Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 09:50     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. My youngest is a senior. DH has been mostly supportive. I do not regret being home but I have been unable to break back into the workforce. I tried a few years ago and didn’t land more than a handful of interviews and wound up very underemployed. Eventually, I quit. So make sure you understand the risks! Nowadays, it can be scary to depend on a man. I hope DD will keep working when she becomes a parent for her own security. I love DH but I would be in trouble if he walked out.

How did I get DH to support the idea? I didn’t set out to be a SAHM when we dated. My own mom worked. But I did always think it sounded like it could be nice so we bought our first home on one income so we’d have the option. When I did actually get pregnant, we realized how expensive a nanny would be relative to my salary, so we started to seriously consider my quitting. To reassure DH we could get by, we put all my salary in savings to see what life was like on one paycheck. It went well so we figured I’d stay home until K. It wasn’t without sacrifices. No fancy cars or trips. No shows or concerts. But we didn’t mind. However, the timeline reset with each child. DH really valued my contributions and how it made everyone’s life less stressful so it worked out. But in recent years with an uncertain economy and inflation, he has become understandably nervous. We are financially stable with college covered and reasonable retirement savings (though far from our goal). I think it’s a lot of stress for the sole earner. I admit I wouldn’t want my sons to be in that boat.


I’m always amazed by women on here and irl whose earning potential equals the one of a nanny. It’s almost fascinating how many low income women there are on this board. I’m glad you’re all finding husbands to support you, because otherwise it would be tough for you out there.


You make some weird assumptions. I wasn’t low income but nannies aren’t cheap and you need to pay payroll taxes on top of salary. You do that out of your post-tax income. In addition, my job involved other expenses like monthly parking and wardrobe. I would have still brought in income but it didn’t feel like enough to be worth being away from my baby 40 hours a week once all was said and done. For some people, it would have been and that’s fine too. Everybody has their own equation.


The staggering costs of SAH on your career projection and long term earning potential are long researched. It’s several million dollars of a lost lifetime income . While you are taking years off your own salary and retirement savings aren’t growing.

Great you either have a very wealthy husband for whom couple million is a sneeze to give you in case you divorce.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 09:31     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. My youngest is a senior. DH has been mostly supportive. I do not regret being home but I have been unable to break back into the workforce. I tried a few years ago and didn’t land more than a handful of interviews and wound up very underemployed. Eventually, I quit. So make sure you understand the risks! Nowadays, it can be scary to depend on a man. I hope DD will keep working when she becomes a parent for her own security. I love DH but I would be in trouble if he walked out.

How did I get DH to support the idea? I didn’t set out to be a SAHM when we dated. My own mom worked. But I did always think it sounded like it could be nice so we bought our first home on one income so we’d have the option. When I did actually get pregnant, we realized how expensive a nanny would be relative to my salary, so we started to seriously consider my quitting. To reassure DH we could get by, we put all my salary in savings to see what life was like on one paycheck. It went well so we figured I’d stay home until K. It wasn’t without sacrifices. No fancy cars or trips. No shows or concerts. But we didn’t mind. However, the timeline reset with each child. DH really valued my contributions and how it made everyone’s life less stressful so it worked out. But in recent years with an uncertain economy and inflation, he has become understandably nervous. We are financially stable with college covered and reasonable retirement savings (though far from our goal). I think it’s a lot of stress for the sole earner. I admit I wouldn’t want my sons to be in that boat.


I’m always amazed by women on here and irl whose earning potential equals the one of a nanny. It’s almost fascinating how many low income women there are on this board. I’m glad you’re all finding husbands to support you, because otherwise it would be tough for you out there.


You make some weird assumptions. I wasn’t low income but nannies aren’t cheap and you need to pay payroll taxes on top of salary. You do that out of your post-tax income. In addition, my job involved other expenses like monthly parking and wardrobe. I would have still brought in income but it didn’t feel like enough to be worth being away from my baby 40 hours a week once all was said and done. For some people, it would have been and that’s fine too. Everybody has their own equation.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 09:31     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. My youngest is a senior. DH has been mostly supportive. I do not regret being home but I have been unable to break back into the workforce. I tried a few years ago and didn’t land more than a handful of interviews and wound up very underemployed. Eventually, I quit. So make sure you understand the risks! Nowadays, it can be scary to depend on a man. I hope DD will keep working when she becomes a parent for her own security. I love DH but I would be in trouble if he walked out.

