Hey, OP sorry about your mom's Visa situation. Luckily my parents live in the same city and helped out often as well as inlaws. It was great to have a support system and not do it all alone.

I'm not going to be a martyr like some of these posters. If you can have help, then wouldn't you? Honestly, sounds like jealousy because either the posters don't have a network of help, aren't financially able to get help, or just want to do it all and act put off when others don't feel the same.

OP should have thought about this before she had another baby. She's clearly too self absorbed and dramatic to care for more than one child. Give me a break, you're a SAHM with a mothers helper, cleaner, peapod, etc... suck it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here- Women seem to have no problem expecting a nanny to do this. We manage just fine... You sound like a drama queen. I work 60 hrs a week with infant twins and also sleep over twice a night, plus do the brochure and housekeeping. Get a grip, lady.

Oh shut up!

OP here. I'm a former nanny and you're a bitch. I've cared for multiples along with older siblings but I never had to cook, clean, feed them and be on the clock 24/7. My charges never had sibling jealousy and I was not recovering from a C-section while carrying for them. I didn't have to do groceries, pay bills, take them to constant doctors appointments and the best part of all is that I could go HOME after I was done with them.

You're a horrible excuse of a human being and I hope your bosses don't find out. Poor children!

Nice potty mouth, OP.

You've already said that you're going to have HELP. Why are you still complaining?

My BF has a newborn and a three year old. She had to have a C-section, and her husband was off work for only four days. Seriously, try coping, instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will be fine.

When I had my second child, my oldest was 21 months. Husband was in the military and had to deploy when second child was 2 weeks. So you are already better off than I was by one week. He was was gone 6 months. How many months will your husband be gone before he will get to come home again? If less than six months, you have it easy!

I had no "mothers helper". I had no cleaning lady. I did it all my self. And we were not in an area where there was "peapod" or other grocery delivery. Honestly, your situation sounds like a piece of cake.

Too bad I'm not you, right? You sound so awesome, do you want a badge?

She is awesome. You, on the other hand, sound like a horrible person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Millions of women take care of two or more children every single day of the year and have no help. Why can't you do the same. The secret is to get organized and not to sweat the small stuff. Make sure they are fed, dry, clean, and loved. Everything else can wait.

and to 23:17...

[b]While I do appreciate your tentative to help, this is not what I was looking for[/b]. It's been 4 years since I saw my mom last, she's never met my first child. I dealt with severe PPD the first time around all by myself and I don't want to have to go through the whole ordeal once again with another child in the mix. I was seeking practical advice on how to get used to the new family and tips on dealing with adding a member to the family and not having people trying to minimize the sadness and despair I'm feeling right now. I know tomorrow morning I won't be feeling this way anymore, this is all brand new news for my family and we're still processing it. Is it really that hard to respect other's pain?

Thanks to all who came with practical advice, I truly appreciate it.

You never said anything about PPD in your orginal post. And what are you asking anyway? You miss your mom and wished she was around. Is that your point? Or are you asking how to organize yourself with 2 kids? It's 2 different things and you seem to dismiss PPs who aren't sympathetic.

The golden rule of DCUM is don't come looking for compassion.

I know, I know, I should not engage... but here I go...

"What can you tell me to help me feel better about doing this all alone? I'm so upset right now..." was my last phrase. Telling me that millions of people do this every day and trying to diminish how I feel is NOT helpful. I came asking for PRACTICAL advice and I thought my OP was clear on that... I even listed what we already have done to make sure we're ready. Is it really that hard to be empathetic of someone in pain?

Not PP you're quoting here. Maybe that is the practical advice. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and freaking out over what can't be changed. Maybe if you focus on the positive, instead of your disappointments, you'll feel better and less overwhelmed. You have it pretty damn good, so keep reminding yourself. Yes, it sucks that you haven't seen your mother in four years, but that's the risk you take when you live internationally! Hopefully, she'll keep trying and will get an approved visa soon. Also, you're already at an advantage if you know you're at risk for PPD. You'll be able to recognize the symptoms immediately and get help, right? Cry, get it out of your system, and then move on. You have work to do, so get to it.

