Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 16:11     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
We moved to this area from Ohio. No beach week was not heard of in Ohio. I would guess it had something to do with the fact that beaches are nowhere near Ohio. I guess kids could have all stayed at a motel by the quarry but it doesn't sound as cool. The beaches here are all about 2-3 hours away.

The parent proposing beach week with mom is having a hard time realizing that at a certain point you are no longer the center of your child's world. The parent who thinks college is a more controlled environment is having delusions.

The parent who is pleased that her daughter has no interest should talk to her kid. It is sad but beach week is a continuation of popularity circles. Lots of kids have a wonderful time but for the socially awkward kids or kids that feel like a third wheel it yet another one of those painful things where they feel left out. I remember knowing a few kids who said they were not interested in beach week and wanted to do other things. It seemed normal to me at the time. Years later, I was talking with these people and they mentioned how left out they felt in high school and avoided beach week as another one of those things for the "cool" kids. I'm not saying that you should anyway try to talk your daughter into going to beach week but you may want to try talking to her about whether she is feeling left out, bullied, or unpopular.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 13:54     Subject: Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:When I graduated from high school in the 1980's we participated in beach week. I personally rented the house from a realtor (long distance phones and paper contracts). I used money I had earned the previous summer, with the house mates paying their portions. We all took responsibility for the house. Yes, there was beer, etc. The others from our school who went did the same thing I did, except for one person whose family had (has?) a house there.

I wouldn't pay for my kids to go, but if they have earned the money and are willing to work out the arrangements for themselves as I did, then I am fine with it.



Same here.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 09:44     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Not all of the activity at beach week is consensual. Senior year of high school and the first year of collage have high rates of date rape. My college spent a lot of time at orientation talking to students about safety precautions including being careful of surroundings and careful with alcohol. I hope the parents who are letting their children go to beach week are talking to all of them (male and female) about the need for sexual activity to be consensual and the limits of consent by a drunk person. There is a good discussion of this on another thread, someone suggested that if you have not engaged in the behavior sober, you should not be doing it while drinking.

Statistics: http://www.rainn.org/get-information/statistics/sexual-assault-victims
This article has some useful tips: http://www.ehow.com/feature_8017129_keep-teen-safe-spring-break.html
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 09:41     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
There are lots of permissive parents who don't know how to say 'no'. Their argument is my kid will be drinking in college, or everyone is doing it, or my kid is 18 and an adult. Regardless of this defense, these kids are not 21 and it is illegal to buy or consume alcohol under 21.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 09:32     Subject: Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
I am sad to read the parents saying "they do it anyway".
It is not 100% about controlling your teen that might be doing some of these things mentioned, however, it is about keeping your teen safe.
You absolutely need to set boundaries and rules of conduct on how you want your child/teen to behave that will hopefully start shaping their behavior as an adult.
I grew up with strict parents that would have never allowed me to go to beach week but did let me go to the beach on other weekends that were not infamous for the craziness. Now that I reflect back, I am grateful that I was not exposed to the madness and possibly been influenced to engage. I still think a 16-18 yo can be very immature in their thinking. I have friends that parents were very relaxed and set no rules and now they wish they had more boundaries growing up.
Things are going to happen, your child is going to things you are not going to like to hear about, but it is absolutely irresponsible to send them somewhere where you know the things you cringe about are happening 24/7 and considered normal that week. It is very easy for teens to be put into vulnerable situation due to peer pressure when they possibly might not do that otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 08:55     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:D hasn't asked. None of her friends from school are going. She will start her summer job a week after graduation. I wouldn't allow her to go if she asked.


I'm not interested in what other parents decide is best for their children. I decide what is best for my child. I've set boundaries and limits, and gradually relaxed them as my child gets older. I am not from DC. Where I'm from there was no "beach week,' which sounds like a ridiculous idea to me. We all had various plans after college, but none involved renting a beach house, getting drunk, having sex, etc. The kids who are doing this, are doing it at home. If you want your kid to go, fine, send him/her. But mine isn't going.

I've spent a lot of time giving my children independence and helping them learn how to use it. I find parents around here amazingly hands-off when it comes to their teenagers. They give them too much freedom and then are "shocked" when their kids get into trouble.

PP, I'm with you. If my DD didn't want to go, I'd feel glad she's chosen a good group of friends. I don't think children change their behavior that much when they go to college. I know I didn't. If you've been overly strict, then yes, maybe your child will go wild, but if you've given your children freedom and helped them learn how to use it, your children will take care of themselves.

All the other posters who want their children to replicate their own beach week experiences, well, fine for you and your child. But your children are likely not friends with my child.


