids are lucky to have you home with them, you snotty bitch.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 20:17
Subject: Re:SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
To actually answer your question:
We knew it was right for us because it what we thought was best for our family dynamic. We knew the stress of my job + tight scheduling in the morning and evening + unpredicability of sickness would be more stressful then we wanted for our home. We wanted everyone to have some time to not be rushed.
Plus we each had times in our relationship where the other didn't make money (during schooling) and through that experience realized that we didn't care if the other brought in money. I have friends where the mom wants to stay home and could easily stay home financially but the husband insists she bring in income. This isn't the case for us and we know that about ourselves - as much as we know we don't handle choas very well
We knew it was right for us because it what we thought was best for our family dynamic. We knew the stress of my job + tight scheduling in the morning and evening + unpredicability of sickness would be more stressful then we wanted for our home. We wanted everyone to have some time to not be rushed.
Plus we each had times in our relationship where the other didn't make money (during schooling) and through that experience realized that we didn't care if the other brought in money. I have friends where the mom wants to stay home and could easily stay home financially but the husband insists she bring in income. This isn't the case for us and we know that about ourselves - as much as we know we don't handle choas very well
Anonymous
08/02/2012 20:06
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wanted to raise my own kids - not ship them off to "school" for 10 hours a day with someone who likely didn't really care that much about them. I think that it is the best thing you can do for young children. It broke both my DH and my hearts to look at daycare when our first was born. We looked at how destitute the daycare's were for babies (we looked at a ton of centers) and realized there was no way we were going to do that to our children. DH doesn't earn much, but he has untraditional hours which make it better that I am home. If you can do it, I really would. It is such a wonderful experience
I'm not a self starter. I was bored out of my skull being home. It's wonderful if you are temperamentally suited to it, and don't need external validation.
My "external validation" came from knowing what an awesome thing I was giving my children.
If the daycare is "destitute" then you're not looking at the good ones. Or maybe you're misusing the word. We can rest assured that the workforce isn't missing your spelling and grammar skills.
Seriously? My grammer skills? We did look at great centers. You are just disillusioned if you think your sweet little baby is happy stuck in a one room day care center with 8 other babies and two workers that barely speak english. Even if they are "great," they have so much work to do changing diapers and feeding babies their bottles that they don't have the time to love and cuddle on your kid. News flash - that is YOUR job. I stand firm that little babies should NOT be in day care. Preschoolers are a different story, IMHO. I think that they can learn a lot from day care and it can be an enriching experience. I still choose not to use them. That's ok, you can attack me. But at the end of the day, you know deep down in your heart that you are choosing work over your kids nearly everyday. No amount of calling me out will change that
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:57
Subject: Re:SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
It was the best fit for us because DH works long hours and although he is a great person, I cannot imagine him pitching in 50% due to work pressure and a general inability to do domestic things. He is very old-school and was raised by his grandparents. I had the choice between working and likely doing 90% of the domestic upkeep or SAH and doing about 95% (he does keep a great garden). Chose to SAH so I wouldn't have to follow him around like a shrew telling him how to load a dishwasher, fold a onesie, etc-- all stuff he really doesn't have time to learn how to do.
My job was in elementary ed. so makes even more sense for me to SAH. I'll go back when the youngest of our 3 goes off to K.
My job was in elementary ed. so makes even more sense for me to SAH. I'll go back when the youngest of our 3 goes off to K.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:53
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
i can't believe how many of you are judging a woman for being unmarried. who cares if she's unmarried? shame on you! there are a lot of values that matter to me, but whether someone is married or not certainly isn't one of them.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids.
That's funny. You're talking values but you're not married to the father of your child?
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:31
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:OP,
I'll tell you, if I felt that the child care options availble to me were sub-par, were factory-esque, or were otherwise unfriendly and unloving environments, then I would not put my kid there, and I'd do everything I could to SAH. Thankfully, that is not the case. We found great nannies and great preschools. We're pretty grateful.
One thing that is true--for me--is that I think our family was calmer when one of us was full-time-at-home. The at-home person could do all of the domestic stuff (cleaning, errands, finances, home repair and maintenance) and could spend time making connections with other families at kids' schools or in the neighborhood. This combination of domestic foucs and community outreach yielded lots of benefits for us as a family. I don't think it made much difference for our children's emotional or intellectual though, because when we were both full-time employees we happened to search for and luck out on really great nannies and preschools. Also, we were able to spent a reasonable amount of time together as a loving and committed family.