B**ches, please! We women are always severest upon one another. OP was trying to get some HELPFUL and POSITIVE suggestions on how to cope with her particular situation which sounds like a challenge to even the most martyred of us. She was hoping Mom's visa would come through and it did not. She is looking for some planning assistance not vitriol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH only took one week off for DC#2. DC#1 was in daycare so it was really not an issue. Can you try to find a part-time nanny share for the older child or hire a mother's helper? You should post at the career center at your local college. I have a friend who did this with great success.

OP here.

We do have a mother's helper. She'll come during the witching hour (after school for her, 4-7pm for us) to take DC1 to the park, feed DC dinner and eventually give DC a bath.

Right now she comes once a week - that's when I deep clean the house. It works well, I talked to her and she's willing to come 4 days a week when DC2 comes along.

I'll give the pre-school some thought. I didn't want to start now or around the due date because it will be a lot of transition for DC1 to go through. We're also potty training so there's some changes happening already. This is all so overwhelming... I was so sure my mom would get her visa this time around

Let me get this straight. You have a mother's helper coming four days a week, and you're husband will be home the first few weeks? OP, most people make do with far less help. Suck it up!

Yes, men definitely qualify for FMLA!! It's 16 weeks if you work in DC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP are you Asian by any chance?

What about your DH's family? Why can't your husband take off from work? He has a right to 12 weeks for FMLA.

For the most part, none of my friends in DC had family help for an extended period of time. We did have help immediately after birth (1-2 weeks). After that, most of us managed with the help of our friends and husbands. Frankly, my family wasn't all that helpful (and same with most people)! Most family just tends to get in the way and creates more people that you have to take care of.

this is not true. I do not beleive that a wife having a baby qualifies a man to take 12 weeks off. also if he works for a small company then FMLA is not aplicable. Still most companies give some time and allow you to use sick or vaction time.

Know your rights. A birth in the family qualifies both parents for 12 weeks off (not always paid). Most men don't take advantage of the policy, but should in the case that the wife needs help at home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is bumming me out. There sure are a lot of dick women out here. Sorry so many of you raised your kids with no help, but fuck, maybe you didn't have any help because you're assholes and nobody wanted to help you.

THIS!

Yes! Never seen so many Mommy Martyrs in one place.

OP, despite what all these crazies say, it is really not normal to care for kids all by yourself. My husband travels all week and I care for my toddler by myself. It's stressful. And you know what, it's only within the past generation that we started relying so heavily on the nuclear family. It is normal for you to have extended family, siblings helping to care for each others' kids, neighbors, etc. Taking care of your kids by yourself is insanely stressful.

Yeah, clearly it can be done - but look at all these posters who have done it, and note how flipping mean most of them are. Maybe they were always mean and therefore couldn't get help, but maybe the stress of parenting alone made them really mean? Who knows. It's stressful. I know what it's like to have your family be so far away, and be disappointed that they can't be with you.

Anonymous wrote:OP are you Asian by any chance?

What about your DH's family? Why can't your husband take off from work? He has a right to 12 weeks for FMLA.

For the most part, none of my friends in DC had family help for an extended period of time. We did have help immediately after birth (1-2 weeks). After that, most of us managed with the help of our friends and husbands. Frankly, my family wasn't all that helpful (and same with most people)! Most family just tends to get in the way and creates more people that you have to take care of.

this is not true. I do not beleive that a wife having a baby qualifies a man to take 12 weeks off. also if he works for a small company then FMLA is not aplicable. Still most companies give some time and allow you to use sick or vaction time.

OP are you Asian by any chance?

What about your DH's family? Why can't your husband take off from work? He has a right to 12 weeks for FMLA.

For the most part, none of my friends in DC had family help for an extended period of time. We did have help immediately after birth (1-2 weeks). After that, most of us managed with the help of our friends and husbands. Frankly, my family wasn't all that helpful (and same with most people)! Most family just tends to get in the way and creates more people that you have to take care of.

Some of you are so rude. Just because you didn't or don't need any help does not mean everyone else has to do the same. It is absolutely ok to have help, and it does not at all mean you are a lazy parent or any other of these silly generalizations.

OP, the preschool sounds good. Maybe a MH who would be able to work hours that work for you as well.

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