Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the most annoying things someone said to me was, after I told her that my son has Asperger's she said:

"well I know it's hard when you find out that your child is not perfect. We had a hard time when we found out that our young daughter needed glasses....."

Glasses?? WTF!!! Was this supposed to be an analogy? This person is generally pretty sensitive so I just chalked it up to her being well-meaning but unbelievably clueless.

You just shot this thread in the foot, so to speak, with this comment. One thing you can glean is that different families have different challenges and devaluing something that another person finds challenging is insensitive and annoying. Visual impairment is a challenge, hearing impairment is a challenge. ETc. It's as if someone were to say to you, well, at least it's Asperger's and not cancer.

New poster here. Yes, of course, hearing impairment and visual impairment are challenges and special needs. But not everyone who wears glasses is doing so becaues they are considered to have a "visual impairment." I think the previous poster was making the point that getting used to a child wearing glasses is a minor cosmetic issue, not a "special need."

why would someone put glasses on a child who has no visual impairment?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the most annoying things someone said to me was, after I told her that my son has Asperger's she said:

"well I know it's hard when you find out that your child is not perfect. We had a hard time when we found out that our young daughter needed glasses....."

Glasses?? WTF!!! Was this supposed to be an analogy? This person is generally pretty sensitive so I just chalked it up to her being well-meaning but unbelievably clueless.

You just shot this thread in the foot, so to speak, with this comment. One thing you can glean is that different families have different challenges and devaluing something that another person finds challenging is insensitive and annoying. Visual impairment is a challenge, hearing impairment is a challenge. ETc. It's as if someone were to say to you, well, at least it's Asperger's and not cancer.

New poster here. Yes, of course, hearing impairment and visual impairment are challenges and special needs. But not everyone who wears glasses is doing so becaues they are considered to have a "visual impairment." I think the previous poster was making the point that getting used to a child wearing glasses is a minor cosmetic issue, not a "special need."

I'll go back to the original topic and give my example. This same woman from a moms group I'm in has said this to me on two separate occasions. "I think you are lucky for all the support and programs your child is getting in school. As the parent of a gifted child, I feel that he has a whole other set of challenges to deal with and support is not available. He is always getting in trouble for talking in class when he gets bored. So you are lucky." I'm not saying parents of gifted children don't deal with a set of challenges...but I don't want to compare the two or discuss how "lucky" I am.

Anonymous wrote:One of the most annoying things someone said to me was, after I told her that my son has Asperger's she said:

"well I know it's hard when you find out that your child is not perfect. We had a hard time when we found out that our young daughter needed glasses....."

Glasses?? WTF!!! Was this supposed to be an analogy? This person is generally pretty sensitive so I just chalked it up to her being well-meaning but unbelievably clueless.

You just shot this thread in the foot, so to speak, with this comment. One thing you can glean is that different families have different challenges and devaluing something that another person finds challenging is insensitive and annoying. Visual impairment is a challenge, hearing impairment is a challenge. ETc. It's as if someone were to say to you, well, at least it's Asperger's and not cancer.

This article debunks the whole special needs = divorce myth

http://drgrcevich.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/special-needs-and-divorce-what-does-the-data-say/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night heard again one that I can't stand "Special needs parents marriages are at high risk of divorce." So how come none of the special needs couples I see are divorced?

Your experience is anecdotal, not based in research and mirrors many of the oblivious comments people on this forum are complaining about. You may not be able to stand it but it is a fact that marriages of people with SN kids are at higher risk of divorce. You may not know anyone with SN kids who have divorced but I know plenty and I know the strain it's placed on my own marriage. http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/11/05/us-divorce-rates-idUSTRE4A4B9P20081105

That's an interesting study, but none of the couples that I hang out with have ADHD kids -- so you're really only talking anecdotally too. And a study of 268 marriages of kids with ADHD is not going to convince me of anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Last night heard again one that I can't stand "Special needs parents marriages are at high risk of divorce." So how come none of the special needs couples I see are divorced?

