Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you're in your mid-30s and have been married 7 years, you didn't get married all that early! I was married in my early 20s, and we did talk about our plans to have kids even then. We had Kid 1 before we turned 30, and Kid 2 just after. I'd guess that the reason the issue never arose has less to do with your age at marriage than with the fact that kids weren't a priority for you, at least at that time.
I'm going to guess you are at least 38 or older. This is obviously a singular perspective, and I am not espousing a global norm, but in my experience there is a HUGE canyon between women born before and after about 1975, and the perspectives/norms that shaped their 20's. Those born before about '75 placed an earlier time frame on next step life goals. To a very large degree, the women I know in this age group had a preconceived concept of reaching marriage and starting families in their 30's. They all seemed to get their 20's out of their system in their 20's. Those younger than that cutoff raised the bar by about 10 years, and set mental goals of marriage and family for their 40's. It's not scientific by any stretch, and it's a very microscopic context, but I know several women separated in age by only 2 or 3 years that have drastically different perspectives on age/milestone expectations. And in all cases the younger women gave themselves MUCH more time to live the 20's lifestyle and achieve personal ambitions. Point being, the needle of attitude change was moved exponentially with women about that age. Interestingly, they also all seem to share a similar divide on their attitudes of waxing. It's almost as if denuding ourselves was the GenY version of bra burning.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Well, I find it hard to believe that this topic never came up during courtship. The way I see it, either you have a kid that you will definitely not enjoy or not have a kid and you risk losing your marriage. Children are a deal breaker for most people so you will have to do some serious soul searching.
Did you marry for money?
It never came up during courtship because DH and I were 23 when we met, and having kids was not something that we could relate to at all. The concept of having kids never even entered my mind until I turned 30. DH certainly never brought it up before marriage or until our early 30's. I think I had a vague idea that maybe I wanted kids someday, but I never thought about it more than that because I really don't like kids very much. I have never felt a maternal desire for kids and I don't enjoy being around other people's kids. I always assumed I'd be an older mom, having my first kid in my late 30's.
Anonymous wrote:If you're in your mid-30s and have been married 7 years, you didn't get married all that early! I was married in my early 20s, and we did talk about our plans to have kids even then. We had Kid 1 before we turned 30, and Kid 2 just after. I'd guess that the reason the issue never arose has less to do with your age at marriage than with the fact that kids weren't a priority for you, at least at that time.
Anonymous wrote:Well, I find it hard to believe that this topic never came up during courtship. The way I see it, either you have a kid that you will definitely not enjoy or not have a kid and you risk losing your marriage. Children are a deal breaker for most people so you will have to do some serious soul searching.
Did you marry for money?
Anonymous wrote:It is very very hard to give it up. I would not trade my kids for the world but I do miss those times.