I know it's scary. I'm sorry. Consult a few well-respected lawyers. They'll know better than us.

I'm in VA and I've shared this before on here. Keep in mind my ex offered this. He makes close to 7 figures and has a lot clients who have divorced. He said that anything over 16 or 17 years usually gets lifetime alimony so he just offered it -- we were married just shy of 20 years when we separated.

$10k/month lifetime alimony
$2.5k/month child support for two kids, drops to $1.8k for one
$4k month paying off my mortgage

Plus my half of the assets, some of which are rental properties that will some day make good money (but right now all the equity is sucked out by loans my ex took out -- he was always borrowing from Peter to pay Paul)

You've been married 20 years and he makes 10x as much as you do. I really don't believe a judge is going to tell you to suck it up. You are the poster child for spousal support. Fight for the support you have earned by investing in this marriage. Don't listen to the noise that is designed to make you keep sweet and obey. You were involved in a business arrangement -- marriage -- and there is a standard way to dissolve this that honors your non-monetary contributions.

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

Yes. Do not marry again.

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

You made a family decision for one spouse to give up earnings and do the unpaid labor of staying home and caring for the children. The alimony represents the lost earning potential from having been out of the workforce for so long.

Yea. My ex was insisting that I quit law practice for a less time demanding job. He achieved career heights and cheated caked me “nobody”. Why did you marry a “nobody” and had kids with them, lived under same roof for 20 years?

Alimony is to equalize the households for children when ex wife is too old to start anew

I didn’t get any alimony but I welcome it when other women get it as it’s only fair

Why didn’t you get any alimony?

He hid future income behind stock options

That has nothing to do with allimony.

It does. Because disparity in future income is a factor in awarding spousal support.

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Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

You made a family decision for one spouse to give up earnings and do the unpaid labor of staying home and caring for the children. The alimony represents the lost earning potential from having been out of the workforce for so long.

Yea. My ex was insisting that I quit law practice for a less time demanding job. He achieved career heights and cheated caked me “nobody”. Why did you marry a “nobody” and had kids with them, lived under same roof for 20 years?

Alimony is to equalize the households for children when ex wife is too old to start anew

I didn’t get any alimony but I welcome it when other women get it as it’s only fair

Why didn’t you get any alimony?

He hid future income behind stock options

That has nothing to do with allimony.

OP - You need a lawyer who will listen to you and protect your interest and that if your childrenfrom the getgo. Your lawyer should file for spousal and child support immediately. Your expectation should be 50% of marital assets during your marriage to the date of separation as that is the usual rule as is 50/50 in custody even if older teens. Be sure college 529s are clearly protected. On assets do get advice because a division of pensions and investments may be even more important longterm than the house. Spousal support is also key and there does segments to be a 20 year rule. Not sure if you are saying early 40s as opposed to early 50s if it matters in terms of lifetime support. A daughter found a male lawyer seemed to be too subservient to what her exactly might do. Due to unexpected circumstances on her ex’s team, she was able to change and found a woman who was aggressive and competent. It was expensive, but the settlement was equitable after her ex said she brought nothing to and contributed nothing to their 15 year marriage!!(She did work and raised two young teens.)

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why 50/50 on assets plus child support isn’t what you should expect. Alimony is an injustice to any person. The marriage is over, but then financially everyone pretends like it isn’t?

The couple made decisions during the marriage that influenced her future earning potential. Husband benefited from her keeping house and raising children. He likely progressed further in his career and earns more now because of her.

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

Not necessarily.

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Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

You don't. Just play your part and be thankful.

Btw, if he doesn't pay taxes and you stay at home who does? The fairy god mother?

What? I pay our taxes. I do all of the above, I just don’t get paid for any of it.

From what salary?

Are you just dense?

Yes. Or deliberately obtuse.

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Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

You don't. Just play your part and be thankful.

Btw, if he doesn't pay taxes and you stay at home who does? The fairy god mother?

What? I pay our taxes. I do all of the above, I just don’t get paid for any of it.

From what salary?

Are you just dense?

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Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

You don't. Just play your part and be thankful.

Btw, if he doesn't pay taxes and you stay at home who does? The fairy god mother?

What? I pay our taxes. I do all of the above, I just don’t get paid for any of it.

From what salary?

Oh hahaha I meant that I am the one who “does” the taxes and pays the bills, etc. yes it is his money. I’m just saying that I have a lot of responsibility around our house.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

You don't. Just play your part and be thankful.

Btw, if he doesn't pay taxes and you stay at home who does? The fairy god mother?

What? I pay our taxes. I do all of the above, I just don’t get paid for any of it.

From what salary?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

You don't. Just play your part and be thankful.

Btw, if he doesn't pay taxes and you stay at home who does? The fairy god mother?

What? I pay our taxes. I do all of the above, I just don’t get paid for any of it.

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

You don't. Just play your part and be thankful.

Btw, if he doesn't pay taxes and you stay at home who does? The fairy god mother?

As a SAHM, let me just say that my DH wanted me to stay home. It was very important to him, and very important to me. If he decides he wants a divorce and won’t do anything to fix our marriage, I don’t think I should get screwed financially. I have been out of work the last 20 years. He had been able to travel, go to work functions, network, etc. He has never had to miss a night of sleep, to take care of a sick kid, never had to go to a dr apt, school conference or playdate. He doesn’t do our lawn care, clean, pay our taxes, or pay any bills. He doesn’t cook, grocery shop, or do laundry. He doesn’t buy a single gift, plan a party, or keep track of social obligations. So yes, I have no monetary value, but my life made his life possible and because of that investment I made, I deserve half.

Anonymous wrote:After 20 years you will get alimony for life.

I hope this for you, OP!