Yes. I would quit.

I could in the sense I make much less than dh. Health insurance is through me and I have this terrible thing I cannot let go off about feeling worthless if I don’t contribute financially. I know objectively it’s not true, in the sense I’d not think that of others, but I have btdt and always end up depressed. Current situation is not good either as I am beyond frazzled working and doing all house and chores and totally unfulfilled as a person. Really envy poster above me who feels great sah.

I think it’s personality dependent. I quit when my kids were middle and high school. 20 years of a high powered career and poor just quit. I’m so much happier. I love hanging out at my house and taking care of my family. It brings me so much more joy and, more than that, just not having the work stress at all in my life makes me feel like I can breathe. Like, some nights we just lay on the couch and do nothing together!! Watch a movie or play cards, and the dishes and errands and everything can be done tomorrow because I don’t have to go to work.

But, I have an infinite to do list that keeps me busy and am eager to learn new things. I’ve taken up photography. I’m fascinated by AI and learning how to incorporate it. I’ve been able to help out elderly family members. I am not worried at all about what I will do when my kids go off to college. I think if that really stresses you out that is a sign. I see the hours and hours and hours of free time as an amazing opportunity.

Do it for you. Pretty soon oldest kid will be driving, and typically they won’t need you as much. I have a not busy FT job and only work from the office a couple of days. I am bored waiting around for my kids to want to do something, go for a walk, go shopping, watch a movie, play tennis— with me! But of course, they’d rather go with friends or with each other, or by themselves!

I do wish I’d cultivated my own hobbies more, but as I approach 50 I’m slowly starting to do that. Restarted tennis with weekly lessons, tied spin (not for me!), and took up exercising at home and more reading. Still bored. Blah!

If it wouldn’t put a dent in our finances and we had enough saved so that I could live off half if something happened and I ended up divorced, yes, I would quit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.

So by this logic spouses need to retire at exactly the same time? Also, OP didn't say she'll never work again. Are people not allowed to take a few years off to explore other things?

If they can pay their own way during that time, sure. Start saving.

What does this even mean? Tracking your portion of savings separately and then drawing down only from it to pay for … lunch out? Gas? Half the mortgage?

We both work but I will definitely not work past 55. My spouse might decide to. I have no idea what portion of our savings I’ve earned (we had to pay my student loans for a few years, for example — is that subtracted out?), and can’t imagine a marriage where we thought about finances so separately.

Of course you should have separate savings, and of course you should use them to pay for your own obligations like mortgage, etc, if you're not working.

This is so weird.

Really weird. Your marriage sounds toxic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.

So by this logic spouses need to retire at exactly the same time? Also, OP didn't say she'll never work again. Are people not allowed to take a few years off to explore other things?

If they can pay their own way during that time, sure. Start saving.

What does this even mean? Tracking your portion of savings separately and then drawing down only from it to pay for … lunch out? Gas? Half the mortgage?

We both work but I will definitely not work past 55. My spouse might decide to. I have no idea what portion of our savings I’ve earned (we had to pay my student loans for a few years, for example — is that subtracted out?), and can’t imagine a marriage where we thought about finances so separately.

Of course you should have separate savings, and of course you should use them to pay for your own obligations like mortgage, etc, if you're not working.

This is so weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.

So by this logic spouses need to retire at exactly the same time? Also, OP didn't say she'll never work again. Are people not allowed to take a few years off to explore other things?

If they can pay their own way during that time, sure. Start saving.

What does this even mean? Tracking your portion of savings separately and then drawing down only from it to pay for … lunch out? Gas? Half the mortgage?

We both work but I will definitely not work past 55. My spouse might decide to. I have no idea what portion of our savings I’ve earned (we had to pay my student loans for a few years, for example — is that subtracted out?), and can’t imagine a marriage where we thought about finances so separately.

Of course you should have separate savings, and of course you should use them to pay for your own obligations like mortgage, etc, if you're not working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.

So by this logic spouses need to retire at exactly the same time? Also, OP didn't say she'll never work again. Are people not allowed to take a few years off to explore other things?

If they can pay their own way during that time, sure. Start saving.

What does this even mean? Tracking your portion of savings separately and then drawing down only from it to pay for … lunch out? Gas? Half the mortgage?

We both work but I will definitely not work past 55. My spouse might decide to. I have no idea what portion of our savings I’ve earned (we had to pay my student loans for a few years, for example — is that subtracted out?), and can’t imagine a marriage where we thought about finances so separately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.

So by this logic spouses need to retire at exactly the same time? Also, OP didn't say she'll never work again. Are people not allowed to take a few years off to explore other things?

If they can pay their own way during that time, sure. Start saving.

Quit and allow yourself to be present for the last few years before the kids are gone for good.

I bet you are putting pressure on yourself, op.

You have 4 days at home. Take the flexibility you need. Nobody will notice or care.

Use your PTO.

I wouldn’t quit your job because you’ll miss the money. Instead, push the limits of flexibility to be present for your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.

So by this logic spouses need to retire at exactly the same time? Also, OP didn't say she'll never work again. Are people not allowed to take a few years off to explore other things?

I would be gone so fast…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. YOU do not have enough money to quit your job. You are a dependent.

That’s an odd way to see a marriage. We treat ours like a partnership. I take care of the home and he works for now. There was a time it was reversed but no one ever feels like a dependent.

It’s not true when there isn’t enough to “take care of at home”, you just become a dependent adult not pulling your weight,

And if her H quit and was like “I take out the trash and mow the lawn so I deserve to quit” you’d be appalled by his brashness.