How did I get DH to support the idea? I didn’t set out to be a SAHM when we dated. My own mom worked. But I did always think it sounded like it could be nice so we bought our first home on one income so we’d have the option. When I did actually get pregnant, we realized how expensive a nanny would be relative to my salary, so we started to seriously consider my quitting. To reassure DH we could get by, we put all my salary in savings to see what life was like on one paycheck. It went well so we figured I’d stay home until K. It wasn’t without sacrifices. No fancy cars or trips. No shows or concerts. But we didn’t mind. However, the timeline reset with each child. DH really valued my contributions and how it made everyone’s life less stressful so it worked out. But in recent years with an uncertain economy and inflation, he has become understandably nervous. We are financially stable with college covered and reasonable retirement savings (though far from our goal). I think it’s a lot of stress for the sole earner. I admit I wouldn’t want my sons to be in that boat.


I’m always amazed by women on here and irl whose earning potential equals the one of a nanny. It’s almost fascinating how many low income women there are on this board. I’m glad you’re all finding husbands to support you, because otherwise it would be tough for you out there.

With overtime our nanny was averaging around $85,000 a year for our 3 kids, for the 8 years she worked with us. We offered benefits too. It’s nothing to sneeze at.


But the point is not how much you spend on nanny. The point is nanny’s salary was your own earning potential. If you were making $200k yourself you would have questioned the decision to stay home
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 09:18     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend (32) and I (30) just ended our relationship. I’m really heartbroken. We had been together for a year and were even discussing getting engaged and married. We talked about having kids too. We both want to have kids (2 and maybe 3).
I don’t want to put my kids in daycare. I want to be a stay-at-home mom until they start school.
He doesn’t agree with this plan. We both have jobs and earn about the same amount. I believe we could manage on one income.
After two months of arguing about this, we decided to break up.
This isn’t the first time I’ve ended a relationship because the guy wasn’t okay with the idea of me being a SAHM.

There are a lot of SAHM on this board. I really need your advice. How did you persuade your husband to let you stay home?
A friend told me to not bring it up while dating because it will scare men. She recommended waiting until after I’m married and have kids. She said that they will be open up to it once they have children. Is that the right approach

Are there still guys out there in the dating world who are okay with that?
Where do I find them?



Why would any man want that? It's a ton of pressure.

You don't want to be a true wife, you just want someone to finance your scheme.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 09:08     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. My youngest is a senior. DH has been mostly supportive. I do not regret being home but I have been unable to break back into the workforce. I tried a few years ago and didn’t land more than a handful of interviews and wound up very underemployed. Eventually, I quit. So make sure you understand the risks! Nowadays, it can be scary to depend on a man. I hope DD will keep working when she becomes a parent for her own security. I love DH but I would be in trouble if he walked out.

How did I get DH to support the idea? I didn’t set out to be a SAHM when we dated. My own mom worked. But I did always think it sounded like it could be nice so we bought our first home on one income so we’d have the option. When I did actually get pregnant, we realized how expensive a nanny would be relative to my salary, so we started to seriously consider my quitting. To reassure DH we could get by, we put all my salary in savings to see what life was like on one paycheck. It went well so we figured I’d stay home until K. It wasn’t without sacrifices. No fancy cars or trips. No shows or concerts. But we didn’t mind. However, the timeline reset with each child. DH really valued my contributions and how it made everyone’s life less stressful so it worked out. But in recent years with an uncertain economy and inflation, he has become understandably nervous. We are financially stable with college covered and reasonable retirement savings (though far from our goal). I think it’s a lot of stress for the sole earner. I admit I wouldn’t want my sons to be in that boat.


