PP here. You haven't said that your husband has been complaining. I'm assuming he isn't grumbling about this so your choice is to a)make him take dd in the car with him so dd gets to greet grandma and grandpa and buy 2.5 hours or whatever crazy amount of time on your own....schedule your doctor appt for then and turn lemons into lemonade or b) next time he says he doesn't have time to watch dd for an hour say well you will need to find and pay a babysitter because I need to make this appt or give me a time frame when you are available.

It wasn't clear to me if you are SAHM and that's why DH assumes you are 24-7 on child duty. In the beginning, DH and had to work on division of child duties because it was assumed I would always take off for the sick child and DH always had meetings. Once I threatened to quit my well paying job so I could be fully flexible and take off all sick days and not interfere with his meeting schedule and instead have a part-time job so I could afford a few mommy morning outs ...he changed his tune very quickly. If you are SAHM, you may need to work a few hours a week just so DH is forced to have childcare responsibilities or basically lay it out as these are the issues, let's come up with a solution, or these are the choices -either feeding dinner or bedtime routine. Don't forget a lot of the husbands of our generation grew up with a dad that didn't change a diaper and that may not have done much with the kid until they were older and ready to join little league. You may have to be more insistent.

These parents are ridiculous. This is about control over their son (OP's husband). It's about the jump/how high dynamic. The OP is right, her husband is being asked to do something unreasonable...but clearly saying "no" isn't a viable option in the family b/c it will be seen as rejection. That isn't some sort of great parent/child dynamic, it is emotional manipulation. If these in-laws were able to manage on their overseas trip, surely they can manage a cab ride to go pick up their car. (Frankly, if that's such a big deal to them, THEY should pay for a car service or pay to park at the airport.)
OP, you are right.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Yup, DH is more than happy to make the 80 mile round trip to take his parents 12 miles to their car. DD is 1 and doesn't do well in the car so Im not inclined for her to go and sit in the car during rush hour.

DH is supposed to be working from home but can conveniently take time off for anything he wants to do but if I ask him to watch dd so I can cook dinner or go to the doctor, I get a lot of excuses and lectures about how he's working.

I'm just sick of his blind devotion to anything regarding his birth family and no consideration to his own family. Forget me, what about dd?

So frustrated.

It isn't difficult to understand why he doesn't want to spend any more time with you than is absolutely necessary.

How lucky you are to have a husband who is modeling how parents should be cared for. With any luck your children will learn this lesson well.