I thought this post was really interesting, and will definitely be thinking about it when I'm at school picking up my kids. I'm not aware that I'm judging kids differently based on race/clothes/upkeep, but I might be. I'll keep it all in mind. I'm white with two white sons, and I'm careful about what they wear for my own reason: my Mom let me go to school all mismatched and crazy (she was just too tired in the mornings to care) and I was bullied for YEARS because of it. Not having that happen to my sons, as much as I can help it, anyway.

I can totally picture the incident in the waiting room happening, and I cringe because it's probably me in 40 years. I'm always desperate to talk to other adults (SAHM) and I'm sure I've used the most idiotic ways to "bring up" a conversation. I'm not trying to be rude, I swear, I just like to find something I can chat with people about. I like to know where people's families are front, or talk about books they're reading, things like that. I just like to chatter a bit and I'm sure I've said stupid things like this old couple. I can see how what they're saying was particularly insensitive but I just see them trying so hard to be nice and open and chatty, and find some familiar ground. Maybe I'm naive, I guess. No bad intentions (that I'm aware of anyway)!

Anonymous wrote:African-American mom here of a toddler. Yes, we do put thought into how DD is dressed. She's the best dressed kid at her daycare. The other kids look neat some days and others like they rolled out of bed. The daycare workers told me last year that they love how I dress her and do her hair and look forward to seeing what she wears in the morning. She's color coordinated even on days when she's dressed down (to include her studs, hair accessories, shoes). I do think its cultural...she is the only AA girl at the daycare and I can't half step. It's ALWAYS assumed I'm on public assistance and using a voucher even though I'm an educated, a homeowner, professional, etc. Even when I say I'm a private payer, I'm given information on applying for a voucher. (I'm late 20s but assumed to be much younger usually.) Point is, DD does not have the luxury of a bad hair day or mismatched clothing or she becomes a charity case.

This is really sad. I wish everyone would stop equating minority with poor and uneducated. There's a huge AA middle class in this country, and especially here in the DC area. How are so many people blind to this? Children should be allowed to be children - messy, cute, rumpled children.

African-American mom here of a toddler. Yes, we do put thought into how DD is dressed. She's the best dressed kid at her daycare. The other kids look neat some days and others like they rolled out of bed. The daycare workers told me last year that they love how I dress her and do her hair and look forward to seeing what she wears in the morning. She's color coordinated even on days when she's dressed down (to include her studs, hair accessories, shoes). I do think its cultural...she is the only AA girl at the daycare and I can't half step. It's ALWAYS assumed I'm on public assistance and using a voucher even though I'm an educated, a homeowner, professional, etc. Even when I say I'm a private payer, I'm given information on applying for a voucher. (I'm late 20s but assumed to be much younger usually.) Point is, DD does not have the luxury of a bad hair day or mismatched clothing or she becomes a charity case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

Let me guess? You and your kids have blonde hair and blue eyes? FWIW, so do I....but my kids are biracial. And boy, does it ever make a difference.

It may not be right, but it's reality.

I am African American. My children are African American as well.

Well then, you are an ignorant idiot in denial. Just saying.

Anonymous wrote:

"PP here. Sorry, but I've watched a grand total of about 12 episodes of Seinfeld. I'm not much of a TV watcher. This is my real life. For example, I took my wife to a clinic a couple of months ago. While sitting in the waiting room, I had a cute little old couple who looked like they were in their 70's try to break the ice with us. They told me how much they love Chinese food and how their son (who was in the service and fought in VIET NAM, which was stressed very significantly) started taking them to this wonderful buffet, but although most of the food was wonderful, they served some strange things. There was this one thing that my son made me try, but wouldn't tell me what it was. Can you believe that it was raw fish? Do you believe people would actually eat that?", That, details of what her son did in Viet Nam, and questions of if I like living here in America" were the entirety of a long discussion while waiting for our doctor's appointment. My wife spent 10 minutes trying to stifle the laughter of listening to me try to politely divert this couple before she had to go to the bathroom to get away with it. Only one example...I have a lot of others, but some just aren't a humorous as this. "

This was humorous?

PP 13:30, back again. This was much more humorous than some of the other examples I could have given. I mean, they were confusing various extremely diverse Asian cultures (Vietnamese, Japanese and Chinese). It's like someone hearing that your name was Wellington talking about how much they enjoyed visiting your country, seeing the Eiffel Tower and being introduced to the Oktoberfest and that fancy beer. Oh yeah, and watching the bulls run.

But, the point was that despite the progress since my father was subjected to real and harsh racism in the 50's and 60's, there is still some less obvious racism on-going in our society and the OP has it right that racial minorities have to be cautious because it takes less reason and cause for a minority to be dismissed than for the racial majority. It's even less harsh that what I was subjected to some 20+ years ago. But it's still there.

Just to clarify, Latinos are not a race...they are an ethnicity composed of any race you can think of. There are white Latinos, Afro Latinos, Asian Latinos, Persian, Native, etc etc...and all mixes in between. there are blond blue eyed Latinos, red headed Latinos, brown skinned, black hair, etc etc. People from across the globe immigrated to Latin America throughout time and like the US, many Latin American countries reflect that diversity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

Let me guess? You and your kids have blonde hair and blue eyes? FWIW, so do I....but my kids are biracial. And boy, does it ever make a difference.

It may not be right, but it's reality.

