Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 23:14     Subject: termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
NP here. OP, you can trust that you will get good care through Planned Parenthood. They typically handle all of the referrals from Catholic hospitals that deny reproductive care to women, so they are more experienced than many hospitals. They are also pro-woman and compassionate people who are dedicated to the work they do: they will be kind to you and your family. They know what brings women and couples to them and they are caring professionals.

I also recommend that you check out the A Heartbreaking Choice website: http://aheartbreakingchoice.com/

They are vigilant about keeping their site and email list open only to people who have gone through what you're facing. We know four couples who've had to TMR in the past decade and all have received a lot of support and gained supportive friendships through this website.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 22:48     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
I posted before I finished!

Anyway, even though it didn't lessen my pain at the time, it somehow made me feel a little better knowing that I could hope for some joy and in the future. And it really is true--I would never have known my amazing kid had I not gone through my own trials. I hope you will find this to be true for you as well in the not-too-distant future.

My thoughts are with you, and I hope that you and your family weather this tragedy as well as can be hoped.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 22:44     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
OP, I wish you the best--I cannot imagine what you are going through. I had 2 miscarriages (I am AMA) before finally having a healthy child several years later. During the time of the miscarriages, I felt like the world was ending. A colleague, who unbeknownst to me had also has a devastating miscarriage shared something with me that gave me so much peace and hope. Following her miscarriage, she had had another beautiful, happy son, and she tole me that every time she looks at him, she thinks, "I would never have known this amazing kid who I love with all of my heart, if I had not gone through the miscarriage."
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 14:28     Subject: termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
To the OP: I had a brother born with T18. My heart goes out to you. This is the hardest situation I could imagine. I want to let you know that everyone I know who had a child with T18 (which is actually many people because we were part of a network of families) went on to have several healthy children (including me and my brothers!).

I wish you all the best.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 14:20     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Dear OP, my thoughts are with you. I am a FED who did TMR @23 weeks about 10 years ago. Since I was further along I had to do L&D, so I can't speak to your original question. I had laminaria inserted the night before (it was awful), not sure why you need 2 days. I actually did get insurance to pay for everything, but I had to appeal and get letters of support from my doctors. But I think I was mainly just lucky. Based on LIVID's experience, it sounds like it's much harder now.

As for direct feedback w/o the drama, you may have more luck going on a board specific to TMR issues. Used to be one on babycenter. Also another called a heartbreaking choice (this one is closed and was a godsend for me back then).

Hang in there over the coming days, weeks, and months. It's very, very hard, but you will get through it. FYI, at the time of my tx I had no kids and went on to have 3 lovely and healthy children. Take care.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 14:00     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:OP LIVID here. I don't know how long you've been reading this forum but I sort of became "famous" on this forum because I chose to terminate my anencephalic pregnancy and later had to deal with the procedure not being covered because I am a federal employee. You can do a search of LIVID on this forum if you are interested. I don't know if you are a fed insured through the FEHB, but if you are, please know that the procedure is not covered at all. If you are privately insured, more than likely, you are covered.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you only the best and hope that you can find some peace with your decision. I don't wish this situation on anyone.

I know PP in DC does terminations through 21 weeks I've met the doctor there and know that he has the experience as well as the compassion required. He went back for extra training specifically so that he could perform second trimester terminations. He felt this was the best way he could help women.

I'm sorry you have to put up with some of the posts on this forum. I know how painful it is.


OP here. I don't know how to thank you ladies for all the supportive and informative posts! I truly appreciate it.
LIVID, I actually saw your name when I was searching to gather some information on this issue in this forum. I am so sorry that you had to go through this and hope that you have recovered well. It is comforting to know that if decided to go to PP, I will be in good hands. If I was in my first trimester, I would not have been worried so much. The fact that I am 19 weeks along, makes me wonder how they are gonna open the cervix in a couple of hours while pretty much every where else I have contacted say that the procedure at this stage is at least two days. In any case, I think I am more comfortable with one day procedure as I can not emotionally handle sitting in a hotel room waiting for the luminaries to expand. And as you mentioned I am a fed employee and the insurance does not cover it. I already figured this much out.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 13:34     Subject: termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
OP, wish you all the best.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 13:33     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:OP LIVID here. I don't know how long you've been reading this forum but I sort of became "famous" on this forum because I chose to terminate my anencephalic pregnancy and later had to deal with the procedure not being covered because I am a federal employee. You can do a search of LIVID on this forum if you are interested. I don't know if you are a fed insured through the FEHB, but if you are, please know that the procedure is not covered at all. If you are privately insured, more than likely, you are covered.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you only the best and hope that you can find some peace with your decision. I don't wish this situation on anyone.

