Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - - I do not think it is weird at all…..when my own kids were younger ➕ were living at home I used to feel the same way.

I looked forward to a time when I didn’t have the responsibilities associated with kids.
I.e., school/activity drop-offs ➕ pick-ups, doing their laundry, picking up after them, dealing with the noise & chaos of not only them but their friends at times too, etc.

They are now grown + I do love having a clean and orderly, quiet home.
I enjoy not having to take care of anyone (financially/physically/emotionally) but myself.

However there are many moments where I look back on the days when my kids were still at home and yearn for those moments.

So it is a toss up.
I have to constantly remind myself that this is the life I deserve now after sacrificing so much in the past.
Hopefully soon I can believe it❣️👍🏽

Which shows that no one really is ever 1000000% satisfied with the status quo.

Never.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always kinda wanted to be a middle aged woman. I admired their freedom and sense of self. 50’was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now 55 and loving it more and more each day. I’ve got my health issues, but still wouldn’t go back to 25 for all the money in the world.

+1 - the freedom I feel is so massive

Do you both have entirely grown and self-sufficient kids? 25 was SO much better for me. I had freedom and self of sense then more than now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

I understand and can relate to what PP is saying regarding this stage of life/child raising. We as parents have so much less influence and control over their decisions, as it should be, but when something goes wrong and it will, we are the ones called to help emotionally, physically, financially, etc.

All that said, no matter what age my young adult kids are their home is open to them 24/7 and I am so excited to have them back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have to cook for everyone. I feel like being 50ish is a pretty bad age tbh: empty nest but kids still so demanding and home a lot, aging parents with so many issues, and in my head I am selfish and don't want to take care of anyone but myself. Much much harder for me than the little kid years and no freedom like in my early 20s.

I still think it’s different than the kids being home every day. Also, please don’t think it’s your obligation to take care of your parents. I have made sure I have enough assets and plans in place where my kids will never have to take care of me. I think it’s such a burden on children and I simply don’t think it’s fair. People should not have kids with the hope that they will take care of them when they are old.

It's great you did that but my in-laws did no and dh will not abandon them so we'll have to at least help a lot logistically. I really meant more in terms of health worries though.

And as far as kids, this stage is different but imo it is actually more work and less enjoyable than even the high schools years: they are home much more when they are home (off school, dirtying the house all day long every day, eating so much food it is crazy). And sure, they will help if asked but it's not truly helpful because they still create much more work and want to do things on their timeline. For instance dd offered to go get groceries but that's happening when she feels like it after this and that and I'll need the groceries earlier.

It's all really surprised me because I thought being an empty nester was supposed to be great. It's really not: it's phone calls every day when things are not good, listening to their problems all the time (but of course, don't give advice because as mentioned on the adult children today as well, they just want to complain and complain!), they don't call much when things are going well so you don't get the fun debriefs...And then when they are not home, it's this weird feeling of freedom but not quite because so much money goes to them still so it's not like we don't have to be careful about our own spending. Idk...it sucks for me. Enjoy your little kids while you can!!! I sure did and I miss those years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always kinda wanted to be a middle aged woman. I admired their freedom and sense of self. 50’was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now 55 and loving it more and more each day. I’ve got my health issues, but still wouldn’t go back to 25 for all the money in the world.

+1 - the freedom I feel is so massive

Anonymous wrote:I always kinda wanted to be a middle aged woman. I admired their freedom and sense of self. 50’was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now 55 and loving it more and more each day. I’ve got my health issues, but still wouldn’t go back to 25 for all the money in the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were working junior year and senior through college and fully funding themselves. Some people have different values *shrugs*

How? With loans? That doesn't really make sense these days considering cost of college: what college kid earns 30k+?

I took this mean they are paying for their own meals out, spending money etc…not they were funding their college education. There are parents out here paying for their kids doordash etc…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 55.

I will assure you that getting older is not for the faint of heart. I had two crowns placed last week, and the thing they give you to bite to keep your mouth open while they were working on them caused a crack in another causing the need for another crown. Your body literally starts falling apart, even if you have always been very healthy and took great care of yourself. Don’t even get me started on menopause and hellish hot flashes or how our culture hates people over 45…

If your body is falling apart at 55 you need to figure out why because it’s simply not normal.

And as someone with crappy teeth genes, I have had dental stuff happen to my teeth from late teens/early 20s. That’s more genetic than anything having to do with age. I have pretty much resolved that by the time I am in my 60s I will probably have all implants. Really not the best example. some people are just not blessed with good teeth.

Also, you sound like a miserable person.

NP. I don't want to derail the thread, but as someone who also has crappy teeth genes, aging definitely makes the problem of crappy teeth worse. As you stated, some of us might have all dental implants by our 60s. This is a sign of one part of the body (i.e., the mouth) falling apart, as PP states. Not sure why you are defensive about PPs observation that having extensive dental problems is an unpleasant part of aging for many of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were working junior year and senior through college and fully funding themselves. Some people have different values *shrugs*

How? With loans? That doesn't really make sense these days considering cost of college: what college kid earns 30k+?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 55.

I will assure you that getting older is not for the faint of heart. I had two crowns placed last week, and the thing they give you to bite to keep your mouth open while they were working on them caused a crack in another causing the need for another crown. Your body literally starts falling apart, even if you have always been very healthy and took great care of yourself. Don’t even get me started on menopause and hellish hot flashes or how our culture hates people over 45…

If your body is falling apart at 55 you need to figure out why because it’s simply not normal.

And as someone with crappy teeth genes, I have had dental stuff happen to my teeth from late teens/early 20s. That’s more genetic than anything having to do with age. I have pretty much resolved that by the time I am in my 60s I will probably have all implants. Really not the best example. some people are just not blessed with good teeth.

Also, you sound like a miserable person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 and I look forward to all those things too! I think DH and I would be really happy in retirement in a tiny condo.

BUT....now that's I'm almost 50 I am dealing with back pain for the first time in my life. If I sleep weird or if I stand for too many hours at one of my kids' sporting events, my lower back becomes extremely unhappy about it. When I take my dogs for a walk and I pick up the poop, I gotta be real careful how I squat down and make sure my back is ramrod straight so it doesn't hurt me. It's not pleasant to deal with when I've never ever had to deal with pain before.

We can look forward to getting old because we are looking with rose colored glasses. The reality of aging bodies is quite another thing.

Major thread hijack, but get to a good chiropractor!
A good one will have you feeling better quite soon. They can work wonders.

They are literal quacks! See a proper physical therapist and try yoga. You probably need to work on your core.

Some are a little out there, but if you think proper spinal alignment isn't key for overall health, you really don't know what you're talking about.
A good chiropractor will look at things in total, and will advise/adjust as necessary.

Anonymous wrote:My kids were working junior year and senior through college and fully funding themselves. Some people have different values *shrugs*