I wonder if asking for the off campus waiver as an alternative is part of what's causing the problem in getting the request approved. I really do understand what you're saying but I think the idea that he has the skills to live independently at age 18 but not the skills to share a dorm room is hard to understand for people who don't have experience with a lot of different kinds of autism. For most people disability exists on a sliding scale from more to less and living by yourself is "less disabled" than living with a friend in a dorm. Again I'm not saying this is true, just that I'm wondering if it's making people think he just doesn't want to share with a random.

There are just too many students requesting singles for documented disabilities. For every request approved colleges lose money because students are often charged the standard double or triple rate instead of the single rate.

Under federal guidelines, a university is only required to provide an effective accommodation that removes a barrier to equal access, not necessarily the student's preferred accommodation.

So more and more colleges are looking at students who put in for singles due to a disability and carefully matching the student with another student who shares identical sleep schedules, cleanliness habits, substance free, low-social needs, etc. Only after trying out this living situation and working with the RA to solve any difficulties will they then consider moving a student to a single.

And really there is a certain percent of students who request singles who end up being fine living in a double even if it isn't ideal. The goal for every student in college is gainful employment, so learning to tolerate other people's quirks is really important if you want your child to get and keep a job and to have a future partner/spouse. It can be incredibly difficult but when you look at the big picture and long term success shielding every student who would benefit from having a single but can end up coping in a double isn't really helpful to their future.

Anonymous wrote:Please don’t approach the housing office in an antagonistic way even if you think their proposal was clueless. Approach them and explain your situation and how sharing a room is not an option. Either he gets a single or a waiver. Give them a chance to help you resolve this within a reasonable time frame and only if they fail to help then you escalate.

Yeah, we aren’t antagonistic. I don’t even feel like it’s the colleges “fault”. They have a lot of students submitting for singles. If we would have known the competition was fierce, we would have had a better plan B in place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also. Consider letting your kid fail sometimes. He might be capable of more than you're allowing him to achieve. He will learn a lot from trying to share space with someone, even if it's ultimately unsuccessful.

terrible advice for a kid with autism. don't set him up to fail.

I come from a family with several generational aspies, including my father, and I completely disagree with you.

They don't read clues and can make life difficult for themselves and everyone around them. They have to be taught how to fail and how to regroup, many times over, so they can learn how to live in the world and have the most successful and fulfilling life possible, for them.

Sheltering them from failure without letting them fail and showing them how to regroup repeatedly sets them up for a miserable life and perhaps an explosive reaction when you aren't around and they actually face higher stakes real world failure.

That being said, I don't think a shared dorm room with 18 year olds living on their own for the first time is the best place to learn this, for him or for his roommate .

OP here, my child is not “aspie” but level 2 autism (nearly level 1/aspie but not quite).

I worry more about his disrupting someone else’s year rather than being super upset himself. He will be clueless but it doesn’t mean someone else will be happy coping with his inflexibility and daily routines.

We are continuing to run this issue to ground but aren’t opposed to a deferral or another plan if we don’t think it’s a good fit.

The college has limited resources and I don’t underestimate their own challenges dealing with limited space and 2 people trying to decipher whose needs are priority. It’s just not ideal to be in flux.

Please don’t approach the housing office in an antagonistic way even if you think their proposal was clueless. Approach them and explain your situation and how sharing a room is not an option. Either he gets a single or a waiver. Give them a chance to help you resolve this within a reasonable time frame and only if they fail to help then you escalate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also. Consider letting your kid fail sometimes. He might be capable of more than you're allowing him to achieve. He will learn a lot from trying to share space with someone, even if it's ultimately unsuccessful.

terrible advice for a kid with autism. don't set him up to fail.

I come from a family with several generational aspies, including my father, and I completely disagree with you.

They don't read clues and can make life difficult for themselves and everyone around them. They have to be taught how to fail and how to regroup, many times over, so they can learn how to live in the world and have the most successful and fulfilling life possible, for them.

Sheltering them from failure without letting them fail and showing them how to regroup repeatedly sets them up for a miserable life and perhaps an explosive reaction when you aren't around and they actually face higher stakes real world failure.

That being said, I don't think a shared dorm room with 18 year olds living on their own for the first time is the best place to learn this, for him or for his roommate .

