Anonymous
12/15/2011 22:39
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:No wonder our divorce rate is so high. Where is everyone's PRIORITIES? Children and family should come first, work second. Easier said than done, but if someone's in a white-collar job I don't understand by that flexibility can't be achieved, ESPECIALLY in this day and age of technology and telework-capabilities. Maybe I'm biased, given that we all have breakfast and dinner together (and we both WOHM), but something is just wrong with our society if moms/dads are having to take care of their children solo while their spouses are working ungodly hours. I just don't get it...
Have you watched the news lately? The economy is in the shitter. It would not surprise me that a man supporting his entire family would be putting in long hours at the office, might be due to a reduced workforce, requiring more hours to pick up slack or he might be insecure about his job and is putting in more effort on the job.
I don't get how you don't get that everyone is not just like you...
Anonymous
12/15/2011 22:38
Subject: SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Just my observation here based on what I have seen working in the professional world for 14 years at 4 jobs...
The are some people who are simply workaholics-addicted to work. They choose to work long hours and make up crap to do just to work. They often have a hard time managing their time, they absolutely cannot delegate or prioritize. They also never ask for help or tell management they are overloaded, sometimes due to personal insecurities. Insecurities also play a role in these long hours because they always want to be needed and relied upon and are sometimes paranoid that someone is around the corner wanting their job so they want to make themselves indispensible. My DH works long hours and I suspect that he spends FOREVER on the smallest task. He does this at home and I suspect he does this at work which in turn keeps him there an inordinate amount of time. He is also can never say no to ANYONE, again, I’m sure this spills into work.
I don't think any of this applies to doctors or lawyers and other fields I am completely unaware of, I'm in IT.
it definitely applies to some lawyers.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 22:30
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
No wonder our divorce rate is so high. Where is everyone's PRIORITIES? Children and family should come first, work second. Easier said than done, but if someone's in a white-collar job I don't understand by that flexibility can't be achieved, ESPECIALLY in this day and age of technology and telework-capabilities. Maybe I'm biased, given that we all have breakfast and dinner together (and we both WOHM), but something is just wrong with our society if moms/dads are having to take care of their children solo while their spouses are working ungodly hours. I just don't get it...
Anonymous
12/15/2011 22:11
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Dear 19:23 (trying not to quote the super-long thread),
I'm not working because I prefer it to staying home with the kids. Even if I were, I still don't think that one individual should carry 90% of the home/child workload.
Maybe your situation is differnt, but to me, it's an enormous strain. I don't feel like I get to enjoy my evenings with my kids because there's no one there to pitch in and allow me to focus a little one-on-one time with each child. It's all rush, rush, rush. And one child is left alone while I take care of the other (they're far apart in age).
And, of course, these kids have no idea what a family dinner looks like. It's them and Mom every night. It's Mom prepping one kid for her test while making dinner and trying to keep the little kid from pulling the dog's tail. It's Mom bathing, dressing, and reading the toddler while the 9 year old plays alone in her room for over an hour. Then it's me trying to finish my job on the computer at night after DH arrives home just in time for all the work to be finished.
It's unfair to the kids. It's unfair to me. But DH will not change, and the only thing that I can imagine that is harder than this would be having to do it alone and pull early morning duty also. But God am I tempted sometimes.
Try it with two under 5!
Anonymous
12/15/2011 22:08
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Dear 19:23 (trying not to quote the super-long thread),
I'm not working because I prefer it to staying home with the kids. Even if I were, I still don't think that one individual should carry 90% of the home/child workload.
Maybe your situation is differnt, but to me, it's an enormous strain. I don't feel like I get to enjoy my evenings with my kids because there's no one there to pitch in and allow me to focus a little one-on-one time with each child. It's all rush, rush, rush. And one child is left alone while I take care of the other (they're far apart in age).
And, of course, these kids have no idea what a family dinner looks like. It's them and Mom every night. It's Mom prepping one kid for her test while making dinner and trying to keep the little kid from pulling the dog's tail. It's Mom bathing, dressing, and reading the toddler while the 9 year old plays alone in her room for over an hour. Then it's me trying to finish my job on the computer at night after DH arrives home just in time for all the work to be finished.
It's unfair to the kids. It's unfair to me. But DH will not change, and the only thing that I can imagine that is harder than this would be having to do it alone and pull early morning duty also. But God am I tempted sometimes.
I'm not working because I prefer it to staying home with the kids. Even if I were, I still don't think that one individual should carry 90% of the home/child workload.
Maybe your situation is differnt, but to me, it's an enormous strain. I don't feel like I get to enjoy my evenings with my kids because there's no one there to pitch in and allow me to focus a little one-on-one time with each child. It's all rush, rush, rush. And one child is left alone while I take care of the other (they're far apart in age).