But again, that was our experience. It might not be yours. And, in the end, you make decisions based on options that are available to you, and your family's needs. When you have healthy kids and a variety of good choices to select from, do what makes you happy, right? For me, now that I've done both SAH and WOH, I'm glad that I got the opportunity to enjoy both. And I feel very lucky.
Ultimately, I opted for working. I did so for a number of reasons including wanting to keep professional options open for the future. However, I hope that if my work situation got out of control--in my case, if I found myself staring at a regular 50 hr work week--I would make a professioinal change either by looking for a new job or SAH. Luckily, I can afford that option. And believe me, I know that I am lucky.
Thank you for providing a balanced view that doesn't denigrate either side or make it sound like daycare is neglectful parenting.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:30
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids.
I hope you are trolling.
Having kids out of wedlock is immoral, so this leaves me to wonder if you were concerned about exposing your children to positive influences?
Lol, I'm not trolling. You and I do not share all of the same morals obviously. I expose my kids to LOTS of positive influences.
how about a ring on your finger then?
Nah, we're happy the way we are.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:17
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I felt very strongly that I didn't want anyone but my boyfriend and I being the ones instilling values and morals in our kids.
I hope you are trolling.
Having kids out of wedlock is immoral, so this leaves me to wonder if you were concerned about exposing your children to positive influences?
Lol, I'm not trolling. You and I do not share all of the same morals obviously. I expose my kids to LOTS of positive influences.
how about a ring on your finger then?
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:11
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
OP,
I'll tell you, if I felt that the child care options availble to me were sub-par, were factory-esque, or were otherwise unfriendly and unloving environments, then I would not put my kid there, and I'd do everything I could to SAH. Thankfully, that is not the case. We found great nannies and great preschools. We're pretty grateful.
One thing that is true--for me--is that I think our family was calmer when one of us was full-time-at-home. The at-home person could do all of the domestic stuff (cleaning, errands, finances, home repair and maintenance) and could spend time making connections with other families at kids' schools or in the neighborhood. This combination of domestic foucs and community outreach yielded lots of benefits for us as a family. I don't think it made much difference for our children's emotional or intellectual though, because when we were both full-time employees we happened to search for and luck out on really great nannies and preschools. Also, we were able to spent a reasonable amount of time together as a loving and committed family.
But again, that was our experience. It might not be yours. And, in the end, you make decisions based on options that are available to you, and your family's needs. When you have healthy kids and a variety of good choices to select from, do what makes you happy, right? For me, now that I've done both SAH and WOH, I'm glad that I got the opportunity to enjoy both. And I feel very lucky.
Ultimately, I opted for working. I did so for a number of reasons including wanting to keep professional options open for the future. However, I hope that if my work situation got out of control--in my case, if I found myself staring at a regular 50 hr work week--I would make a professioinal change either by looking for a new job or SAH. Luckily, I can afford that option. And believe me, I know that I am lucky.
I'll tell you, if I felt that the child care options availble to me were sub-par, were factory-esque, or were otherwise unfriendly and unloving environments, then I would not put my kid there, and I'd do everything I could to SAH. Thankfully, that is not the case. We found great nannies and great preschools. We're pretty grateful.
One thing that is true--for me--is that I think our family was calmer when one of us was full-time-at-home. The at-home person could do all of the domestic stuff (cleaning, errands, finances, home repair and maintenance) and could spend time making connections with other families at kids' schools or in the neighborhood. This combination of domestic foucs and community outreach yielded lots of benefits for us as a family. I don't think it made much difference for our children's emotional or intellectual though, because when we were both full-time employees we happened to search for and luck out on really great nannies and preschools. Also, we were able to spent a reasonable amount of time together as a loving and committed family.
But again, that was our experience. It might not be yours. And, in the end, you make decisions based on options that are available to you, and your family's needs. When you have healthy kids and a variety of good choices to select from, do what makes you happy, right? For me, now that I've done both SAH and WOH, I'm glad that I got the opportunity to enjoy both. And I feel very lucky.
Ultimately, I opted for working. I did so for a number of reasons including wanting to keep professional options open for the future. However, I hope that if my work situation got out of control--in my case, if I found myself staring at a regular 50 hr work week--I would make a professioinal change either by looking for a new job or SAH. Luckily, I can afford that option. And believe me, I know that I am lucky.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 17:11
Subject: Re:SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Why is it "all or nothing"? There are compromises. Can one of you go down to part-time and find a loving caregiver 20-some hours per week?