I’m always amazed by women on here and irl whose earning potential equals the one of a nanny. It’s almost fascinating how many low income women there are on this board. I’m glad you’re all finding husbands to support you, because otherwise it would be tough for you out there.

With overtime our nanny was averaging around $85,000 a year for our 3 kids, for the 8 years she worked with us. We offered benefits too. It’s nothing to sneeze at.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 08:57     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM. My youngest is a senior. DH has been mostly supportive. I do not regret being home but I have been unable to break back into the workforce. I tried a few years ago and didn’t land more than a handful of interviews and wound up very underemployed. Eventually, I quit. So make sure you understand the risks! Nowadays, it can be scary to depend on a man. I hope DD will keep working when she becomes a parent for her own security. I love DH but I would be in trouble if he walked out.

How did I get DH to support the idea? I didn’t set out to be a SAHM when we dated. My own mom worked. But I did always think it sounded like it could be nice so we bought our first home on one income so we’d have the option. When I did actually get pregnant, we realized how expensive a nanny would be relative to my salary, so we started to seriously consider my quitting. To reassure DH we could get by, we put all my salary in savings to see what life was like on one paycheck. It went well so we figured I’d stay home until K. It wasn’t without sacrifices. No fancy cars or trips. No shows or concerts. But we didn’t mind. However, the timeline reset with each child. DH really valued my contributions and how it made everyone’s life less stressful so it worked out. But in recent years with an uncertain economy and inflation, he has become understandably nervous. We are financially stable with college covered and reasonable retirement savings (though far from our goal). I think it’s a lot of stress for the sole earner. I admit I wouldn’t want my sons to be in that boat.


I’m always amazed by women on here and irl whose earning potential equals the one of a nanny. It’s almost fascinating how many low income women there are on this board. I’m glad you’re all finding husbands to support you, because otherwise it would be tough for you out there.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 08:55     Subject: Re:Stay at home mom
Why don’t you get a remote job? It’s so easy nowadays. No commute time plus seeing your kids during your lunch break and after school is the best. Honestly, what you’re proposing is intellectually lazy. I wouldn’t want that in a spouse. My ex didn’t work for a few years and became intellectually and emotionally unbearable. Getting divorced now, so glad to be out of that suffocating, angry and controlling relationship with what essentially was just a huge loser. And fwiw, most women and men become incredibly uninspired and uninspiring after 10+ years out of the workforce.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 08:55     Subject: Stay at home mom
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He’s worried that you’ll be a SAHM forever. Unless one spouse is making a really high income or you have family money it’s going to be tight to run a household with 3 kids.


OP here.
My mom was a SAHM. My dad was just middle class. They made it work.


Decades ago...

You sound really immature and relatively stupid so I assume you're a troll.

If not, find a man who wants a SAHM. Filter for that. They're out there, so go find it. And if you can't land a man who wants/will let you stay home, then reconsider your options.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 08:48     Subject: Stay at home mom
Save up as much as you can now. Your future potential husband may not realize how much it would cost to go back to work and send the infant to daycare($3k-$4k). Also, the minute the kid is around other kids, the fun begins with constant colds. The first 2 years of my kiddos lives I have saved on every possible thing. I breastfed my children so I havent spent a penny on formula. I also co slept. The clothes were given to me by my friends. I only bought carseat and a stroller.The first real bed - when my son was 2. Oh and diapers of course. Infants travel for free, so we took advantage of that and flew often in off season times.
With that being said, I was not a SAHM. I was an adult college student, then I began working PT with a nanny (she ate all my earnings.)

With the second - I stayed home for a year, brestfed him, co slept, clothes from my first one, etc. When he turned 1, I went back to work and had a combo of nannies, home daycares, friends helping out.

Motherhood is not easy in US. I dont know how women leave the newborns in daycares. Its so sad. You need a village to raise a kid. If your family is around, ask them for help. I am planning on helping my future grandkids as much as possible.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 07:32     Subject: Re:Stay at home mom
NEVER…..I repeat never wait until you are married w/kids to expect your husband to be okay w/you staying home full-time to raise your children.