And, of course, these kids have no idea what a family dinner looks like. It's them and Mom every night. It's Mom prepping one kid for her test while making dinner and trying to keep the little kid from pulling the dog's tail. It's Mom bathing, dressing, and reading the toddler while the 9 year old plays alone in her room for over an hour. Then it's me trying to finish my job on the computer at night after DH arrives home just in time for all the work to be finished.
It's unfair to the kids. It's unfair to me. But DH will not change, and the only thing that I can imagine that is harder than this would be having to do it alone and pull early morning duty also. But God am I tempted sometimes.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 19:33
Subject: SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Just my observation here based on what I have seen working in the professional world for 14 years at 4 jobs...
The are some people who are simply workaholics-addicted to work. They choose to work long hours and make up crap to do just to work. They often have a hard time managing their time, they absolutely cannot delegate or prioritize. They also never ask for help or tell management they are overloaded, sometimes due to personal insecurities. Insecurities also play a role in these long hours because they always want to be needed and relied upon and are sometimes paranoid that someone is around the corner wanting their job so they want to make themselves indispensible. My DH works long hours and I suspect that he spends FOREVER on the smallest task. He does this at home and I suspect he does this at work which in turn keeps him there an inordinate amount of time. He is also can never say no to ANYONE, again, I’m sure this spills into work.
I don't think any of this applies to doctors or lawyers and other fields I am completely unaware of, I'm in IT.
The are some people who are simply workaholics-addicted to work. They choose to work long hours and make up crap to do just to work. They often have a hard time managing their time, they absolutely cannot delegate or prioritize. They also never ask for help or tell management they are overloaded, sometimes due to personal insecurities. Insecurities also play a role in these long hours because they always want to be needed and relied upon and are sometimes paranoid that someone is around the corner wanting their job so they want to make themselves indispensible. My DH works long hours and I suspect that he spends FOREVER on the smallest task. He does this at home and I suspect he does this at work which in turn keeps him there an inordinate amount of time. He is also can never say no to ANYONE, again, I’m sure this spills into work.
I don't think any of this applies to doctors or lawyers and other fields I am completely unaware of, I'm in IT.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 19:23
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.
I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.
I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.
I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.
Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.
I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.
Are you and I the same person married to the same man? I could have written this post. He expects a frickin' medal for "taking the morning shift." Yeah, if I wasn't busting my ass every night getting the kids to bed and actually had some time to myself, maybe I wouldn't need so much sleep.
WOW are we all married to the same man? Same here! I give him a little more credit because our son still doesn't STTN, but my DH thinks he should get the purple heart for mornings. Should've married an early riser.
I'm married to him, too. Except I do drop offs and pick ups, in addition to the grocery shopping, dinner, and baths. DH thinks that he can walk in at 8, get the kids out of bed, sit at the table with him while he eats, and then read a story to the kids. By the time the kids are asleep, it's 9 PM. DH is an early riser, but is so F-ing slow that half the time I'm getting DC breakfast, have their clothes ready, and pack their lunches. I'm so mad as I type this--ugh. DH basically washes dishes, takes out the trash, and cleans the kitty litter. He thinks he's a great dad because he takes the kids out for a few hours on the weekend so that I get some rest--but really he thinks that if I'm rested I'll want to have sex with him. And he wonders why I'm never in the mood? And yes, we've discussed this, but every time he gets so angry that I even raise the issue of fairness I've stopped bringing it up.
Oh, yes, same here about having lunches packed and clothes picked out and breakfast stocked. And I'd better check the weather forecast the night before and put out the right clothes because if I've put out a tshirt and it's 20 degrees, he still dresses the kid in the tshirt and I have to change him into something warmer before I drop him off.
Maybe my th inking is backwards, but I'm a FT working mom and my DH works longis hours (due to proposal work) and I handle 90% of the houe/kid duties, but I also CHOOSE to work. He would be fine if I stayed at home because his job trumps mine and knows that I do the heavy lifting. I simply figure this is part of the deal with me working.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 19:09
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am a WOHM who comes home b4 my DH. He comes home at 730 - after dinner and homework almost done. It is a long day for me.
I'd say so. It's one thing to SAHM and have the bulk of the household duties. But working and keeping up with the children and chores is murderous.
I would agree. How do you all do it. Thinking about going back to work and just the thought of all of it gives me terrible anxiety.
I work, handle pick-up from 2 schools, handle all homework, bath, dinner, and bed before DH waltzes in a 8 pm. Sometimes he has been at the gym or Starbucks that day, and I just want to kill him because my life doesn't premit taking 5 minutes for myself. It sucks. I hate it.
Oh, wow. This really sucks and doesn't seem fair. Why do you put up with this? I would have a serious sit down with my DH if this was my life.
