Anonymous wrote:Keep your mouth shut and assume you are getting nothing. Anything else is greedy and will come across that way if you ask them about it. I think if you bring it up your relationship with them will be damaged. Besides. whatever they tell you now could change dramatically.

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I support myself and am saving for retirement, thank you. My parents seem to be fairly wealthy. But because we never discuss it, I don't really know. I know vaguely that there is a trust and we (all my siblings and I) will be expected to share in it and use it to provide for my disabled sibling's care. The concern I have is I have no idea what kind of numbers we are talking about here. And my parents are older and had more kids late in life, so it is almost certain that my disabled brother will live for many more years after they die. In fact he may even outlive me. This is a daunting responsibility.

I asked this question because I am in the midst of talking with a financial planner. She asked me about EVERYTHING - my social security (which we all know may not be there), my 401k (ditto) and other savings and investments. Seems to me that the details of what money if any a person might inherit someday, coupled with what expectations EXACTLY there will be for the care of the disabled sibling, is not an unreasonable thing to want to know. I realize that there may be nothing. I realize that my parents may spend it or need it for medical care.

As I said in my first post, it doesn't feel right to ask. Clearly my gut is correct, by the way many of the harpies have wigged out, it is NOT OK to ask about it. Thanks for the info and I can assure you I will be more forthcoming with my own children someday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


PP, you seriously think that someone owes you? Your parents? For real? How old are you? If I were your parents, I would be embarrassed for you and leave every penny to charity out of spite for your greedy shameless entitled attitude. I actually heard someone say "it will be mine someday anyway" with this same lazy sh*t attitude. Do for yourself, why don't you. Are you *legitimately* (not in a hypochondriac way) ill that you can not work? Otherwise, YUCK. Just yuck. You disgust me. and I don't even know you.

hah, glad that I disgust you. Yes, I think you owe your kids to try to pass on something after you are gone. That doesn't mean you don't raise them to be self-reliant with good education and a good work ethic. I help my sisters and my parents out unconditionally. They can count on me and I can count on them. We are a family. I'm 41 years old. I certainly plan on leaving my kids an inheritance and that would please me much more than spending a lot of money in my old age.

Anonymous wrote:I think you guys are really weird. I see this as "family" money too, and I think you owe your children to leave them something if you can, just as your parents owe it to you to leave you something if they can. what is distasteful is blowing your lifetime of earnings on frivolous crap when your kids and their kids could really use it. If I cannot leave my daughters significant funds after I die, and help them with their first houses and their kids while I am alive, I will think I have failed as a parent in some respect. Just like my parents helped me whenever I needed it. It was implicit, just part of our relationship. And it goes both ways - if my parents needed help I would help them unconditionally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems as if the subject is taboo. Sort of like asking for a gift or presuming someone IS going to get you a gift.

But if inheritance could possibly have a significant impact on your retirement planning - shouldn't you know this?

I can't imagine NOT telling my daughters what to expect, in general terms, when I die. But I'd feel really akward asking my parents about this. And, ours is a complicated situation, involving significant money, multiple marriages, 6 siblings, one of whom is disabled and will be dependent on the others after my parents die.

Shouldn't inheritance or lack thereof be discussed at least in an overview with one's children?

Good heavens, no! How gauche can you get?

Anonymous wrote:It is the wise and responsible thing to do. Your family should consult an estate attorney.

You are not greedy and you want to plan - it makes perfect sense to know how much money your parents have, and to help them manage it. ESPECIALLY if you have to organize care for a sibling!

Is this an American, rabidly individualistic and independent thing? Posters on this board always respond MYOB when it comes to multi-generational money matters. I do not think that is responsible. But I'm French, and family money is just that - it belongs to the family and should be discussed.

It is important to plan ahead to get everyone to compromise now and avoid as much tax as possible. Saves a HUGE amount of heartbreak later, trust me - I've been there on all counts.

Anonymous wrote:It seems as if the subject is taboo. Sort of like asking for a gift or presuming someone IS going to get you a gift.

But if inheritance could possibly have a significant impact on your retirement planning - shouldn't you know this?

I can't imagine NOT telling my daughters what to expect, in general terms, when I die. But I'd feel really akward asking my parents about this. And, ours is a complicated situation, involving significant money, multiple marriages, 6 siblings, one of whom is disabled and will be dependent on the others after my parents die.

Shouldn't inheritance or lack thereof be discussed at least in an overview with one's children?

seems bizarre not to discuss it. my dad has spelled out exactly what they have in assets, what their plans are for in case of heath issues, and what they hope to be able to leave us. My mom has indicated to me which piece of property she would like to go to which kid. Pretty normal communication in my opinion.