Anonymous
04/12/2012 09:54
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Race is a consideration, but not a deal breaker. The only dealbreaker I had with men was that he absolutely positively could not be of average intelligence or lower. I wouldn't go on a second date with a man who wasn't brilliant.
Anonymous
04/12/2012 09:38
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No and I would not have married someone who was not the same race as I. Also, neither of us would have married someone who didn't have the same socio-economic background.
I think the socio-economic status one might be a more interesting discussion. why do you say this?
I'm curious because I never really thought much about it, but it seems that most of the men I dated (and the man I married) have been of similar backgrounds. Not that I didn't mix and mingle with people of higher and lower status than my own family, I just tended to find myself dating people of similar status. Even shared the same types of jobs - teachers/educators, many of them. It certainly wasn't a conscious choice.
You've never even thought about this?? I have had friends much wealthier who couldn't fathom not being able to afford something. They spent their college summers studying art in Florence; I spent each and every summer working full time. I'm much more ambitious and competitive because I was never guaranteed anything financially. And on the other end, my truly poor friends think my lifestyle is frivolous. I don't want to spend my time justifying my lifestyle.
Anonymous
04/12/2012 09:34
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:No and I would not have married someone who was not the same race as I. Also, neither of us would have married someone who didn't have the same socio-economic background.
Ditto. I would find marrying someone either much wealthier or much poorer more difficult even than the race thing.
Anonymous
04/12/2012 08:53
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:this is possibly the strangest question I've ever read here. How can someone even ponder such a thing?
I agree. It's so stupid.
There is NO way you'd be the same person. If I were AA, my outlook, I'm sure, would be quite different. And being raised in a different culture (Korean, for example) shapes who you are.
dumb
Anonymous
04/12/2012 00:12
Subject: Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, the OP's question assumes that race would not impact one's outlook, personality, demeanor, etc. IMO, there is no way I would be the person I am today (I am Asian American, btw) if I were born white or black. In other words, my race has undoubtedly shaped the person I am today. Would DH have married me if I were white or black or some other color? I don't know because that person would not exist.
OP's question is moot.
Very good point, PP. I am black. Would I still be "me" if I were white?
This. You would be someone else entirely.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 23:30
Subject: Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, the OP's question assumes that race would not impact one's outlook, personality, demeanor, etc. IMO, there is no way I would be the person I am today (I am Asian American, btw) if I were born white or black. In other words, my race has undoubtedly shaped the person I am today. Would DH have married me if I were white or black or some other color? I don't know because that person would not exist.
OP's question is moot.
Very good point, PP. I am black. Would I still be "me" if I were white?
DH has a different race and didn't exclusively date one race so I would say yes. At the same time I think I wouldn't be the same me if I were a different race.
One thing though is I can't be best friends with someone that would never consider dating someone of my same racial background. It just seems false to me to say we are really cool and all but I would never want my son to date your daughter, I don't think you, your children, your extended family are particularly cute because I only like x features not found in your gene pool ... and those are just the things the person will admit to in a more PC way than I stated it.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 17:19
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
diplomatic
When you're young and in the throes of the insanity of love, you tend to believe that there really is "happily everaftering." Once married, you soon realize that there is a lot more to a marriage than love and in my experience, I think it was easier because we did have the same background. If one of us had been lower socio-economic and the other of a much higher socio-economic background, it would have created some big problems. My father was an Air Force general and his father was a Foreign Service officer, as was my DH. Being the daughter of a general gave me the knowledge of what was expected in my role as the wife of someone representing the US. For some people, this might not have made a bit of difference, but to both of us, it was important. Like it or not, most women have more duties re entertaining, children, taking care of a house and learning from my mother was an education that one had to learn by watching and doing these things.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No and I would not have married someone who was not the same race as I. Also, neither of us would have married someone who didn't have the same socio-economic background.
I think the socio-economic status one might be a more interesting discussion. why do you say this?
I'm curious because I never really thought much about it, but it seems that most of the men I dated (and the man I married) have been of similar backgrounds. Not that I didn't mix and mingle with people of higher and lower status than my own family, I just tended to find myself dating people of similar status. Even shared the same types of jobs - teachers/educators, many of them. It certainly wasn't a conscious choice.
When you're young and in the throes of the insanity of love, you tend to believe that there really is "happily everaftering." Once married, you soon realize that there is a lot more to a marriage than love and in my experience, I think it was easier because we did have the same background. If one of us had been lower socio-economic and the other of a much higher socio-economic background, it would have created some big problems. My father was an Air Force general and his father was a Foreign Service officer, as was my DH. Being the daughter of a general gave me the knowledge of what was expected in my role as the wife of someone representing the US. For some people, this might not have made a bit of difference, but to both of us, it was important. Like it or not, most women have more duties re entertaining, children, taking care of a house and learning from my mother was an education that one had to learn by watching and doing these things.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 16:59
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
I don't think my DH would have consciously ruled out women based on race, nor would I. But like a lot of people, we both ended up dating and marrying within our race. I'm trying to remember if there are any exceptions to that, but I can't think of any.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 16:25
Subject: Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How can you have the same basic looks and be a different race? We are an interracial couple and my answer is no - I'm attracted to my dh which is largely due to his race color/features etc
Are you serious?
DH is South Asian, I'm South American and when we went to each others' home country people were amazed to see how similar looking we were to our local folks. We blended in perfectly. I can totally see DH being my race and me being his race.
with is South american? It's a continent, not a race. Is your DH much darker skinned than you? That would explain a lot...Sounds like he married down for color.[/quote]
How is marrying someone from South America "marrying down"? And why do you assume that a South Asian man would marry someone for "color"? (Not the PP, but your racism annoys me.)
Anonymous
04/11/2012 16:21
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:No and I would not have married someone who was not the same race as I. Also, neither of us would have married someone who didn't have the same socio-economic background.
I think the socio-economic status one might be a more interesting discussion. why do you say this?
I'm curious because I never really thought much about it, but it seems that most of the men I dated (and the man I married) have been of similar backgrounds. Not that I didn't mix and mingle with people of higher and lower status than my own family, I just tended to find myself dating people of similar status. Even shared the same types of jobs - teachers/educators, many of them. It certainly wasn't a conscious choice.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 16:14
Subject: Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
My spouse probably wouldn't have married me if I was a different race and vice-versa.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 16:11
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:I get your question OP--like the black guy who marries a white woman with much lower qualifications than himself. No way would say Jim Vance be married to a black female equivalent of his wife, for instance. This is a very real phenomenon. In interracial marriages, the partner of color tends to be of a much higher status than the white spouse--
Nah. The husband is probably higher status than the wife like it usually is. I married a white, wealthy/trust funded, Ivy educated guy and while I'm similarly educated, I'm Asian and from a middle class background. DH dated all races before me so yes, he would have married me if I were white, black or purple and I wouldn't have married someone who had hang ups about race in the first place.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 16:10
Subject: Re:Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
No and I would not have married someone who was not the same race as I. Also, neither of us would have married someone who didn't have the same socio-economic background.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 14:57
Subject: Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:DH is Caucasian and when we met for the first time he "assumed" I was Asian. He asked me about my nationality on our 4 date. By then it was too late too change his mind LOL. We have been married for 10 years.
So, the answer to your question is YES
what about other races?
Once I told him by nationality, he realized what my "race" was; and it isn't Asian.
The answer is still YES.
Anonymous
04/11/2012 14:45
Subject: Would your spouse have married you if you were any other race?
Yes. My husband and I are different races, so if I was his race he probably would have still married me.