And thats a really good thing seeing as you are completely intolerant of others and their decisions. I don't need my child around someone who lumps all kids into the same bucket of "hooligans" when they are going to beach week, vacation, etc. NEWS FLASH----NOT ALL KIDS GOING WILL BE DRINKING DOING DRUGS, ETC!!!!!!! SOME KIDS JUST GO FOR FUN...and I know this is hard to believe BUT ITS TRUE!


When do you graduate?


You are so funny. Get a better argument next time instead of sterotyping people who are not your childs friends.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 08:51     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:D hasn't asked. None of her friends from school are going. She will start her summer job a week after graduation. I wouldn't allow her to go if she asked.


I'm not interested in what other parents decide is best for their children. I decide what is best for my child. I've set boundaries and limits, and gradually relaxed them as my child gets older. I am not from DC. Where I'm from there was no "beach week,' which sounds like a ridiculous idea to me. We all had various plans after college, but none involved renting a beach house, getting drunk, having sex, etc. The kids who are doing this, are doing it at home. If you want your kid to go, fine, send him/her. But mine isn't going.

I've spent a lot of time giving my children independence and helping them learn how to use it. I find parents around here amazingly hands-off when it comes to their teenagers. They give them too much freedom and then are "shocked" when their kids get into trouble.

PP, I'm with you. If my DD didn't want to go, I'd feel glad she's chosen a good group of friends. I don't think children change their behavior that much when they go to college. I know I didn't. If you've been overly strict, then yes, maybe your child will go wild, but if you've given your children freedom and helped them learn how to use it, your children will take care of themselves.

All the other posters who want their children to replicate their own beach week experiences, well, fine for you and your child. But your children are likely not friends with my child.


And thats a really good thing seeing as you are completely intolerant of others and their decisions. I don't need my child around someone who lumps all kids into the same bucket of "hooligans" when they are going to beach week, vacation, etc. NEWS FLASH----NOT ALL KIDS GOING WILL BE DRINKING DOING DRUGS, ETC!!!!!!! SOME KIDS JUST GO FOR FUN...and I know this is hard to believe BUT ITS TRUE!


When do you graduate?
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 08:49     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:We didn't. Planned a father-son golf trip so he didn't feel like he was all alone while all his friends were at the beach. DS was not happy but we pretty much said tough.

Drinking, sex and so forth are usually a part of college life. But they aren't the point of college, so hopefully they are side activities to the primary purpose of being there.

They are the point of beach week with no other purpose. Sorry, not something this parent is condoning.


Way to go mom. Thank you for stating this; it helps other more responsible parents to know that we're not the only ones saying NO WAY.


Totally agree! We have one about to graduate from college, one in college, one leaving this summer for college, and two in high school. No way would I allow my senior to go to "beach week". Of course they are going to party in college. But that's a more controlled environment. And they aren't going to college for the sole purpose of getting drunk and acting like idiots. Sometimes parents need to step in and prevent kids from doing things that might have lasting consequences. An 18 year old does not have the judgment nor the life experience to always make good decisions at the moment of choice. I would argue that even a 19 or 20 year old is more equipped than an 18 year old high school senior.

It's not about controlling your kids. We all know that if kids want to get drunk, do drugs, or have sex, they'll find a way. However, encouraging your child to do so is irresponsible.


There are A LOT of irresponsible parents on this board. Fortunately, there are also a lot of responsible parents too.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 08:48     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:D hasn't asked. None of her friends from school are going. She will start her summer job a week after graduation. I wouldn't allow her to go if she asked.


I'm not interested in what other parents decide is best for their children. I decide what is best for my child. I've set boundaries and limits, and gradually relaxed them as my child gets older. I am not from DC. Where I'm from there was no "beach week,' which sounds like a ridiculous idea to me. We all had various plans after college, but none involved renting a beach house, getting drunk, having sex, etc. The kids who are doing this, are doing it at home. If you want your kid to go, fine, send him/her. But mine isn't going.

I've spent a lot of time giving my children independence and helping them learn how to use it. I find parents around here amazingly hands-off when it comes to their teenagers. They give them too much freedom and then are "shocked" when their kids get into trouble.

PP, I'm with you. If my DD didn't want to go, I'd feel glad she's chosen a good group of friends. I don't think children change their behavior that much when they go to college. I know I didn't. If you've been overly strict, then yes, maybe your child will go wild, but if you've given your children freedom and helped them learn how to use it, your children will take care of themselves.

All the other posters who want their children to replicate their own beach week experiences, well, fine for you and your child. But your children are likely not friends with my child.


And thats a really good thing seeing as you are completely intolerant of others and their decisions. I don't need my child around someone who lumps all kids into the same bucket of "hooligans" when they are going to beach week, vacation, etc. NEWS FLASH----NOT ALL KIDS GOING WILL BE DRINKING DOING DRUGS, ETC!!!!!!! SOME KIDS JUST GO FOR FUN...and I know this is hard to believe BUT ITS TRUE!
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 08:41     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:D hasn't asked. None of her friends from school are going. She will start her summer job a week after graduation. I wouldn't allow her to go if she asked.