I know PP in DC does terminations through 21 weeks I've met the doctor there and know that he has the experience as well as the compassion required. He went back for extra training specifically so that he could perform second trimester terminations. He felt this was the best way he could help women.

I'm sorry you have to put up with some of the posts on this forum. I know how painful it is.


LIVID, I've thought of you and how you've been doing. I hope your physical recovery was quick.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 13:29     Subject: termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

I assume OP educated herself. I see no reason to hammer her over the head with hurtful details that she DID NOT ASK FOR.


How is describing a procedure to discard fetal tissue hurtful? I could see if it was describing ending the life of a baby, a child, with a heartbeat-movements-thoughts; now that would really give me pause. But since it's not, I don't get why "hurtful" keeps getting thrown around. And even still, if you are going to have the procedure, you should know what it entails.





Because even if you don't believe that your fetus is a baby, even if you believe that the abortion is the right choice for you and have decided to go through with it, that doesn't mean that the loss of a wanted pregnancy doesn't hurt. And with that, I'm moving my responses on this topic to the s/o thread, so that OP has a better chance of getting the info she asked for.


Or maybe you do believe it's a baby, but you believe that it's the right choice to terminate rather then bring it forward to a life of pain.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 13:27     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
OP LIVID here. I don't know how long you've been reading this forum but I sort of became "famous" on this forum because I chose to terminate my anencephalic pregnancy and later had to deal with the procedure not being covered because I am a federal employee. You can do a search of LIVID on this forum if you are interested. I don't know if you are a fed insured through the FEHB, but if you are, please know that the procedure is not covered at all. If you are privately insured, more than likely, you are covered.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you only the best and hope that you can find some peace with your decision. I don't wish this situation on anyone.

I know PP in DC does terminations through 21 weeks I've met the doctor there and know that he has the experience as well as the compassion required. He went back for extra training specifically so that he could perform second trimester terminations. He felt this was the best way he could help women.

I'm sorry you have to put up with some of the posts on this forum. I know how painful it is.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 13:22     Subject: termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:OP here! I am going to ignore the PP's post, but have a question for the rest of you ladies. As a patient of Georgetown hospital I know that they do not perform termination of rant reason. My OB has referred me to Surgi clinic and planned parenthood for terminations this late during the pregnancy (She mentioned that Washington hospital Center also provide the service but not at this stage). As I mentioned before, I decided to make an appointment in NYC because I was more comfortable to be around family and also in a hospital setting for the procedure. I was wondering if anyone here has had the procedure done in a clinic setting though? are they safe? how far along were you when you had the procedure? Any thoughts is appreciated. Thank you.


Not sure if you are still reading this thread - but I had my TMR in a surgicenter. It was clean and nice - but it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Nothing but the best thoughts for you.
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 12:41     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
OP: If you are concerned about any risks on future fertility PLEASE talk to your physician and do not listen to internet crazies. Anti-choice groups like to throw our these statements w/out any actual statistics to back it up (at least any statistics that actually come from a reputable source NOT a anti-choice website)
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 12:41     Subject: termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your responses! I really appreciate it.
10:54, I have started having second thoughts about traveling to NYC especially since my parents live in the suburbs, and it looks like the hospitals insists that I stay within Manhattan after the laminaria are placed. So I would have to stay in a hotel which is not at all pleasant given the circumstances. I prefer the comfort of my home. I don't know why my OB didn't mention anything about GW. They referred me to Planned parenthood and Washington Surgi Clinic. Both of which are obviously clinic setting. I have my concerns about having the procedure done in a clinic setting especially since plane parenthood mentioned that they do the procedure in one day(no laminar, etc!!) and the other clinic doesn't even discuss how the procedure will be done. I wish I could read the post about the risks! Too bad it was deleted apparently.
I also have fed. insurance which doesn't cover the procedure. The hospital cost in NYC adds up to 20K! So, rather than being at work today, I am sitting home debating whether to cancel my appointment for tomorrow with the hospital and just go with one of the local clinics. It is a really tough situation. I am so scared of the hormone crash afterwards that I have already made an appointment with a psychologist. I also called my ob to prescribe me with anti anxiety meds.


