Dating or f#cking?

There's a difference.

Men have zero loyalty.

All the widowers I know who had long term marriages ended up dating again almost immediately. And by that I mean weeks or months after their wife died.

It’s eye opening.

I'm widowed and I belong to a large group for widowed people in the DMV. I think it's a mix. Some men move on quickly, especially if the wife was ill for a long time. They experienced a lot of anticipatory grief and are almost relieve when it is over. Those men tend to move on quickly. There really isn't a rule though. Even men who move on quickly do not always bounce back very well in a new relationship. They may compare the new gf to their late wife or have grief attacks that someone who hasn't lost a spouse may not understand or feel comfortable with. I also do not like the expression 'moving on'. We usually say 'moving forward'. I wouldn't wish this road on anyone. It's really hard, but there can be happiness and love again.

I didn't wait at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who told me that their male friend lost his wife over the summer and they think we would be a good match? I feel like it’s way too soon for him. It hasn’t even been a year that his wife has been gone? Thoughts? I mean, I’m happy to do dinner or catch a movie or go sightseeing if he just needs a companion, but I feel like it’s way too early for him to start dating.

Men are not women. And within those men who aren't women is a wide variety of people. For some men (people), if he had a good marriage, or had a marriage where he was catered to, he might not like being alone. And he'll jump right back into a relationship because he is scared of being alone. Or because he is lonely. Or because he just doesn't know how to sit with himself.

His timeline is HIS TIMELINE. Not yours.

If we were close with the deceased and about the surviving kids, we are going to have an opinion about it. It's too much to ask young kids to process the grief over losing their mother and their feelings about their dad dating at the same time. The family needs time to grieve. It is reckless as a parent of young children to start dating soon after your children lose their mother. They need all of you.

Agreed. Wanting companionship is one thing, and moving on very quickly seems a little cold, but replacing childrens' recently deceased mom with a new wife is a big deal. Sometimes when you have kids you shouldn't just do things on YOUR timeline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my dad after my mom died (wife of almost 40 years) - 6 weeks. I am not saying it’s advisable.

Serious question, is that because he can’t cook?

No. My mom was not a particularly wonderful cook and my dad was happy to live on grilled cheese alone. His new wife is not a good cook - it’s like she started learning when she married my dad.

The minister at my church lost his wife to skin cancer and met and married another woman within a year from her death. She was not an AP, they literally didn't know each other when his first wife was alive.

He had 3 kids at home. The new wife is a lovely person, she had no kids. Was kind of weird but they're still married 20 years later.

My grandfather jumped pretty quickly into dating when my grandmother died. She'd been sick a long time and no one begrudged him finding someone who made him happy. Hell, she was a better wife than my grandmother and was a very welcome addition to the family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who told me that their male friend lost his wife over the summer and they think we would be a good match? I feel like it’s way too soon for him. It hasn’t even been a year that his wife has been gone? Thoughts? I mean, I’m happy to do dinner or catch a movie or go sightseeing if he just needs a companion, but I feel like it’s way too early for him to start dating.

Men are not women. And within those men who aren't women is a wide variety of people. For some men (people), if he had a good marriage, or had a marriage where he was catered to, he might not like being alone. And he'll jump right back into a relationship because he is scared of being alone. Or because he is lonely. Or because he just doesn't know how to sit with himself.

His timeline is HIS TIMELINE. Not yours.

If we were close with the deceased and about the surviving kids, we are going to have an opinion about it. It's too much to ask young kids to process the grief over losing their mother and their feelings about their dad dating at the same time. The family needs time to grieve. It is reckless as a parent of young children to start dating soon after your children lose their mother. They need all of you.