Anonymous wrote:I'm a police officer's wife--though his hours aren't as long, they are the complete opposite of my work hours, including us not sharing a common day off of work. I see him for ten minutes before I leave the house in the morning and two evenings a week when I get home from work. Other than that, we're ships passing in the night.

It is lonely, and I'm an introvert. We really make sure that our family time together is pretty protected--we reserve that time for each other. Unfortunately, that means that we don't get to do "our own" things as often because someone always has to be home with the kids while the other one is at work. I would love to take a weekly yoga class, for example, but when I weigh it against getting that few hours a week I get to spend with my husband, I choose to be home with him.

Your comments about feeling alone in life is what has me concerned that it might be depression and not just situational. That doesn't seem normal to me. I worry that you might be depending too much on your husband for your happiness. Can you consider going back to therapy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dr.'s wife here. I empathize with you, OP. Do you stay in touch with family and friends who don't live in the area? I email my three best friends and/or mom or sisters every day, and I schedule weekends to spend time with those people, even if I have to fly out of town for the weekend. It keeps me sane and helps me not resent the long hrs my husband works when I am busy with our kids and taking care of running the house. I guess that's my best advice if you have done everything you can to meet people, and your husband's schedule cannot change, and you cannot move. In short, I guess think of things within your control, not things that you cannot control, like your husband's crazy schedule. If you are like me, that will just make you angry and resentful. Best of luck.

OP here. Thanks for your response. I am an only child, and my parents live on the West Coast. I do talk to them frequently, maybe twice a week, but visits there (because of the long plane ride) are infrequent. I don't have any other extended family (cousins, etc.) who are interested in a relationship of any kind, and most of my extended family is in California. As for friends who don't live in the area, I guess I really only have two (from college), who live in the midwest. I keep in touch via email, I wish it was more frequent but they're only interested in emailing once every 10 days or so.

I have a very, very lonely life. I feel very alone in an extistential sense, as well. When DH is work I just feel all alone in the world. I wish that was not the case but I don't know how to change it. I don't cope well with being alone so much. Was thinking of finding a new therapist to discuss coping techniques with, not sure what she can really say, because I'm doing a lot to try to be less lonely.

I relate to this. I am one of those people who can feel lonely even in a crowd of friends. I think in this case, all this advice is not necessarily what will help. (ie, joining more groups, volunteering, calling people.) For me, those things help, but I don't need too much of it. Sometimes what helps is actually doing things alone. Like hiking in a beautiful area, going to a museum, reading a great book, going to a classical concert. Also what helps most is stuff like meditation or meditative movement things like yoga or taiqi or qigong. Choose one and practice it regularly. As they say, cultivate mindfulness. You will realize that we are ALL alone, and you will put your interactions with others in perspective, and be able to have a greater appreciation for what is, and greater ability to live in (and enjoy) the current moment. If you are at all creatively inclined, try writing or an art class. For me, creativity pulls me into a very non-lonely space. As do fixing or building things.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another dr.'s wife here. I empathize with you, OP. Do you stay in touch with family and friends who don't live in the area? I email my three best friends and/or mom or sisters every day, and I schedule weekends to spend time with those people, even if I have to fly out of town for the weekend. It keeps me sane and helps me not resent the long hrs my husband works when I am busy with our kids and taking care of running the house. I guess that's my best advice if you have done everything you can to meet people, and your husband's schedule cannot change, and you cannot move. In short, I guess think of things within your control, not things that you cannot control, like your husband's crazy schedule. If you are like me, that will just make you angry and resentful. Best of luck.

OP here. Thanks for your response. I am an only child, and my parents live on the West Coast. I do talk to them frequently, maybe twice a week, but visits there (because of the long plane ride) are infrequent. I don't have any other extended family (cousins, etc.) who are interested in a relationship of any kind, and most of my extended family is in California. As for friends who don't live in the area, I guess I really only have two (from college), who live in the midwest. I keep in touch via email, I wish it was more frequent but they're only interested in emailing once every 10 days or so.

I have a very, very lonely life. I feel very alone in an extistential sense, as well. When DH is work I just feel all alone in the world. I wish that was not the case but I don't know how to change it. I don't cope well with being alone so much. Was thinking of finding a new therapist to discuss coping techniques with, not sure what she can really say, because I'm doing a lot to try to be less lonely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, why don't you have kids? You've been married 9 years. Are you not planning on having children (which BTW, I think is A-OK!!!).

Several reasons. 1) I have a medical condition which my high risk OB (when I went for a consult) said could likely lead to complications with the pregnancy, and I don't know if I want to deal with this, 2) Having no family here and with DH working so much concerns me re: raising a child, 3) I've been on the fence about kids for years, 4) DH and I have so little time together now, that I worry how a child would negatively affect our marriage, 5) I'm not a kid person, and I've never had the "baby itch," 6) I don't feel I'm in the right "place" for kids right now. I have other issues (including the loneliness) that I'd like to resolve first.

Anonymous wrote:Married to a physician, too. I am the opposite. I like that he works long hours. My DH is very clingy and if he were home more - I would suffocate. I like my alone time....

Anonymous wrote:Just curious, why don't you have kids? You've been married 9 years. Are you not planning on having children (which BTW, I think is A-OK!!!).

Anonymous wrote:Another dr.'s wife here. I empathize with you, OP. Do you stay in touch with family and friends who don't live in the area? I email my three best friends and/or mom or sisters every day, and I schedule weekends to spend time with those people, even if I have to fly out of town for the weekend. It keeps me sane and helps me not resent the long hrs my husband works when I am busy with our kids and taking care of running the house. I guess that's my best advice if you have done everything you can to meet people, and your husband's schedule cannot change, and you cannot move. In short, I guess think of things within your control, not things that you cannot control, like your husband's crazy schedule. If you are like me, that will just make you angry and resentful. Best of luck.