OP, I read that post. It wasn't about the risks. It was pretty graphic, inappropriate and irrelevant information about the procedure from an anti-choicer. I don't think you missed anything.


Was anything in the post UNTRUE? And how can the procedure itself be irrelevant? Do you think the OP will never hear what happened, for the rest of her life?


It was not untrue. It described what happend. It said that the baby's bones are hardened enough so that the dr. cannot simply scrape the baby out. Rather, it has to dismember and scratch at it to make sure it gets everything, and then lay them out like a puzzle piece on the table to make sure he/she gets everything.

If you are going to have any medical procedure done, don't you research it and want to know what is going to happen? In no other medical procedure, so we say, "I don't want to know about it." We are all heavily educated women who demand answers and wnat to know what is going on with every medical decision we make. It you are going to undergo a medical procedure, you should know what is going on so you can assess your choices.


Really? Are you on other threads describing heart bypasses, liposuction or other invasive procedures in gory, unsolicited, hurtful detail in the name of "education?"



OP here. Thank you 12:18. This was exactly what I was thinking. Just in case if there is anyone out there who think women who choose to terminate for fetal anomaly( or any there reason justified for them) don't research how the procedure is done, I can assure you they do! There are information about this everywhere. Personally, I have agonized over this decision, I have blamed myself for not choosing CVS over amnio, I have watched videos on youtube about how the procedure is performed and cried my eyes out in the middle of night. sometimes I feel like I am unconsiously punishing myself for having made this decision. Thankfully, I didn't get to read the post before it was deleted, but from what was described I agree with all others who this kind of information is unnecessary .
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 12:39     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I am also going to beg you to reconsider. You can love and hold your baby longer, keeping him or her safe under your heart, and then safe in your arms. You can name your baby, dress your baby, kiss and hug your baby. You do not NEED to terminate. Do you know what will happen to your baby during the procedure? There are other options!

There is a perinatal hospice program in northern Virginia:

http://www.tepeyacfamilycenter.com/hospice.htm

T18 babies can be loved. Watch these videos about T18 babies:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Remembering-Eliot-The-99-Balloons-Video

http://www.youtube.com/embed/X7LyoAEIskw?rel=0&hd=1

Please, OP, let your baby live a full life, however long that may be!


Watching your baby die in your arms is no badge of honor. It is torturing a child at best by having them have organ failure soon after birth and at worst having them have organ failure after you have treated them like a pin cushion or operating room practice for a few years.


AGain, then you are demonstrating you have no idea of what the alternative procedure is. YOu want to talk about torture? Do you know what the alternative procedure entails? Dying peacefully in Mama's arms as opposed to. . . .(please go back and read about the alternative).
Anonymous
Post 07/17/2012 12:35     Subject: Re:termination at 19 weeks for medical reason
Anonymous wrote:OP, I am also going to beg you to reconsider. You can love and hold your baby longer, keeping him or her safe under your heart, and then safe in your arms. You can name your baby, dress your baby, kiss and hug your baby. You do not NEED to terminate. Do you know what will happen to your baby during the procedure? There are other options!

There is a perinatal hospice program in northern Virginia:

http://www.tepeyacfamilycenter.com/hospice.htm

T18 babies can be loved. Watch these videos about T18 babies:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Remembering-Eliot-The-99-Balloons-Video

http://www.youtube.com/embed/X7LyoAEIskw?rel=0&hd=1

Please, OP, let your baby live a full life, however long that may be!


Watching your baby die in your arms is no badge of honor. It is torturing a child at best by having them have organ failure soon after birth and at worst having them have organ failure after you have treated them like a pin cushion or operating room practice for a few years.