Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why being able to make a decent meal is such a thing these days. We've only been doing this for 300,000 years. If your college aged kids can't make a good meal, you failed. That's both for boys and girls.

There is a lot of culture that goes into food. It's what creates communities. Teach your kids how to cook. Every 18 year old should know how to make a basic omelette. Very cheap. Pretty simple. It's not rocket science.

And if they can't, that just bad parenting or laziness. Would judge accordingly if a 20-something can't do the basics.

I know lots of women who pride themselves on not knowing how to cook, clean, sew a button, etc. They have rejected basic life skills that were formerly known as "women's work". Did their mothers fail them?

That’s different.

I doubt she knows only boys without life skills and all her female friends have them. People vary. You would think my kids were raised in different households-very different life skills because base don their strengths some skills came easier than others despite repetition and help.

Have a female sibling who went to a top ivy and she cannot cook, clean or manage much, but does make doctor's appointments and she manages her impressive line of work. She's middle age and expects people to cater to her like a princess.

Some of this is a function of that age. I (as a female) did my own laundry at that age, yes. My mom would do it for me when I came home for a visit- not because I couldn’t- but because she liked to help/spoil me a bit. I did not do any cooking at that age- why would I? I ate at the college dining hall, and when I moved into an apartment- ate sandwiches & fruit, or frozen things, mostly. Did I know how to cook? Yes. But I had no real reason to do so. Dr appointments? Most 20 year olds don’t have or need to make many dr appointments. I made my own appts to get yearly birth control prescription at the family planning clinic.

My DH was similar, from what I understand. We both cook, clean, and make our own medical appointments with no problem.

As for the mom’s comment- a lot of people are just plain socially awkward. Often those people rely on weird stereotypical comments like that. No sense reading so much into it.

My own teen sons (and my teen daughter) can do their own laundry, cooking, and make their own phone calls and appointments as needed. Yes, I do make their dentist appointments and whatnot, but once old enough to drive- they go alone, and manage their own daily schedules.

It's funny, right? Boys are the new girls. They are highly dependent on women for everything.

I'll be honest, OP, I'm scared for my ADHD kid's wife. I spend a lot of time teaching him life skills, but it's unclear any of it is sinking in. He can't/won't even brush his teeth in the morning unless I physically stand next to him and confirm that he is doing like he's 5.

Anonymous wrote:Anyone these days can download a YouTube video and learn stuff in 5 min. They don't need to know everything before leaving home.

You are correct. As a 55+ year old adult, many house repair items I do now was from watching YouTube videos. Cooking is much easier than replacing the water intake valve on a dishwasher, replacing toilet flappers and valves, replacing a ceiling fan, setting up a home wifi mesh network, installing Ring doorbell and replacing the old doorbell transformer, etc.. Not too worried about the knowledge part, but yes concerns about actually learning to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why being able to make a decent meal is such a thing these days. We've only been doing this for 300,000 years. If your college aged kids can't make a good meal, you failed. That's both for boys and girls.

There is a lot of culture that goes into food. It's what creates communities. Teach your kids how to cook. Every 18 year old should know how to make a basic omelette. Very cheap. Pretty simple. It's not rocket science.

And if they can't, that just bad parenting or laziness. Would judge accordingly if a 20-something can't do the basics.

I know lots of women who pride themselves on not knowing how to cook, clean, sew a button, etc. They have rejected basic life skills that were formerly known as "women's work". Did their mothers fail them?

Hope they make enough money to manage the staff!

Anonymous wrote:Op, there is way more than fixing a dinner and cleaning up a plate and utensils! Does your DD know how to use hedge-cutters? Can she replace the light bulbs in a lantern in the front yard? Can she use an air compressor to fill up the tires of the car? Does she know how to access and read the dipstick in the car to check all fluids? Can she use a caulk gun? Can she replace the water filters? Many, many life skills need to be taught to both sons and daughters.

That once in awhile stuff? Yes.
YouTube can help too.

But the planning and effort for a daily meal is different than recaulking your bathtub every few years.

What’s easier or less costly— Hiring a maid to drive over daily and cook and clean for you? Or hiring a repairman once or twice a year to do a short list of items?