Your experience is anecdotal, not based in research and mirrors many of the oblivious comments people on this forum are complaining about. You may not be able to stand it but it is a fact that marriages of people with SN kids are at higher risk of divorce. You may not know anyone with SN kids who have divorced but I know plenty and I know the strain it's placed on my own marriage. http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/11/05/us-divorce-rates-idUSTRE4A4B9P20081105

sadly I have to agree, I also know plenty of SN parents who ended up getting divorced.

Anonymous wrote:Last night heard again one that I can't stand "Special needs parents marriages are at high risk of divorce." So how come none of the special needs couples I see are divorced?

Your experience is anecdotal, not based in research and mirrors many of the oblivious comments people on this forum are complaining about. You may not be able to stand it but it is a fact that marriages of people with SN kids are at higher risk of divorce. You may not know anyone with SN kids who have divorced but I know plenty and I know the strain it's placed on my own marriage. http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/11/05/us-divorce-rates-idUSTRE4A4B9P20081105

Last night heard again one that I can't stand "Special needs parents marriages are at high risk of divorce." So how come none of the special needs couples I see are divorced?

Wow I had a zillion typos..must get to bef pronto

I thought of another one from someone we know who had a child a few years ago. She knows our child has special needs, but doesn't get it and doesn't see anything wrong. Her child is a gold medalist in the milestone olypics and we cheer on any and every success she shares. That didn't bother me..this did..she said to us

"I don't know why everyone complains about how hard parenting is. This is one of the easiest things I've ever done. Maybe it gets harder later or something?"

When we share the fact some milestones that her child reached with ease took our child much longer and lots of intervention she then shares her parenting methods (or lack there of) as though if we had just done things her way all would be well.

While I'm venting...that uper model Giselle or Gazelle or whoever she is married to Tom Brady...she made so many obnoxious comments criticiziong other mothers and bragging about her own mothering...I kind of hope her next kid is more challenging. I don't wish special needs on any child, but I do hope she at least learns she isn't the guru on parenting.

I talk to parents of "typical" children all the time. Always have and always will. I celebrate their achievements and they celebrate my SN child's achievements. It's not about walking on eggshells or fear of saying the wrong thing. And if one of my friends happened to say an "oopsie," they are my friends. I might say something like "Cut the crap," I might just forget about it. They are my friends, after all. Most of these comments come from total strangers -- well meaning strangers and I don't explode at them, I just kind of go "Huh!" and laugh with my husband about it. If a doctor hands out that "Trip to Holland" story in his waiting room, I know that's not a doctor for me because he just doesn't get it. So "typical moms," please don't take away from this that you can't say or do one wrong thing. This isn't like handling nuclear explosives.

Let's keep this thread focused on its original purpose. DCUM has plenty of forums for other topics.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those off us who have SN really really don't have the responsibility to school the rest of you. I have made some suggestions on this thread but reading the defensive and pissy responses from some parents of typically developing kids just makes me regret even trying to help. Get a clue, but don't depend on us to get it for you.

I'm a parent of (supposedly) NT children but I do read this forum. What I have gained from this thread is that I will only talk about the weather with parents of Special Needs children. I won't talk about my children nor ask about theirs.

You can talk to me about wine but don't talk to me about Kate's wedding - I am sick of that too.

Not to be insensitive but maybe talking about kids is not a great subject. I have a friend who's husband is dying - I don't complain about my husband around her. (at least I try not to)

The SN forum is generally the most supportive and snark-free on DCUM. It has been invaluable to me.
PP who was critical of this thread...browse the other threads a bit to see what our community of special needs parents is going through, and the support and encouragement we offer each other on a daily basis.
Then perhaps you will withhold your criticism.
This is a vent thread. Parenting our SN kids is hard as hell and we're blowing off steam. Simple as that.