Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

I can't imagine being this litigious. Don't kid yourself you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for your ego

100%. OP sounds bitter and having remorse. I am sure she probably played major roles in the divorce too and she sounds controlling.

OP sounds sad. We have no idea what the circumstances of her divorce are. I was unceremoniously dumped. No discussion, just an announcement. Did I play a role leading up to that? Of course. I was a part of the marriage. But if someone doesn't tell you they're unhappy and actively conceals that, it's pretty damn hard to remedy a situation. And it is impossible to fix when your partner has already moved on. So it stung with XH left me and it stung even more when he introduced our kids to her. Early on, introduction of the girlfriend was a hill that I really wanted to die on because I was hurt and angry and wanted some movie-like outcome of "don't get mad, get everything?" Was I going to get it? No. Was I REALLY going to litigate something like that? Also no.

OP doesn't say anything about litigation or control or anything like that. She's asking what she can do. The answer is nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

I can't imagine being this litigious. Don't kid yourself you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for your ego

100%. OP sounds bitter and having remorse. I am sure she probably played major roles in the divorce too and she sounds controlling.

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

Women do the same thing. My ex wife did. At first I freaked out because we have a 9 years old daughter. Of course as a man I'm not supposed to question her choice.

Unfortunately not much you can do. At least as a woman you can question his actions and not get pushing back because supposedly women are always the better parent with the better judgement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our divorce was finalized just a month ago and I heard from my boys that my ex-husband brought a woman in the house that seems to be his gf during his parenting time. There is nothing in our agreement that says anything about this, so do I just stay silent? I feel deeply hurt that he is rushing into new relationships and is introducing kids to strange women, that he may not even plan to be in a long term relationship with or marry.

You’re not married to him, you don’t pay his bills, you have no say…

You’re right that she’s not married to him anymore but as a woman who had to pay alimony, you have no idea whether or not OP is paying his bills. I agree that she has no say but check your bias before you speak.

What difference does it make whether you're paying alimony or not?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Are you my mother?
You’ve bad mouthed my step mom for well over twenty years now.. All while happily re married.

You’ve managed to cause so much friction for no reason at all.

Yup.
This is what happens when women divorce thinking it was all his fault and she's going to teach him a lesson.
She's not worried about the kids well being people come in and out of kids lives all the time. What IP is really worried about is her kids bonding with another woman and her ex not being miserable.

Absolutely. This has been my life
All while stepmom has never mistreated me.
My mother also despises the fact that our kids have a very healthy relationship w her.

Ugh

Is stepmom your dad’s AP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Are you my mother?
You’ve bad mouthed my step mom for well over twenty years now.. All while happily re married.

You’ve managed to cause so much friction for no reason at all.

Yup.
This is what happens when women divorce thinking it was all his fault and she's going to teach him a lesson.
She's not worried about the kids well being people come in and out of kids lives all the time. What IP is really worried about is her kids bonding with another woman and her ex not being miserable.

Absolutely. This has been my life
All while stepmom has never mistreated me.
My mother also despises the fact that our kids have a very healthy relationship w her.

Ugh

It sucks and it stings, but unless you believe the person to be harmful to them, I would just grieve the crappiness of all of it and then do my best to be the steady parent your kids need.

Teach your kids healthy boundaries, how to self advocate, how to speak up for themselves, how to speak what's true for them, all of which will also help them navigate this new territory at dad's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how there can be so many shitty divorce attorneys running around and making a living. Every divorce agreement should include some language on guidelines that both parents agree to wrt exposing children to new partners. It is especially important for the divorcing couple to discuss this openly so that someone can explain to them that there is a real potential for children to be harmed by mishandling this. It's actually the fathers who need to be extra vigilant about ensuring that the exW does not allow men around children without a thorough vetting over several months because of the risk of sexual abuse. Statistically, it is much more likely that a strange man will abuse children than a woman would. I know so many people whose mother's boyfriends abused them or endangered them in other ways.

The lawyers aren’t shitty. They just know it’s not enforceable and don’t want their clients to be mad when there’s notbuju they can do

Exactly! I wish law would work on feelings than facts. Who knows that OP is bitter about something and feeling jealous and controlling now when her husband started dating and she can't.

The adults involved would ideally agree on how the kids will be introduced to/exposed to new partners. One could also reasonably think that for a transition period after the divorce, the exes would each focus on the kids first and work on setting up a new routine/stability with them rather than bringing people over during their time.

This should have been in your agreement for clarity of expectations. So, fault your lawyer. Also, try to set your hurt feelings aside on things like this, as it is unfortunately irrelevant to the question of what is appropriate/allowed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

I can't imagine being this litigious. Don't kid yourself you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for your ego

If can only be added if both spouses want this policy. Don’t you think men would sometimes prefer exes not being their boyfriends around daughters ?

Litigating is not needed normal parents follow the
agreed terms

If they can't make a marriage work why would you expect them to make a divorce work?

Some people parent better when divorced and actually care about their kids stability

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don't understand how there can be so many shitty divorce attorneys running around and making a living. Every divorce agreement should include some language on guidelines that both parents agree to wrt exposing children to new partners. It is especially important for the divorcing couple to discuss this openly so that someone can explain to them that there is a real potential for children to be harmed by mishandling this. It's actually the fathers who need to be extra vigilant about ensuring that the exW does not allow men around children without a thorough vetting over several months because of the risk of sexual abuse. Statistically, it is much more likely that a strange man will abuse children than a woman would. I know so many people whose mother's boyfriends abused them or endangered them in other ways.

The lawyers aren’t shitty. They just know it’s not enforceable and don’t want their clients to be mad when there’s notbuju they can do

Exactly! I wish law would work on feelings than facts. Who knows that OP is bitter about something and feeling jealous and controlling now when her husband started dating and she can't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

I can't imagine being this litigious. Don't kid yourself you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for your ego

If can only be added if both spouses want this policy. Don’t you think men would sometimes prefer exes not being their boyfriends around daughters ?

Litigating is not needed normal parents follow the
agreed terms

If they can't make a marriage work why would you expect them to make a divorce work?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

I can't imagine being this litigious. Don't kid yourself you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for your ego

If can only be added if both spouses want this policy. Don’t you think men would sometimes prefer exes not being their boyfriends around daughters ?

Litigating is not needed normal parents follow the agreed terms

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. Are you my mother?
You’ve bad mouthed my step mom for well over twenty years now.. All while happily re married.

You’ve managed to cause so much friction for no reason at all.

Yup.
This is what happens when women divorce thinking it was all his fault and she's going to teach him a lesson.
She's not worried about the kids well being people come in and out of kids lives all the time. What IP is really worried about is her kids bonding with another woman and her ex not being miserable.

Anonymous wrote:If there is a provision in the agreement that prohibits intruding kids to new partners this can in fact be enforceable financially. Let’s say, ex spouse would have to contribute more to college account if this “trigger event” happens. Or other benefits for the kids. For example, compensate the other spouse child care expenses or vacation expenses with kids.

People usually try not to break such clauses if this was agreed upon

I can't imagine being this litigious. Don't kid yourself you're not doing it for the kids. You're doing it for your ego