Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Wow there is a whole lot of hitting going on in your house. Your kids aren't learning anything. You hit, they hit, you all hit. You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them. It's not bleeding heart crap. It's basic logic and common sense. And guess what - I also am raising respectful children who don't hit their parents. And I somehow am managing to do it without being physically violent with them. Fascinating, isn't it?

NP here. I have no problem with how you parent you kid/ brat/ whatever. But just because someone spanks their child does not make them "physically violent" you asshole.

NP here. Yes, it does. It's fine if that's what you want to do and that's your parenting style, but don't delude yourself that spanking isn't violent. Of course it is, and for some people this works for them. I'm actually not judging it one way or the other. I personally was spanked, and it was violent, I can attest to that.. Am I scarred by it? No. Do I spank my kids? No, I don't. So that's where I'm coming from - I can literally see both sides. But I know violent acts when I see it, and this idiot PP a few posts above saying she calmly spanks her kid is delusional, and so are you if you don't think spanking someone is violent.

I was spanked too and it WAS NOT violent. FWIW I have no idea if I will ever spank my kids but for you to say it is always 100% violent is not true. Sure some crazies take it to the extreme but NO a quick smack for shock value is not violent. Whipping a child with a paddle yes that is. There IS a difference. I am not arguing with you since it sounds like thats what you want but you are wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Wow there is a whole lot of hitting going on in your house. Your kids aren't learning anything. You hit, they hit, you all hit. You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them. It's not bleeding heart crap. It's basic logic and common sense. And guess what - I also am raising respectful children who don't hit their parents. And I somehow am managing to do it without being physically violent with them. Fascinating, isn't it?

NP here. I have no problem with how you parent you kid/ brat/ whatever. But just because someone spanks their child does not make them "physically violent" you asshole.

NP here. Yes, it does. It's fine if that's what you want to do and that's your parenting style, but don't delude yourself that spanking isn't violent. Of course it is, and for some people this works for them. I'm actually not judging it one way or the other. I personally was spanked, and it was violent, I can attest to that.. Am I scarred by it? No. Do I spank my kids? No, I don't. So that's where I'm coming from - I can literally see both sides. But I know violent acts when I see it, and this idiot PP a few posts above saying she calmly spanks her kid is delusional, and so are you if you don't think spanking someone is violent.

Anonymous wrote:You don't need to make it up to your son. Seriously. He's little, it sounds like this was an isolated thing, he's not scarred for life or anything. Don't torture yourself. We are have shitty mom moments. Doesn't mean we don't try to do better, but it doesn't mean we have to hate ourselves for screwing up sometimes.

Hitting has never been a huge thing with us, but when it happens on occasion, I gasp and look stern and horrified and say something like, "OW. THAT HURT ME. WE DON'T HIT." Then I do some kind of isolation -- like when I had a 3/4yo, we did an "automatic 3" (time out in bedroom -- I was big on "1-2-3 Magic"!) With the 1/2yo, I tended to move away from them, end whatever activity we were doing, and ignore them for a while, which was actually quite effective.

You don't want to hit back, because that teaches that, hey, we DO hit when we get mad enough. You don't want to take it lightly because they might think it's a funny game. Good luck. And if you're in the DC area, maybe try a PEP class -- I have friends who swear by them.

AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! You're a thoughtful mother who is doing her best. We all get frustrated and snap sometimes.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Wow there is a whole lot of hitting going on in your house. Your kids aren't learning anything. You hit, they hit, you all hit. You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them. It's not bleeding heart crap. It's basic logic and common sense. And guess what - I also am raising respectful children who don't hit their parents. And I somehow am managing to do it without being physically violent with them. Fascinating, isn't it?

NP here. I have no problem with how you parent you kid/ brat/ whatever. But just because someone spanks their child does not make them "physically violent" you asshole.

Anonymous wrote:The bible says "spare the rod, spoil your child". Isn't that enough?

Seriously? Um, no. I don't take parenting advice from an ancient book of fables, but thanks.

The bible says "spare the rod, spoil your child". Isn't that enough?

Anonymous wrote:My kids don't hit me. They all tried it..once...and I reacted pretty much how you did. I didn't slap them in the face, but I calmly spanked them. Guess what? Right, they don't hit me. You can listen to all the "don't punish violence with violence bleeding heart waa waa crap", or you can do what I did, and raise respectful children who don't hit their parents. I didn't spank my kids except a few times when it was necessary for their safety, or when they crossed a major line, like hitting. They also got spanked when they hit each other. When done in a calm and methodical way, spanking is a useful tool.

Wow there is a whole lot of hitting going on in your house. Your kids aren't learning anything. You hit, they hit, you all hit. You cannot teach a child not to hit by hitting them. It's not bleeding heart crap. It's basic logic and common sense. And guess what - I also am raising respectful children who don't hit their parents. And I somehow am managing to do it without being physically violent with them. Fascinating, isn't it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

Agree. I grew up in a home where there was real violence, against my mother and my siblings and me, and your comments turn my stomach. It sends a mixed message that it's okay to hit if you're the one in power, and that it's acceptable for someone to hit you if they say they love you afterwards. Yuck.

clearly your violent upbringing is clouding your thinking and perspective, and I understand that. We are not violent at all, and there is no rage or psychoness. But if my kid runs into the street, then I 100% do spank them calmly and tell them I am doing that only because I love them and don't want them to get hurt. My father did the same to me, and he doesn't have a violent bone in his body and never even raised his voice to me in 40 years. I knew he loved me and hated spanking me.

