Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids get a budget for school clothes: $500 for the fall, $200 for a spring top up. They can spend it how they choose. They also get an allowance and can work around the house to earn more. What you daughter is actually asking for is more choice and independence.

Me again. I would not force my tween to wear things from target.

Same. Target is for elementary school children. Not high schoolers. Lululemon is expensive. There’s a lot in between. Try Brandy Melville, it’s inexpensive and girls usually like it.

I would give a budget $500, and let her get what she wants. Upgrade the backpack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being blunt here... What did you expect if you send her to an expensive private school? Do you drive expensive cars? What does that teach her?

Your kid doesn't know anything different. She is surrounded by wealth, and people who have expensive things. What did you expect?

I posted the first question asking if she attended private and this is what I was thinking. I suspected it wasn't her being just superficial. All kids want to do is fit in. You send her to school with kids she can't fit in with economically what do you expect? Not saying its resolved with public school depending on the neighborhood but publkc schools tend to be more economically diverse. If all the kids vacation in Europe, ski in Aspen or wear brand name clothes what do you think will happen? You have to put in the work to instill other values.

She is normal.

Anonymous wrote:Small correction she's almost 13 (just a few days away). Yes she's in private school. I've considered moving her. My wife disagrees with that plan.
Part of the struggle is I grew up without a lot i know what its like to have less than other kids.
However my kid has chosen to compare herself to people with levels of wealth that are well beyond normal. This seems like a recipe for unhappiness. We're trying to teach her that the "right" brands aren't the end all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the feedback. We are in the process of setting up a budget system that allows her more control. She's 13 and I suspect that she does want more independence. I dont understand why she's mad that we didn't pay full price for the Lululemon clothes.
Its like she's associating the quality with the cost. Which I can understand if the choice is between two different brands. Why would we not take advantage of a sale at a brand that usually costs more?
To the pp that asked about the phone. Yes, I think she consumes too much youtube (no TikTok) which is adding to the problem.
My bigger problem is that she doesn't seem to want to work for money. I've asked her what she's willing to do to earn spending money and she's yet to come up with anything.

At 13, she isn’t capable of earning much money beyond maybe a once off dog walking or something from a nice neighbor. Hold firm. Keep doing what you are doing and don’t cave to her consumerism. She is allowed to be angry and feel how she wants about it. However, she may not be disrespectful toward you because she is angry and if she is, give her consequences.

That's not true. There are several of my kids' friends who have regular babysitting jobs at that age, or afterschool type gigs teaching younger kids to play sports.

Other kids mow lawns, shovel snow, help neighbors with gardening etc. If she actually needed the money rather than getting it from the bank of mom and dad, she might be more inspired to work.[/quote

+1 My neighbor got DOGEd. His tween daughter has been babysitting for younger neighbor kids 3-4x a week after school. They need the money.