It’s crazy to me that you are making your brother’s day about you and implying your parents should put your wishes and desires above yours on HIS special day (that you said you’re upset your parents seem to support his decision to have a child free event). Of course they would support him in this type of decision given it’s his and his wife’s special day- my siblings and I have different views and I would very much expect my parents to support them in this type of decision. I have three very young kids and I would not want to take them to this type of event most likely (I like others would leave them home with my husband or a friend for as long as possible for the local event and would skip the destination wedding). I enjoy weddings with kids- but it definitely changes the dynamic more than a pretty guest. The conversations all trend towards kids and comments about their cuteness rather than other things. I respect that some people prefer child free weddings. Also, I say this as nicely as possible, but given how you’re reacting to your brother making this decision, perhaps he’s worried if your kids are at the events there will be other things that upset you relating to the kids (people were too loud for the kids, there wasn’t appropriate food or seating for the toddler, there wasn’t somewhere private for you to nurse, etc.) and he just doesn’t want to have to deal with these types of complaints at the event.

Anonymous wrote:Brother is getting married. I am married with 2 kids (2yo and 1mo). We aren't particularly close, I don't have issues with him but I know he doesn't care for me much. He is getting married in two "parts":

1. Local courthouse wedding after which my parents are hosting and paying for a small dinner (~15 people) at a restaurant. Parents invited me then I said "great the 4 of us will be there". They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them". With a 3mo old at the time that will need to breastfeed every 1-2hrs this isn't really realistic. I've asked if there's any flexibility for our infant and have not heard back. Nobody else in the group has kids under 18 let alone an infant so this seems quite targeted at us at my brother's behest. My parents have long had favoritism/pleasing this brother at all costs issues.

2. Destination wedding in Western Europe. Smaller wedding and also none of the guests have minor children. Very clear on the wedding website "THIS IS NOT A CHILD-FRIENDLY EVENT" in all caps. We will probably not go.

Am I right to be a little put off? Obviously it's 100% your right to have a child-free wedding but it just seems very targeted at us, and I'm probably more disappointed my parents are going along with brother excluding his niece and nephew from both events.

Get a grip OP. Do you really think your 2 year old niece and 3 month old nephew aren’t invited because they’re not wanted or valued as a part of the family? They’re excluded because these are important adult celebrations - not suitable for diaper wearing spitters and shitters.

Your kids will see these family members for the holidays in a more casual setting later this year surely.

3 months is still really early and in a stage where they're harder to care for and they eat more often making pumping tricky. It's much much easier to go out for a few hours when a kid is just a couple months older and is consolidating sleep and eating more.

Given there are two events here, making both pretty impossible for you to attend is a choice here. I got married when my nephew was an infant and I trusted my brother and SIL to handle him, and he wasn't disruptive. They took him out when he was fussy and it wasn't a big deal. He mostly slept.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this wedding is about the couple, not you.

They want to have an enjoyable, memorable dinner that is about their marriage.

If you come with a toddler and 3 month old, the kids will act up, everyone will fuss over the baby - it will be all about your kids. And your brother knows it.

Fine to skip the destination wedding. Go to the dinner but leave your husband at home with the kids. Stay for an hour and then go back home if you need to.

'

Some people are so interesting. I cannot imagine anyone I know feeling jealous of and not wanting their niece/nephew at a huge family event because people will say they're cute. Especially since it sounds like the main event is all adult. And of course it's destination. It all makes sense. I know someone who had a destination wedding and said no +1s unless married. Lolol. Send your regards and don't worry about it again.

Agree, like what if you had a stunningly beautiful adult female relative, or a relative with some degree of success or celebrity who might take attention from the couple... you can invite who you want but these would be considered absolutely ridiculous reasons.

No. It's different. Babies are annoying in a formal dinner setting. They will be acting up and people will PRETEND to fuss over them, but really most people will find them annoying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your brother. He's a typical clueless newlywed, doesn't know about the breastfeeding, and probably doesn't care. There are many like him!

Kids make weddings so joyful and spontaneous, and I wanted all my baby relatives at my wedding! But I grudgingly accept that others might not share this love of multi-generational gatherings. It's his call, in the end.

Ok. Thanks for acknowledging that crying babies in the wedding aren't universal signs of joy.

PP you replied to. I have never attended a wedding where a baby cried. And I have attended MANY weddings, ALL of which were kid-centric.

Blows your little mind, doesn't it?

Anonymous wrote:It is hurtful but just don't go. Clearly he doesn't care about whether you can attend. Let them have their Instagram party.

This.

A friend watched my then 11 week old and 3 month old so I could go to another friends wedding. We weren’t comfortable with a sitter but we were comfortable with (and very grateful to!) our friend. We were gone maybe 4 hours. She didn’t end up needing to give him a bottle.