I am African American. My children are African American as well.

Anonymous wrote:

You're right. I misread. My apologies.

I'm not sure if you answered the OP's question before, but I'd like to know if knowing how some people stereotype Hispanics affects your clothes choices for your children. Thanks.

It's okay.

This isn't something I have to deal with yet, but I can identify with the OP's feelings. I know when my kids (multiracial- African, Native American, and European) are school aged, they won't be dressed in pajamas or very casual clothing (white tanks, white t shirts, etc.) because they will probably have to face the double whammy of Hispanic + African American stereotypes because of their dual ethnic backgrounds. I am pro-costume for now, but perhaps that will change.

Interesting thread, OP. I'm pleasantly surprised by the (mostly) respectful responses. I dread opening race-related threads on DCUM because of the high likelihood people are posting hurtful things about my race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No, it was just a point that stereotyping happens everywhere. Which makes my experience as a biracial child living summers in Japan or the blonde woman's experience growing up in Japan relevant to the point of discussion. It happens everywhere, not just here and I think it is just a human weakness, not limited to one society.

Yeah, I get that, it was just strange for the Caucasian PP who grew up in Japan to respond to the Chinese-American man's post by posting that Asians can stereotype too. I'm sure that he is aware that people of all races and nationalities can stereotype, so it was an odd response to his post.

I took her post more as her sharing how she experienced being on the receiving end of stereotypes living in Asia as a child, where she was clearly a minority. That is an unusual experience for a blonde hair/blue eyed American female, so it gives her a different perspective from women of similar appearance. I did not see it as an "everyone stereotypes so quit complaining" response.

Anonymous wrote:

No, it was just a point that stereotyping happens everywhere. Which makes my experience as a biracial child living summers in Japan or the blonde woman's experience growing up in Japan relevant to the point of discussion. It happens everywhere, not just here and I think it is just a human weakness, not limited to one society.

Yeah, I get that, it was just strange for the Caucasian PP who grew up in Japan to respond to the Chinese-American man's post by posting that Asians can stereotype too. I'm sure that he is aware that people of all races and nationalities can stereotype, so it was an odd response to his post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC looks Hispanic but is bi-racial. I don't really put lots of thought into how I dress her. She's a toddler and I dress her in clothes that I like, which happens to be a mini-boden type style. I don't get comments on her clothes, but I am aware that there are people in the world who might stereotype her because of the color of her skin. My biggest frustration is with people who assume we're poor immigrants, regardless of how we're dressed.

Just wanted to point out, Hispanic is not a race, but I get that you probably mean she looks stereotypically Hispanic- dark eyes, dark hair, darker skin.

However, all biracial means is that she is of two different races; it doesn't say what her background is. She could be biracial white/Native Amrican, which could give her a stereotypically Hispanic look.

DC is of biracial and part Hispanic. DH is Hispanic-American; family came from Spain several generations ago. I am bi-racial, also American. She doesn't look Native American at all. She looks like a darker skinned Spaniard. Unfortunately, some people don't bother looking at facial features. They see dark skin and think Mexican/Latino/South American, which for them implies poor and immigrant, and in our case that couldn't be farther from the truth. I'm not trying to pick on you, but it's interesting that your image of Hispanic means she looks part Native American. Not all Hispanics or even Latinos look this way. A friend from Mexico looks completely European. DH's grandmother had blonde hair and blue eyes.

You missed my point. I know not all Hispanics look part Native American- the variety in my large Hispanic family proves that. That's why I made sure to say "stereotypically Hispanic." In fact, you said in your initial post said that she looks Hispanic- which is in contrast to what you said in your most recent post, saying that there is no one Hispanic look.

My point was that you said your child is biracial and you are as well. Biracial doesn't give any more information than saying monoracial, except it means you and your child are comprised of two races.

You're right. I misread. My apologies.

I'm not sure if you answered the OP's question before, but I'd like to know if knowing how some people stereotype Hispanics affects your clothes choices for your children. Thanks.

I also mispelled it -- twice. Racism...

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone in this thread claim that only Americans can be racist? If so, I missed it, and please tell me which post it was. (Not being snarky.)

I don't recall the Chinese PP who experienced/experiences racism in the US saying that only Americans are racist, so why are people responding to him by saying Asians can be racist or stereotype others too?

I'm the Chinese pp who mentioned racisism. In my experience, people who say x does it too, is a way to justify their own behavior or the behavior of those in their race.

On stereotyping - it's completely understandable that many people stereotype. What's inexcusable is treating an individual of any race as a stereotype.

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone in this thread claim that only Americans can be racist? If so, I missed it, and please tell me which post it was. (Not being snarky.)

I don't recall the Chinese PP who experienced/experiences racism in the US saying that only Americans are racist, so why are people responding to him by saying Asians can be racist or stereotype others too?

No, it was just a point that stereotyping happens everywhere. Which makes my experience as a biracial child living summers in Japan or the blonde woman's experience growing up in Japan relevant to the point of discussion. It happens everywhere, not just here and I think it is just a human weakness, not limited to one society.

Did anyone in this thread claim that only Americans can be racist? If so, I missed it, and please tell me which post it was. (Not being snarky.)

I don't recall the Chinese PP who experienced/experiences racism in the US saying that only Americans are racist, so why are people responding to him by saying Asians can be racist or stereotype others too?