Anonymous
02/28/2026 11:10
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.
Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.
OP is in almost the exact opposite situation: their kid, knowing it’s his own money, seemingly wants to conserve it; the point of paying would be to induce the kid to choose a less-preferred, more expensive university.
OP.
Not quite: kid prefers a few T20 privates over state flagship, but is reluctant to spend the $$$ (flagship likely free).
We (parents) have no preference—just want kid to be happy.
This is one of the interesting aspects of the situation: kid has a preference but has tentatively concluded that the preference is not worth the price (if kid is paying).
So is it worth it if we’re paying?
That’s why we’re leaning towards sharing the cost.
If your kid thinks it's not worth it, it's probably not worth it.
My parents are Ivy grads. I didn't want to go to their school and I was liberal arts undecided as a high school student. I chose to go to a flagship.
My sibling went Ivy. We both got grad degrees from a flagship. Our salaries are now very even at mid-life despite different professions.
Therefore, I feel that my decision to go to a less highly-ranked school didn't affect my earning power at all.
Anonymous
02/28/2026 11:04
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Some of this depends on which state flagship, and your financial situation.
If we're talking about the University of Alaska (google tells me this is the lowest ranked state flagship) vs Harvard for (insert something Alaska isn't good at. I don't actually know)? I think that's a different calculation than if your kid is thinking of Michigan vs. Northwestern for engineering.
The other thing is, are you talking about "right now, I am in a good position to retire at 60 with a high quality of living and lots of luxuries, and this will push that to 62" or "I already expected to need to work into my 70's to keep a roof over my head and feed myself"?
Good state flagship (think UW or UGA) vs potential T15.
Retire comfortably at 61-62 vs retire comfortably at 63-64.
The retirement age makes no difference. It’s just two years. That would not come into play (for me).
Anonymous
02/28/2026 09:13
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Thanks for the additional information, OP. I was the poster who asked if you didn't save for college and moved your retirement up. With the situation as it stands, I think he should have some requirement to spend on his education. For my DD, she chose a expensive private college over a fine state school (Swat over W&M) just because she thought it was more prestigious. I told her we can afford it, but that means we probably cannot help as much with grad school. She has been very happy there and landed a paid internship after her second year due to a connection her college had. She has sometimes wished her college was a little larger, but overall is satisfied. My point is that your son needs to decide how important it is for him. I think there is no reason to die with piles of money and money should be spent on things we want to do and experience. I like the idea of going 50/50 if he chooses the more expensive option. If he isn't willing to part with any of his money (knowing the $50k a year for 40 years is worth $10M if invested each year) then he doesn't really want to go to the more expensive school.
Anonymous
02/28/2026 08:56
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.
Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.
OP is in almost the exact opposite situation: their kid, knowing it’s his own money, seemingly wants to conserve it; the point of paying would be to induce the kid to choose a less-preferred, more expensive university.
OP.
Not quite: kid prefers a few T20 privates over state flagship, but is reluctant to spend the $$$ (flagship likely free).
We (parents) have no preference—just want kid to be happy.
This is one of the interesting aspects of the situation: kid has a preference but has tentatively concluded that the preference is not worth the price (if kid is paying).
So is it worth it if we’re paying?
That’s why we’re leaning towards sharing the cost.
How much of an understanding of the money situation does your kid have? I have one child who could have a trillion dollars and would still not want to spend the money because of anxiety. I think it's hard for kids who have never had to pay bills to understand large amounts of money and what it means to spend money/not spend money/have enough.
If you think kid would be happy at the not-free school, I would help them understand what it means to have a guaranteed income of $50k for life and what their options might be if they save vs don't save.
Anonymous
02/28/2026 07:40
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Offer to split the cost - then you’ll see where he really wants to go. He’s so lucky - why make him sacrifice, even a little, on something as important as college when he doesn’t have to? A top 20 college, while unnecessary, is also not a frivolous expenditure.
Anonymous
02/27/2026 22:18
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.
Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.
OP is in almost the exact opposite situation: their kid, knowing it’s his own money, seemingly wants to conserve it; the point of paying would be to induce the kid to choose a less-preferred, more expensive university.
OP.
Not quite: kid prefers a few T20 privates over state flagship, but is reluctant to spend the $$$ (flagship likely free).
We (parents) have no preference—just want kid to be happy.
This is one of the interesting aspects of the situation: kid has a preference but has tentatively concluded that the preference is not worth the price (if kid is paying).
So is it worth it if we’re paying?
That’s why we’re leaning towards sharing the cost.
It sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and understands the value of money. He can't go wrong either way. I would choose the free school and it sounds like he would too.