Some men are okay w/it - - others not so much.
These things are best discussed prior to marriage ➕ kids obviously but I wouldn’t bring them up on a first date.

If you really want to stay home w/your future children then that is a decision that you feel strongly about and is important to your heart.

Do not let anyone talk you out of it >> you + your ex were just not compatible in this area unfortunately.

It is sad now but you will meet someone later on who will be on board w/your wish & you will someday look back and be thankful that you stuck to your guns on this!
Good luck! 👍🏽
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 02:31     Subject: Stay at home mom
You should date likeminded people and be honest about your vision of a family life.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2026 00:00     Subject: Stay at home mom
My wife works, and there are some advantages to having two careers—our 401k balances have grown far faster (we’ve both maxed out), and she gets regular interaction with other adults at work. She struggles with watching the kids and gets easily tired from them, so I’d much prefer that she work, and I do most of the childcare on the weekends. My wife also doesn’t really have much in the way of hobbies or interests, and her job at least fills that space for her. The disadvantages of two careers are that things like a child getting sick, a school closure, etc., throw the whole household into chaos, we’re always completely mentally exhausted, we frequently have to work late at night, and the children have bedtimes that are too late but can’t be moved earlier because of when we all get home from daycare and work.

If I were ever in a situation in which I were considering remarriage (God forbid) I would consider a woman who wanted to be a SAHM if she (1) already felt fulfilled from something else her in life, including Church, hobbies, etc.; (2) clearly wouldn’t feel like she was falling behind me as a result of staying at home—a marriage is a team effort, not a competition; and (3) planned to treat being a SAHM as a job as opposed to just hanging out at home, meaning that she’d keep things around the home moving on track.

My mom was a SAHM so I’m very comfortable with the arrangement if it’s done well. It’s just not for every woman.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2026 23:02     Subject: Re:Stay at home mom
Are you really sure this is what you want? I never thought I’d want to be a stay at home mom and I absolutely would not have done it with a newborn/infant, but I recently quit to stay home with my toddler (others are early elementary).

I think my husband would have been pretty uncomfortable if I’d wanted to stop working after our first, as we’d just bought a house and paid for a wedding and that would have left zero buffer. But 8 years later, we are in a much different place financially. I’ve worked for 15+ years and feel comfortable that I can eventually get back into the workforce.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2026 22:48     Subject: Re:Stay at home mom
When dating, within the first couple months I said, "just so you know, I don't know if I will settle into a career I'm passionate about or if I want to stay home once I have children. A partner would have to be ok with either choice I make."


This person might want to stay home, but wasn't completely sure. What she communicated was, it was going to be *her* decision. Needed a partner who understood that.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2026 22:44     Subject: Stay at home mom
I’m a SAHM. My youngest is a senior. DH has been mostly supportive. I do not regret being home but I have been unable to break back into the workforce. I tried a few years ago and didn’t land more than a handful of interviews and wound up very underemployed. Eventually, I quit. So make sure you understand the risks! Nowadays, it can be scary to depend on a man. I hope DD will keep working when she becomes a parent for her own security. I love DH but I would be in trouble if he walked out.

How did I get DH to support the idea? I didn’t set out to be a SAHM when we dated. My own mom worked. But I did always think it sounded like it could be nice so we bought our first home on one income so we’d have the option. When I did actually get pregnant, we realized how expensive a nanny would be relative to my salary, so we started to seriously consider my quitting. To reassure DH we could get by, we put all my salary in savings to see what life was like on one paycheck. It went well so we figured I’d stay home until K. It wasn’t without sacrifices. No fancy cars or trips. No shows or concerts. But we didn’t mind. However, the timeline reset with each child. DH really valued my contributions and how it made everyone’s life less stressful so it worked out. But in recent years with an uncertain economy and inflation, he has become understandably nervous. We are financially stable with college covered and reasonable retirement savings (though far from our goal). I think it’s a lot of stress for the sole earner. I admit I wouldn’t want my sons to be in that boat.