If it were my brothers wedding I’d find a way to go to the dinner. I’d skip the destination.

Decline, breastfeeding or not, I wouldn't leave an infant. Destination wedding after being married, just no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the local dinner, I would try to get a sitter for the kids if you have an established sitter or have your DH stay with the kids. Pump so the baby has a bottle if they need it.

I would skip the destination wedding.

+1. No one can plan around your pregnancy, sorry. I know that sounds harsh, but it's your second kid. Get a sitter or leave your husband at home with the kids.

But they obviously can "plan around' and let a sibling bring a young infant. No one is saying they should schedule the timing of the wedding around her.

With doesn't the "no need to care about others" attitude apply to OP too, she can just skip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of relatives are always included even if it is a "no-kids" wedding. Hire a few baby sitters etc, hire a adjacent room etc. This is big fuxing bs excuse.

Are the grown ups fornicating at the wedding that kids are not allowed? Relatives Kids are always allowed and parents whisk them off when they start to cry etc. Parents make it happen.

OP - Do not go. I am shocked that you still want a relationship with your side of the family. Lean into your DH's side of the family and the grandparents.

This is such BS. Plenty of people have kid and baby free weddings.

I am sick of people acting like their kids are entitled to go to other people's weddings. People hire babysitters and put their kids in day cares etc for all sorts of things! But for some reason, they can't leave them alone for a few hours to go to a wedding? It's ridiculous.

Get over yourself, OP. This day isn't about you and your babies who are way too young to remember this wedding. You sound self centered, which is why your brother doesn't like you.

It's not "a few hours" in most cases if there is travel etc involved, most weddings are not local. But I'm happy to just decline. And I don't make comments but sorry we can judge whatever we want.

In this case it's her own sibling so I can see why it hurts more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of relatives are always included even if it is a "no-kids" wedding. Hire a few baby sitters etc, hire a adjacent room etc. This is big fuxing bs excuse.

Are the grown ups fornicating at the wedding that kids are not allowed? Relatives Kids are always allowed and parents whisk them off when they start to cry etc. Parents make it happen.

OP - Do not go. I am shocked that you still want a relationship with your side of the family. Lean into your DH's side of the family and the grandparents.

This is such BS. Plenty of people have kid and baby free weddings.

I am sick of people acting like their kids are entitled to go to other people's weddings. People hire babysitters and put their kids in day cares etc for all sorts of things! But for some reason, they can't leave them alone for a few hours to go to a wedding? It's ridiculous.

Get over yourself, OP. This day isn't about you and your babies who are way too young to remember this wedding. You sound self centered, which is why your brother doesn't like you.

Finally this!

Exactly.

All the people who told their close relatives no kids are suuper defensive about their choice lol. Yikes!

Totally understand not wanting 30 kids around. But my nieces are important to me and so is my sister. Why would I plan the biggest day of my life so it doesn’t include them and makes everything so inconvenient? Very strange. The marriage is about the couple and their community. But you do your bridezilla/groomzilla thing.

OP, bottom line, you and your brother aren’t close or it would not be like this. I’m sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your brother. He's a typical clueless newlywed, doesn't know about the breastfeeding, and probably doesn't care. There are many like him!

Kids make weddings so joyful and spontaneous, and I wanted all my baby relatives at my wedding! But I grudgingly accept that others might not share this love of multi-generational gatherings. It's his call, in the end.

That's one word for it...

Anonymous wrote:For the local dinner, I would try to get a sitter for the kids if you have an established sitter or have your DH stay with the kids. Pump so the baby has a bottle if they need it.

I would skip the destination wedding.

+1. No one can plan around your pregnancy, sorry. I know that sounds harsh, but it's your second kid. Get a sitter or leave your husband at home with the kids.

OP, you should absolutely decline.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Children of relatives are always included even if it is a "no-kids" wedding. Hire a few baby sitters etc, hire a adjacent room etc. This is big fuxing bs excuse.

Are the grown ups fornicating at the wedding that kids are not allowed? Relatives Kids are always allowed and parents whisk them off when they start to cry etc. Parents make it happen.

OP - Do not go. I am shocked that you still want a relationship with your side of the family. Lean into your DH's side of the family and the grandparents.

This is such BS. Plenty of people have kid and baby free weddings.

I am sick of people acting like their kids are entitled to go to other people's weddings. People hire babysitters and put their kids in day cares etc for all sorts of things! But for some reason, they can't leave them alone for a few hours to go to a wedding? It's ridiculous.

Get over yourself, OP. This day isn't about you and your babies who are way too young to remember this wedding. You sound self centered, which is why your brother doesn't like you.

Finally this!

Exactly.