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

I have the same opinion. If they offered to match him with a neurodivergent person with “a similar profile”, they know nothing about autism. I told my son that I would help him craft an email in return. My son paces as his stim and it will drive someone else crazy before he even notices it.

We had an online meeting with the disability office and submitted all of the required paperwork. It seems like they have a large high functioning autistic population. I wouldn’t put my son in that category. He’s more level 2 than level 1 and needs more than a quiet spot to cope at the end of a day. We explained all of this. It seems like they have housing limitations which mean that the college isn’t a good fit for my son.

I’m disappointed and know we have to start emailing and calling. I think he’d do best with off campus housing but I’m frustrated that we asked about housing and were misled.

Anyone have a single dorm room at Ursinus, Millersville or Mary Washington? He was admitted to all 3 of those colleges too.


I can’t believe we are back in this situation again.

Y son has a medical single for autism at Mary Washington and is thriving. To get the single, it was more than just needing a place to decompress as his needs are higher than that.

What were his higher needs, out of curiosity? We also have an autistic teen interested in Mary Washington. Thanks!

Significant sleep disorder where unless his needs are met he cannot sleep at all. Very strict rule follower who would report any housing violations to the RA. Being around any sort of alcohol in his room would lead to a meltdown.

Anonymous wrote:Have you specifically used the phrasing "reasonable accommodation" when requesting to get a single or an off-campus waiver? That's the legally relevant wording. If not, send another email specifying that you are requesting this reasonable accommodation due to your son's qualifying disability and you look forward to participating in the interactive process with them. If they have any brains this will get them to forward your email to an internal lawyer who will explain to them that they have actual legal obligations here.

this is bad advice, it's not about sending an email with specific wording. every college has a specific application process for applying for accommodations. look that up and follow it, not clueless advice on here.

Have you specifically used the phrasing "reasonable accommodation" when requesting to get a single or an off-campus waiver? That's the legally relevant wording. If not, send another email specifying that you are requesting this reasonable accommodation due to your son's qualifying disability and you look forward to participating in the interactive process with them. If they have any brains this will get them to forward your email to an internal lawyer who will explain to them that they have actual legal obligations here.

Anonymous wrote:God damn. No wonder it gets harder every year for upperclassmen to secure single rooms at residential colleges. I don't remember ANYONE needing or demanding a single room accommodation as a freshman when I was in school.

I know, right? It’s so wonderful that colleges are more accessible to students with physical and medical disabilities now than when we were there!

God damn. No wonder it gets harder every year for upperclassmen to secure single rooms at residential colleges. I don't remember ANYONE needing or demanding a single room accommodation as a freshman when I was in school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have heard George Mason does really well with this type of kid.

Ask on the special needs forum

Yes, GNU gave my autistic daughter a single. OP, you need to escalate the problem.

Sorry, GMU. Make sure you register with disability services the summer before you show up so they can help with housing.

Anonymous wrote:You need to insist some more, OP.

My son at George Washington had no problem getting a single room due to his autism, ie, sky high social anxiety and need to stim in private (which for him means walk about his room). The Disability Office checks in with the Housing Office every semester so he gets a private room.

The fact your son's college suggested two autistic people share a room means they understand NOTHING about autism. If your son needs other accommodations, like extended time, or quiet testing locations, be warned that they might be equally difficult to obtain if the college is being so backward about it.

Does this place have a Disability Office? You need to call and email yourself (not your son) and insist they need to get involved. Show them the documentation again, and say that these are standard accommodations. You're not asking for the moon, here!

This. Huge red flag!!

IME, living off campus year 1, missing all the new/meeting friends etc. opportunities is a sure way to end up on the periphery socially, unfortunately. I watched this happen (on a parent board of a university with a mix of on campus housing and local commuters).

After the phones calls, perhaps a letter with something to the effect of,

Our understanding is that a single room was requested as a disability accommodation and all required documentation was submitted.
Please confirm whether the accommodation has been approved and, if not, provide the basis for the denial and information regarding the appeal process.

They don't have the smartest workers in the housing department.

Anonymous wrote:Some ND kids can better adjust to sharing space as they get older (mine did), but I understand based on past experience you feel there's no possibility for success here. I think living off-campus would be too challenging for a ND kid already dealing with that much change already. So I agree with PP to reach out to the disability office. If no help, then I vote defer, with a very clear explanation why.

+1 If you really think there's no chance of his succeeding with a roommate--is that what he thinks?--then agree.