Anonymous
02/27/2026 22:17
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If he has $350k in a college fund, he should definitely look at other schools that he's more excited about. I don't understand why he wouldn't? Why save the money for an unknown grad school that they aren't even sure if they'll want to pursue? Cross the grad school funding when needed and use the $350 for the college that he wants
$350k is cash. So they can use that for future home or to start a biz, etc.
Plus $100k education only fund.
Plus $50k (adjusted for inflation) for life.
I would have them choose the path they want to walk but I wouldn’t fund my kids school if they got the above gifts if it meant pushing retirement back by years.
The gift your kid got is special and doesn’t come along everyday. Your kid should decide how they want to invest their dollars. If state public for potential full ride means save their money for grad school then you can be good with them not shooting for a higher ranked school and them having to pay for it out of their inheritance (or you having to pay for it).
Anonymous
02/27/2026 22:17
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
What does your kid really want? Sounds like your state flagship is a good school, but is it a good fit for your child? What do they want to major in, and does your state school have good programs in that area of study?
How big of a school does your child want? I think it would be valuable to do some tours and visit some of these schools, see what the best fits actually are. And if that’s a T20, then do what you can to make it happen for them. Your kid can work during the summers, be an RA and contribute if they decide to go the private route. And echoing what other posters have pointed out, getting into T20s is honestly a lottery, so no guarantees there. Look outside of the rankings, too- your kid might just discover a great fit school, perfect for their major, that gives strong merit aid. A smart, driven kid will thrive in almost any good educational environment, as long as they’re happy.
How big of a school does your child want? I think it would be valuable to do some tours and visit some of these schools, see what the best fits actually are. And if that’s a T20, then do what you can to make it happen for them. Your kid can work during the summers, be an RA and contribute if they decide to go the private route. And echoing what other posters have pointed out, getting into T20s is honestly a lottery, so no guarantees there. Look outside of the rankings, too- your kid might just discover a great fit school, perfect for their major, that gives strong merit aid. A smart, driven kid will thrive in almost any good educational environment, as long as they’re happy.
Anonymous
02/27/2026 21:30
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
The $50,000 per year for the rest of his life is what is making me think that he should pay for his entire college education. Life is full of hard choices and he can decide to use some of the 350 on college, or he could even take out a loan and use the 50,000 over the next five or six years to pay back what he needs to. I don’t think that you should give your retirement up. Your child was given a huge gift and you should get some benefit of that gift too.
Anonymous
02/27/2026 21:30
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So kid would rather use your money instead of theirs? Let them attend state flagship. They are smart, so should you.
OP here.
To be clear, kid not asking and has no expectations.
OTOH, if kid had *not* received this inheritance, we would certainly have offered to help them pay for college or grad school, wherever they decided to attend.
Does that change your answer?
I guess I don’t understand.
The kid has the money to do exactly what they want. They control their inheritance and they can choose to spend it on education. In fact this is a great way for them to decide what matters to them.
Why would you delay retirement to give your kid even more money?
Anonymous
02/27/2026 21:24
Subject: Re:WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
If he inherited $100k as an education fund "very young," why has it not grown?
Anonymous
02/27/2026 21:12
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kid needs to get accepted first, they may not have a choice between state flagship and a T20 private.
There is this - it’s gotten impossibly competitive
Of course. But they will likely ED/REA if they decide to pursue top 20, so they need to know financial situation.
Anonymous
02/27/2026 21:10
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Kid needs to get accepted first, they may not have a choice between state flagship and a T20 private.
There is this - it’s gotten impossibly competitive[/quote
Of course. But they will likely ED/REA if they decide to pursue top 20, so they need to know financial situation.
Anonymous
02/27/2026 21:09
Subject: WWYD: Weird Paying for College Situation
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I sort of had a similar situation. I was accepted into some fancy private schools but I had a full ride to UVA (I actually made money with scholarships). My parents said they’d give me 10k (this was 20 years ago) and a brand new car if I chose the flagship. I chose UVA and had an incredible college experience. I was able to use my inheritance from my grandpa on grad school.
Free is free and money is fungible. I would choose the free option again. I had a very nice down payment on my forever home at 27 due to it. Besides that, I loved the big school experience. It fit me very well.
OP is in almost the exact opposite situation: their kid, knowing it’s his own money, seemingly wants to conserve it; the point of paying would be to induce the kid to choose a less-preferred, more expensive university.
OP.
Not quite: kid prefers a few T20 privates over state flagship, but is reluctant to spend the $$$ (flagship likely free).
We (parents) have no preference—just want kid to be happy.
This is one of the interesting aspects of the situation: kid has a preference but has tentatively concluded that the preference is not worth the price (if kid is paying).
So is it worth it if we’re paying?
That’s why we’re leaning towards sharing the cost.