I find these decisions are often only looking at the immediate and made in a hormonal, passionate state without at all thinking about the future.
By working very limited part-time schedule when mine were infant/toddlers- I stayed in my job and in a position to only work when they are in school now that they are in elementary school. I also WAH-- an option that only came up after my first was one. I would have missed this opportunity had I just up and quit after the birth of my first. I am so glad I didn't. My kids thrived and the little bit apart was good for all of us.
I have friends that SAH and have not been able to break back into the work force. They are bored to tears now that kids are older, out of the house during the day and not as needy. THEN-- some of the SAHMs that were the loudest about could only take jobs once kids were I elementary with very little flexibility. Ironically, they now have to use extended care and babysitters.
Babies and toddlers do fine-- when kids get a bit older and aware it is harder to leave them in somebody else's care. Under 4 have no recollection if a sitter watched them---as older children they will remember whom picked them up after school, etc.
I find these decisions are often only looking at the immediate and made in a hormonal, passionate state without at all thinking about the future.
By working very limited part-time schedule when mine were infant/toddlers- I stayed in my job and in a position to only work when they are in school now that they are in elementary school. I also WAH-- an option that only came up after my first was one. I would have missed this opportunity had I just up and quit after the birth of my first. I am so glad I didn't. My kids thrived and the little bit apart was good for all of us.
I have friends that SAH and have not been able to break back into the work force. They are bored to tears now that kids are older, out of the house during the day and not as needy. THEN-- some of the SAHMs that were the loudest about could only take jobs once kids were I elementary with very little flexibility. Ironically, they now have to use extended care and babysitters.
Babies and toddlers do fine-- when kids get a bit older and aware it is harder to leave them in somebody else's care. Under 4 have no recollection if a sitter watched them---as older children they will remember whom picked them up after school, etc.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 16:58
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wanted to raise my own kids - not ship them off to "school" for 10 hours a day with someone who likely didn't really care that much about them. I think that it is the best thing you can do for young children. It broke both my DH and my hearts to look at daycare when our first was born. We looked at how destitute the daycare's were for babies (we looked at a ton of centers) and realized there was no way we were going to do that to our children. DH doesn't earn much, but he has untraditional hours which make it better that I am home. If you can do it, I really would. It is such a wonderful experience
I'm not a self starter. I was bored out of my skull being home. It's wonderful if you are temperamentally suited to it, and don't need external validation.
My "external validation" came from knowing what an awesome thing I was giving my children.
If the daycare is "destitute" then you're not looking at the good ones. Or maybe you're misusing the word. We can rest assured that the workforce isn't missing your spelling and grammar skills.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 16:44
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wanted to raise my own kids - not ship them off to "school" for 10 hours a day with someone who likely didn't really care that much about them. I think that it is the best thing you can do for young children. It broke both my DH and my hearts to look at daycare when our first was born. We looked at how destitute the daycare's were for babies (we looked at a ton of centers) and realized there was no way we were going to do that to our children. DH doesn't earn much, but he has untraditional hours which make it better that I am home. If you can do it, I really would. It is such a wonderful experience
I'm not a self starter. I was bored out of my skull being home. It's wonderful if you are temperamentally suited to it, and don't need external validation.
My "external validation" came from knowing what an awesome thing I was giving my children.
If the daycare is "destitute" then you're not looking at the good ones. Or maybe you're misusing the word. We can rest assured that the workforce isn't missing your spelling and grammar skills.
Anonymous
08/02/2012 15:51
Subject: SAHM and Dads: How did you know it was right for you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wanted to raise my own kids - not ship them off to "school" for 10 hours a day with someone who likely didn't really care that much about them. I think that it is the best thing you can do for young children. It broke both my DH and my hearts to look at daycare when our first was born. We looked at how destitute the daycare's were for babies (we looked at a ton of centers) and realized there was no way we were going to do that to our children. DH doesn't earn much, but he has untraditional hours which make it better that I am home. If you can do it, I really would. It is such a wonderful experience
I'm not a self starter. I was bored out of my skull being home. It's wonderful if you are temperamentally suited to it, and don't need external validation.
My "external validation" came from knowing what an awesome thing I was giving my children.