Oh, I mention the thing about her marrying her Jewish boss because she has easily spent 40 years of her life trying to have the expensive last name while constantly reminding people that she's Presbyterian.

"Remember that YOU are NOT Jewish" was something she said to me.

I think she even tried to tell me once we were descended from royalty.

She's not really compos mentis, but whatever. I don't need to deal with her mierda

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar experience to this. A woman married into my family (white) -- she is Mexican American. We lived in a part of the country with a very large Latino population, as well as a lot of Native American people.

She has said many things to me that are racist both towards other Latino people (she looks down on Latinos with darker skin, those who don't speak English or who speak a version of Spanish she considers inferior to what she speaks, and people from certain other countries) and towards Native American people. I spoke up the first few times she said these things and she told me I didn't get it because I was white. Now I just avoid her and I don't let me kid play with her kid because I don't want those attitudes rubbing off on my kid. Both because I think they are ugly and wrong, and because if my white kid said the stuff she said, people would rightly think my kid was a virulent racist.

This stuff eventually put me permanently off my own mom. She and my (late) dad were white, she left him in the early 70s to have an affair with and marry her very $$$ Jewish boss and she took his name. She came from a VERY racist background (she was a grad of a white flight HS town in the 50s) and I just grew up with her saying all these horribly inappropriate things, but I just didn't know any better.

My brother married a "proud Latina" (her words, not mine) but she went to a southern U and was her sorority president, she presents as white as a girl can be, but wow, my mom went to town on her. I didn't ever watch the Modern family show until recently, but those parts when Shelley Long was at the wedding getting drunk and shouting "I'm Gloria I spread my legs ay yi yi !!!!" while being dragged out of the venue doors was close.

My mom's description of all the relatives visiting for the birth of my twin nieces was some narrative about how they all came from Mexico and Puerto Rico to sleep on the floors (because they like it) and practically made it sound like they were all on lawn chairs in front of the house shooting guns in the air and chasing chickens around. ("You know, because they like that")

My mom's just a bad person. She's not a good person.

In my younger days I used to just be surprised and say nothing when I heard racist jokes. I didn't hear them at all in my progressive, diverse private school, but when I got to college, it was 85% white and 70% male and hoo boy I used to hear offensive comments all the time. I just kept my mouth shut, even when they were about women. You just did.

I then moved forward over time, eventually adopted a child internationally at age 6 months and suddenly all that similar kind of racism came to the forefront. "What do you feed her?" "Are you keeping any of her original language?" "Are you going to get her into gymnastics or will she just play the piano or violin?"

People are DUMB

The "this is going to sound bad, but ..."

Finally a 15 year Og online friendship ended in that friend visiting me, she was breaking up with her husband and I flew her out for a girls week. My dime. But then somewhere mid week, once, when whatever subject came up, I'd had a boyfriend in college who was biracial and there was "the question" ... and when I asked her if she had really never dated anyone black, she said, "hell no, I ain't no N*** L**vr"

I also got the comment once, "well, that was mighty white of you" from the same friend when I think I was talking about taking a neighbor meals when her husband died.

I drove her to the airport literally planning never to see her again. I blocked her by cell and email same night, and only after that got a card in the mail with sharpie inside that said, "DEAR B**chI JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW I HAVE A VERY NICE LIFE !!!!"

Well, OK then.

LOTS of stuff used to be able to be hidden by the internet and keeping conversations to emails. Now it's like that old Designing Women tv show joke about the south where they don't hide their crazy people, they proudly bring them into the front parlor.

All the crazy racists have been invited back into the front parlors of ... everywhere

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She said “this is going to sound racist” and then went on to say an incredibly racist thing. It wasn’t about my ethnicity but about my husband’s. I knew she was maga so I’ve always kept it surface level with her but it was still so shocking to me.

She has said that thing in her MAGA bubble and been validated, so she feels increasingly emboldened to vocalize it more generally.

You could have just slugged her. It's ok to assault racists.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to learn how to be anti-racist. You are not an ally if you shut your ears off to every racist comment just because it's not directed at you or your immediate family.

https://www.npr.org/2020/08/24/905515398/not-racist-is-not-enough-putting-in-the-work-to-be-anti-racist

I don’t need to be anti anything. I also don’t want your bs. I’m Latina (Mexican) and please just stop. Live your life. Yes, don’t be racist because that’s a normal thing but don’t let anyone tell you how you need to act. What a bizarre level of control.

Calling people out on their racism isn't control.

I had a similar experience to this. A woman married into my family (white) -- she is Mexican American. We lived in a part of the country with a very large Latino population, as well as a lot of Native American people.