Anonymous wrote:I have an ADHD/ASD/Anxiety boy. He’s still developmentally about 5 yrs behind his age. He can’t cook because he’s afraid that he will get burned. He struggles with the microwave because he needs explicitly instructions—not 30 sec and then see if it’s hot. He’s making progress with laundry but remembering to switch from wash to dryer is tough. He’s does not like talking to strangers. Even making doctors appts is overwhelming and he cannot fill out the necessary forms. He does not know what is relevant information and what is not.

I am trying but it is a struggle.

Is the dad any help.

Try to find a path for him that is simple and repetitive. Govt job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL has 4 boys no girls. The boys (now 19-24) all show up everywhere looking homeless. Their clothes are crumpled beyond recognition, they dont know how to get haircuts, the are a mess.

We don't shame kids for dressing how they like anymore. Shall we start judging the girls for their muffin tops, bra straps, short hems, and everything else that makes them look like slobs?

Slobs is unkept hair, dirty wrinkled clothes, Poor hygiene.
Nothing to do with body shape or undergarments or skirt length.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a “boy mom” in the sense that I have a couple of sons. They have been doing their laundry, cleaning their bathrooms, and doing the dishes every night since elementary school. They made me an outstanding meal for Mother’s Day.

OP’s sort of over-generalization is ludicrous at best.

Yes, I agree. I have sons who are very smart. They have good jobs and did very well in college. They know how to cook, clean, make dr's appointments and so on.

Are you worried that they will or will not find a nice responsible woman to date or possibly marry?

Anonymous wrote:My boys can do all of that. Now whether they actually do it is on them.

How cute and clever of them…. Can do something but won’t do it. So cute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why being able to make a decent meal is such a thing these days. We've only been doing this for 300,000 years. If your college aged kids can't make a good meal, you failed. That's both for boys and girls.

There is a lot of culture that goes into food. It's what creates communities. Teach your kids how to cook. Every 18 year old should know how to make a basic omelette. Very cheap. Pretty simple. It's not rocket science.

And if they can't, that just bad parenting or laziness. Would judge accordingly if a 20-something can't do the basics.

We don't eat eggs, so no point in learning how to make an omelette. But what everyone needs to learn is how to buy/get food economically and use it before it goes bad. The real crime is all the people who buy food and throw it out because it has rotted before it could be used.

You should still know how to cook eggs. I am a vegetarian and have been for 30+ years but I still know how to cook meat.

It seems dumb to me to focus on a specific food. At 18 I knew how to make many many dishes from scratch but not an omelette because I didn’t like them. I like them now and sometimes make them but only if I have fresh salsa. I think an omelette without salsa is basically inedible. I think so long as they know how to make half a dozen well balanced meals, that’s a good start. And I actually think what is most important is not necessarily knowing how to cook things but knowing that this is a knowable skill. My brothers didn’t cook much as teens but they saw my parents cooking so knew it was a very achievable goal. You can Google basically any recipe and figure it out. If you like to cook fresh food and have a budget, you’ll figure it out if you need to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does a 20yr old boy need to make a lot of dr appointments? It’s probably not his insurance and he is unlikely to have chronic health issues.

We have sick visits throughout the school year, my boys ask about when their annual check ups are and they are in ES and MS. They understand that going to the doctor is a normal part of life and them knowing that prepares them to have it as part of their young adult lives. You have to teach them just about everything - we as parents don't always remember how we learned it, so we don't teach it.

You have small children. A healthy 20 yr old man doesn't need a physical. What for?

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why being able to make a decent meal is such a thing these days. We've only been doing this for 300,000 years. If your college aged kids can't make a good meal, you failed. That's both for boys and girls.

There is a lot of culture that goes into food. It's what creates communities. Teach your kids how to cook. Every 18 year old should know how to make a basic omelette. Very cheap. Pretty simple. It's not rocket science.

And if they can't, that just bad parenting or laziness. Would judge accordingly if a 20-something can't do the basics.

I know lots of women who pride themselves on not knowing how to cook, clean, sew a button, etc. They have rejected basic life skills that were formerly known as "women's work". Did their mothers fail them?