I'm not interested in what other parents decide is best for their children. I decide what is best for my child. I've set boundaries and limits, and gradually relaxed them as my child gets older. I am not from DC. Where I'm from there was no "beach week,' which sounds like a ridiculous idea to me. We all had various plans after college, but none involved renting a beach house, getting drunk, having sex, etc. The kids who are doing this, are doing it at home. If you want your kid to go, fine, send him/her. But mine isn't going.

I've spent a lot of time giving my children independence and helping them learn how to use it. I find parents around here amazingly hands-off when it comes to their teenagers. They give them too much freedom and then are "shocked" when their kids get into trouble.

PP, I'm with you. If my DD didn't want to go, I'd feel glad she's chosen a good group of friends. I don't think children change their behavior that much when they go to college. I know I didn't. If you've been overly strict, then yes, maybe your child will go wild, but if you've given your children freedom and helped them learn how to use it, your children will take care of themselves.

All the other posters who want their children to replicate their own beach week experiences, well, fine for you and your child. But your children are likely not friends with my child.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 08:02     Subject: Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:Boy, there must be a whole lot of cool parents on this forum. So cool they are just concerned about their kids having fun, getting a pre-college crasher in binge drinking and slutting around, etc. And you will use it as a chance to tell your coolest kids to be wary of getting pregnant, getting a girl pregnant, getting herpes (unless they already have it), getting arrested, getting killed when they hop in a drunk friend's Escalade, and so forth. And I'm sure you will tell your oh-so-cool kids when they head to beach week that any kid that doesn't go is so very uncool that they should be pitied. I really hope I don't have to read about all their fun in the Post.


Preventing your kids from making any choices is not the way to get them to make good choices.
Anonymous
Post 05/25/2011 07:52     Subject: Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Boy, there must be a whole lot of cool parents on this forum. So cool they are just concerned about their kids having fun, getting a pre-college crasher in binge drinking and slutting around, etc. And you will use it as a chance to tell your coolest kids to be wary of getting pregnant, getting a girl pregnant, getting herpes (unless they already have it), getting arrested, getting killed when they hop in a drunk friend's Escalade, and so forth. And I'm sure you will tell your oh-so-cool kids when they head to beach week that any kid that doesn't go is so very uncool that they should be pitied. I really hope I don't have to read about all their fun in the Post.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2011 14:14     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Although some will differ, the objective of going to college (for most kids, at least) is not to be drunk, high, having sex, whatever on a daily basis with no other responsibilities. Your average college student does at least occasionally go to class. It is not an environment of total debauchery, the way that Beach Week is. And, although clearly not in all instances, you do have RAs or Hall Directors or House Mothers who do provide at least the tiniest potential threat of being busted.

In that regard, it is a more controlled environment.
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2011 14:09     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Totally agree! We have one about to graduate from college, one in college, one leaving this summer for college, and two in high school. No way would I allow my senior to go to "beach week". Of course they are going to party in college. But that's a more controlled environment. And they aren't going to college for the sole purpose of getting drunk and acting like idiots. Sometimes parents need to step in and prevent kids from doing things that might have lasting consequences. An 18 year old does not have the judgment nor the life experience to always make good decisions at the moment of choice. I would argue that even a 19 or 20 year old is more equipped than an 18 year old high school senior.

It's not about controlling your kids. We all know that if kids want to get drunk, do drugs, or have sex, they'll find a way. However, encouraging your child to do so is irresponsible.


College is a more controlled environment? Really?


Agreed pp. How is college more controlled? You think because there is an RA? Mine smoked weed with ppl on our floor in her room. Who is watching them helicopter mom?
Anonymous
Post 05/24/2011 14:03     Subject: Re:Are you Allowing your Senior go to Beach Week?
Anonymous wrote:
Totally agree! We have one about to graduate from college, one in college, one leaving this summer for college, and two in high school. No way would I allow my senior to go to "beach week". Of course they are going to party in college. But that's a more controlled environment. And they aren't going to college for the sole purpose of getting drunk and acting like idiots. Sometimes parents need to step in and prevent kids from doing things that might have lasting consequences. An 18 year old does not have the judgment nor the life experience to always make good decisions at the moment of choice. I would argue that even a 19 or 20 year old is more equipped than an 18 year old high school senior.

It's not about controlling your kids. We all know that if kids want to get drunk, do drugs, or have sex, they'll find a way. However, encouraging your child to do so is irresponsible.


College is a more controlled environment? Really?