Except he hit you, and now, you hit your kids. Brilliant.

And really, you still don't get that it sends a mixed message? At the very least, you don't get that you're telling your kid that hitting is an acceptable response?

Seriously. We all knew your parents hit you before you mentioned it, PP. Your methodical, calculating, "calm violence" already told us you were hit as a child in a methodical, calculating, "calm" way. But thanks for letting us know we were right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

LOL, you think parents who spank do it because they hate their kids??? you think they enjoy it? you are the crazy one.

where do you see that? where are those statements that you're responding to? i think it says way more about you that you read that into the above comments...

I know, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

LOL, you think parents who spank do it because they hate their kids??? you think they enjoy it? you are the crazy one.

Different PP here. No, but I think you're throwing the equivalent of a temper tantrum by having to resort to hitting. It's a lazy response by an adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

Agree. I grew up in a home where there was real violence, against my mother and my siblings and me, and your comments turn my stomach. It sends a mixed message that it's okay to hit if you're the one in power, and that it's acceptable for someone to hit you if they say they love you afterwards. Yuck.

clearly your violent upbringing is clouding your thinking and perspective, and I understand that. We are not violent at all, and there is no rage or psychoness. But if my kid runs into the street, then I 100% do spank them calmly and tell them I am doing that only because I love them and don't want them to get hurt. My father did the same to me, and he doesn't have a violent bone in his body and never even raised his voice to me in 40 years. I knew he loved me and hated spanking me.

Except he hit you, and now, you hit your kids. Brilliant.

And really, you still don't get that it sends a mixed message? At the very least, you don't get that you're telling your kid that hitting is an acceptable response?

Anonymous wrote:How do you stop feeling like shit? I don't know, OP, I would keep that feeling for a while. Hitting your kids is totally unacceptable, as you well know. I know we all have our moments where we want to slap the living shit out of your kid, but DO NOT act on it again. All this to say -- I don't think you're a crappy mom, you are a mom who had A MOMENT, but I think holding on to the shitty feeling will go a long way in ensuring it doesn't happen again.

My mom spanked, slapped and hit when she was really out of control. My memories of childhood have faded as I've become an adult, but believe me, I remember every single incident past a certain age (4?) They still sting.

How do you make it up to him? Resolve never to do it again and keep your promise.

hang in there.

I agree. It's not a bad thing to hold onto to this memory, especially since you know your kids will test you repeatedly over the years, and you may need to recall this horrible feeling to keep from repeating it. Sometimes, I feel like locking mine out of the house and saying, "You're on your own, kids."

I have two with very different personalities. My older boy is not nearly as headstrong as my daughter, and he buckled much more easily to discipline. At 2.5 my daughter is as strong-willed as they come, and it's not easy finding discipline methods that work on her. She's also a hitter and kicker, which is normal for the age as you mentioned. She knows it's wrong and will always apologize on her own accord after she calms down, so I know she has a conscience. When she's overwhelmed emotionally, she just loses it and lashes out. It's exhausting, but we have learned that it's best to put her in a safe place and let her rage, because traditional time outs don't work. We sit nearby, because walking away makes it worse. After she screams for awhile and starts to calm down, she'll often ask for a hug or we'll ask her if she wants one. We'll hold her until she's in control again (us too). Later, we'll talk about the behavior and what led up to it. We know she'll mature and, eventually, will have more self-control. Hopefully, we're instilling her with the tools to do so.

I think the important thing for posters to remember is that not all kids are alike. They respond differently and have different personalities, so what works for one, may not work for another. Also, ages 2-4 are hard and just a few months of maturity can make a huge difference. I think some posters tend to compare their 3.5 year olds to your almost three year old and assume the same styles of discipline will work. They don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

LOL, you think parents who spank do it because they hate their kids??? you think they enjoy it? you are the crazy one.

where do you see that? where are those statements that you're responding to? i think it says way more about you that you read that into the above comments...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:not clear on why people don't understand that spanking does not take place in a rage or as violence. I would never ever hit my kids when I was angry (or slap a kid like the OP). But sure, if they are bad, I spank them on their bottom about as calmly (or more calmly really) then I am right now reading the newspaper. Why do you think it is like a barfight or like spousal abuse? Bizarre. I tell them I love them 100% unconditionally, and that I only do this because I love them and don't want them to get hurt.

That is bone chillingly awful behavior on your part. You have many bad bad bad bad mommy moments if this is how you parent. I have never said this to anyone on this board, but honestly, you suck as a parent.

LOL, you think parents who spank do it because they hate their kids??? you think they enjoy it? you are the crazy one.

OMG, throw a cup of water on your kid? That makes me giggle.