She has said many things to me that are racist both towards other Latino people (she looks down on Latinos with darker skin, those who don't speak English or who speak a version of Spanish she considers inferior to what she speaks, and people from certain other countries) and towards Native American people. I spoke up the first few times she said these things and she told me I didn't get it because I was white. Now I just avoid her and I don't let me kid play with her kid because I don't want those attitudes rubbing off on my kid. Both because I think they are ugly and wrong, and because if my white kid said the stuff she said, people would rightly think my kid was a virulent racist.

Anonymous wrote:Some of you need to learn how to be anti-racist. You are not an ally if you shut your ears off to every racist comment just because it's not directed at you or your immediate family.

https://www.npr.org/2020/08/24/905515398/not-racist-is-not-enough-putting-in-the-work-to-be-anti-racist

I don’t need to be anti anything. I also don’t want your bs. I’m Latina (Mexican) and please just stop. Live your life. Yes, don’t be racist because that’s a normal thing but don’t let anyone tell you how you need to act. What a bizarre level of control.

Some of you need to learn how to be anti-racist. You are not an ally if you shut your ears off to every racist comment just because it's not directed at you or your immediate family.

https://www.npr.org/2020/08/24/905515398/not-racist-is-not-enough-putting-in-the-work-to-be-anti-racist

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

You said that wrong, let me fix it for you.

There are are two sets of rules - one if you are white, in which case you're not allowed to speak like that, and one if you are a member of the particular race being discussed. A Latino can't say racist things about a Black person and have it be ok.

Anonymous wrote:Op here replying with what actually happened since people seek to think it matters so much as far as my response:

We were casually chatting at a school event. The school, which is a private school and heavily Hispanic in population, had some work done on the grounds which wasn’t done all that well. She said “this is going to sound racist but it looks like something Mexicans would do.” I told her that was offensive and walked away upset. She texted an apology and said what she said was in bad taste and inferred it wasn’t a good joke.

My spouse is Latino.

Oof. I'm not sure I'd get over that, to be honest. It's definitely not the most racist thing someone could say, but it's in incredibly poor taste. Your husband being Latino doesn't mean he's Mexican, but still. If she says that out loud to you, imagine what she says around like-minded company. No thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

There is a wonderful thought experiment for you to consider how an in group can talk to another person from the same group but it sounds different coming from someone outside of the group.

Except it isn't an in-group joke. Latinos are disparaging other types of Latinos. It's like Europeans making fun of Polacks back in the day. So if you don't like "White" people (who by the way can be Hispanic themselves) making this joke, than neither should other Latinos.

The racist comment maker was White talking about Mexicans.....where are the other Latinos and yes, I am aware you can be white hispanic or white non hispanic or black hispanic or black non hispanic. Its really simple. If you call your brother a di$k when he messes up but a random stranger calls him a di%k I promise you the intent and the reception are different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. She said “this is going to sound racist” and then went on to say an incredibly racist thing. It wasn’t about my ethnicity but about my husband’s. I knew she was maga so I’ve always kept it surface level with her but it was still so shocking to me.

Ok, if it's about your husband's race then you have the right to be upset. It would be OTT for a race that didn't involve you.

I'm a white woman and if someone said something racist to me, I would want to associate with them anymore. Who cares that it wasn't me they were talking about? It's awful either way.

Anonymous wrote:as an Indian person, I can say that every community can be blatantly racist even as we are the butt of many racist jokes. And don’t get me started on castism, which can be really ugly. when my elderly aunt said something racist about black people, i called her on it and said she could not say those racist things in front of me or my family. i told her it was dead wrong to repeat such stereotypes given what Black people have gone through and still go through in our country. i would say the same thing to your “friend” and let her text. it’s not on you to respond, but you could be gracious and accept the apology. maybe she’ll learn from it,

???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assuming that's what was really said, this is a tough one. You say the school is heavily Latino. Latinos do in fact joke around like that.

Yep. These kinds of comments are widely common and fact of life across Mexico and Latin America. I don't like it but I can also see why it's normal and casual thinking. It also illustrates there's two rules in American society. One for whites, you're joy allowed to speak like this, one for everyone else, who speak like this all the time.

There is a wonderful thought experiment for you to consider how an in group can talk to another person from the same group but it sounds different coming from someone outside of the group.

Except it isn't an in-group joke. Latinos are disparaging other types of Latinos. It's like Europeans making fun of Polacks back in the day. So if you don't like "White" people (who by the way can be Hispanic themselves) making this joke, than neither should other Latinos.

Anonymous wrote:
Is there really a difference between republicans and maga at this point?

It’s just like the difference between Democrats and progressives.
Neither party should be judged by its extremists.