I thnk he counts on the fact that I miss my kids so much during the workday that I'll cover for him in the evenings. We have a deal that he wakes with our younger child, then dresses and feeds him. That hour in the morning is supposed to offset what I do in the afternoon and evening. Except that he regularly chastises me for "sleeping in" while he accomplishes those two tasks. The fact is that he would never see our younger child if he didn't pull morning duty. My biggest problem isn't my husband -- it's my colleagues who see me running out the door every afternoon while they stay behind to get the job done. I can't blame them.
Are you and I the same person married to the same man? I could have written this post. He expects a frickin' medal for "taking the morning shift." Yeah, if I wasn't busting my ass every night getting the kids to bed and actually had some time to myself, maybe I wouldn't need so much sleep.
WOW are we all married to the same man? Same here! I give him a little more credit because our son still doesn't STTN, but my DH thinks he should get the purple heart for mornings. Should've married an early riser.
I'm married to him, too. Except I do drop offs and pick ups, in addition to the grocery shopping, dinner, and baths. DH thinks that he can walk in at 8, get the kids out of bed, sit at the table with him while he eats, and then read a story to the kids. By the time the kids are asleep, it's 9 PM. DH is an early riser, but is so F-ing slow that half the time I'm getting DC breakfast, have their clothes ready, and pack their lunches. I'm so mad as I type this--ugh. DH basically washes dishes, takes out the trash, and cleans the kitty litter. He thinks he's a great dad because he takes the kids out for a few hours on the weekend so that I get some rest--but really he thinks that if I'm rested I'll want to have sex with him. And he wonders why I'm never in the mood? And yes, we've discussed this, but every time he gets so angry that I even raise the issue of fairness I've stopped bringing it up.
Oh, yes, same here about having lunches packed and clothes picked out and breakfast stocked. And I'd better check the weather forecast the night before and put out the right clothes because if I've put out a tshirt and it's 20 degrees, he still dresses the kid in the tshirt and I have to change him into something warmer before I drop him off.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 17:16
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why is this limited to SAHMs? My DH gets home around 6:30.
The OP probably wants answers tailored to her specific situation.
Okay, I'm slow. Is it because she as a SAHM wants to know when others' DHs relieve them?
I'd guess it's something along those lines. Since SAHMs are with the kids all day (unless the kids are in school), it's a different situation than a working mom.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 17:10
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:When do you spend quality time with your husbands? My DH and I don't have kids yet and he gets home around 8 pm every night and I feel like we never have quality time together. It really bothers me.
It's not going to change after you have kids, so think long and hard about that decision.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 17:04
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why is this limited to SAHMs? My DH gets home around 6:30.
The OP probably wants answers tailored to her specific situation.
Okay, I'm slow. Is it because she as a SAHM wants to know when others' DHs relieve them?
As a SAHM, I think it's much more workable for my husband to work layer hours than when we were both working FT. Now, part of my job is getting the kids ready for bed, cooking dinner, cleaning up, etc. So, we want for him to have quality time with the kids and for us together, but he doesn't need to be concerned with food prep time and the like. I get my breaks during the day when the kids are at school/preschool. So we're "working" on a different schedule. Maybe OP has a similar arrangement. FWIW, my dh usually leaves the house at about 7:15 in the morning and returns home about 7:45 at night. Usually about 5-6 hours of work per weekend. The kids wake up early (6 am), but most of his time with kids is over the weekend.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 16:14
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why is this limited to SAHMs? My DH gets home around 6:30.
The OP probably wants answers tailored to her specific situation.
Okay, I'm slow. Is it because she as a SAHM wants to know when others' DHs relieve them?
Anonymous
12/15/2011 16:07
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
DH gets home between 8-9 (very occasionally a lot later) depending on what is going on at work. It is not at all predictable from day to day. However, he doesn't have to leave until 8:30 am so we all have some time together in the morning. His commute is fifteen minutes (we live in Ward 6). I "manage" the evenings by starting the bedtime ritual really early and reading ALOT of books in bed with the kids.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 14:04
Subject: SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
To the PP with no kids who complains about no quality time with hubby, I get it. It sucks. Have you told him how this bothers you? If not, you need to and you need to demmand he change his work schedule. He is cheating you out of many things that you can enjoy sans children, fun dinners out, couple time with friends, just having the one you love around. If he can't or won't change hours and you are unhappy, the ttwo of you have problems you want to sort out. The folks with kids are correct, quality time decreases once kids happen, but you need to be building a good foundation beforehand. His schedule does not permit this.
Anonymous
12/15/2011 14:01
Subject: Re:SAHMs: What time does your DH normally get home after work?
Anonymous wrote:Why is this limited to SAHMs? My DH gets home around 6:30.
The OP probably wants answers tailored to her specific situation.