I had a bunch of kids at my wedding and loved it and wouldn't have had it any other way.

But I think it's odd for people to accuse folks who didn't invite kids to their weddings of being control freaks, or liars if they say that they are still happy with that even now that they have kids.

People have different preferences, priorities, budgets and styles.

I guess the no kids folks are the true control freaks.

I can't imagine a wedding from a Latin culture (whether South American or Italian) without kids dancing, eating, having fun. A wedding is for joining families together - kids, elderly in wheelchairs, mentally ill, etc. Crying during your vows - that's life - lots of stuff going on at once - that's the beauty of it. The best laid plans of mice and men. . .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What ethnicity are those who have "no kid" weddings - definitely would not fly in my ethnic group.

Me? I'm a WASP. DH is Italian.

I'm German/Scottish and my DH is South American. We have no regrets about not inviting children to the wedding. We also limited invitations to people we both knew.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, PP, that IS big. I have only 4 first cousins. My children have only 2 first cousins.

Well, it remains to be seen how many first cousins are in the next generation. So far, there are 20 grandchildren, with 2 more due in the spring. But only 5 of the 10 siblings are married so far, and one is a priest, so we're just getting started.

My mom was from 14 and my dad from 8, and all but one of their respective batches of siblings married--hence, a ton of grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will soon outnumber them.

Our family weddings have been along a wide range of glamour, but every single one was overrun with beautiful, dancing children.

I don't regret having a no kids wedding at all. We got married locally and invited almost no out of town friends with kids. The only family member from out of town with small kids was DH's step-sister and she had easy access to child care (she left her son at her house with her mom, something she had done before). Personally I felt that we went out of our way to make our wedding convenient by having it in DC instead of making our friends travel. Making them get babysitters didn't (and doesn't) seem like a big deal compared to asking them to fly to an out of town wedding. Plus our wedding location was completely not child friendly and our wedding had to start later in the evening because we had a Sat night wedding and could not get married before sundown due to Shabbat so the kids would have been cranky (dinner did not start until 8am and dancing was from about 10pm-2am).

Wow, PP, that IS big. I have only 4 first cousins. My children have only 2 first cousins.

To each his own, of course.

For me, I love my huge family's weddings, which are overflowing with kids in every direction. To life!

Oldest of 10
Over 140 first cousins

Anonymous wrote:

I know someone who had a dying parent at their wedding. They were concentrating on their dying parent. One or two guests did not understand because they were bitter about their own parent having died right before their own wedding; and they wanted to make some kind of statement at someone else's wedding. Over 95% of the invitees were understanding about no children; people with children found another plan; and everyone was happy to spend time with the dying parent. Not everyone is as selfless, but this particular bride and groom knew a nice, considerate, decent bunch of people. Everyone got to see the parent at one last formal event. They understood it took precedent over a childs first (!) formal event. It was a perfect day in every way. Honestly, it was the most beautiful couple I ever saw, inside and out, then- or since.

Why wouldn't you have a terminally ill parent at your wedding? Of course, you would, but this is apples and oranges. Children today are spoiled brats, for the most part, and parents let them do whatever they want, I did not want children at my wedding or reception but I did want elderly relatives, irrespective of their health. One aunt even had Altzheimer's but she also had a nurse with her and, for the most part, she stayed in the present. Again, apples and oranges.

I know someone who had a dying parent at their wedding. They were concentrating on their dying parent. One or two guests did not understand because they were bitter about their own parent having died right before their own wedding; and they wanted to make some kind of statement at someone else's wedding. Over 95% of the invitees were understanding about no children; people with children found another plan; and everyone was happy to spend time with the dying parent. Not everyone is as selfless, but this particular bride and groom knew a nice, considerate, decent bunch of people. Everyone got to see the parent at one last formal event. They understood it took precedent over a childs first (!) formal event. It was a perfect day in every way. Honestly, it was the most beautiful couple I ever saw, inside and out, then- or since.

Anonymous wrote:BUT there is a big distinction between you choosing to get a sitter for an event and the bride/groom mandating everyone coming either don't bring kids or get sitters. It just seems like if their proirity is not to have close family and friends attend then they shouldn't be surprised when people don't go. (I'm assuming out of town guests are attending and it's not easy to find a sitter in a strange town)

Many brides and grooms procure sitters for the reception. In some families, the adult guests leave their kids at home with family or friends or nannies. There are many ways to work it out.

It is no easier for the BRIDE and GROOM to find a sitter out of town, you know this OP, right??!!

Ultimately, your event, your rules. NOT your event, NOT your rules.

BUT there is a big distinction between you choosing to get a sitter for an event and the bride/groom mandating everyone coming either don't bring kids or get sitters. It just seems like if their proirity is not to have close family and friends attend then they shouldn't be surprised when people don't go. (I'm assuming out of town guests are attending and it's not easy to find a sitter in a strange town)

Anonymous wrote:What ethnicity are those who have "no kid" weddings - definitely would not fly in my ethnic group.

Me? I'm a WASP. DH is Italian.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What ethnicity are those who have "no kid" weddings - definitely would not fly in my ethnic group.

So, if I invite you to my wedding, am I supposed to adhere to your groups' social norms, or am I allowed to follow my own without you bitching about it?

Easy... would show up in lounge wear to a black tie event?