Anonymous
03/03/2026 16:15
Subject: Re:Should I continue dating?
Anonymous wrote:If OP is in DC, $150K is not enough to raise a child on your own here unless you've got family money or family that is nearby and willing/able to provide childcare and maybe even housing. In addition to covering the current expenses of baby care, you need to be saving enough so that you won't be a burden on the child when you retire, and on top of that, you need to be saving enough for them to attend college in 20 years. It's already about $30K/year for a kid to live on campus at the local in-state public university.
OP needs to understand that two people earning what she and her BF make together will go much farther than one person carrying 100% of the costs. Two really do live more cheaply than one.
Your math is not correct. DC law doesn’t require men to pay for college . It’s not guaranteed he would be willing to, unless it’s in prenup.
Since he has a larger extended family the additional income that he brings would be partially negated by the need to have a bigger house/mortgage. While a single mom can live with her baby in 1brm apartment with a den just fine.
So I would say if he was making at least 200k that would be sizable add-on income-wise. But given his age, low income and potential for him becoming OPs dependent in older age, he’s not an ideal candidate for marriage
Anonymous
03/03/2026 16:05
Subject: Re:Should I continue dating?
If OP is in DC, $150K is not enough to raise a child on your own here unless you've got family money or family that is nearby and willing/able to provide childcare and maybe even housing. In addition to covering the current expenses of baby care, you need to be saving enough so that you won't be a burden on the child when you retire, and on top of that, you need to be saving enough for them to attend college in 20 years. It's already about $30K/year for a kid to live on campus at the local in-state public university.
OP needs to understand that two people earning what she and her BF make together will go much farther than one person carrying 100% of the costs. Two really do live more cheaply than one.
OP needs to understand that two people earning what she and her BF make together will go much farther than one person carrying 100% of the costs. Two really do live more cheaply than one.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 22:37
Subject: Should I continue dating?
I will add, searching salaries are generally three years or so behind the actual. At his age he should be at the top of the scale for his grade.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 22:34
Subject: Should I continue dating?
As an fyi, if he is a fed you can google his salary, it is a public record so you do not need to guess.
It is unclear if he has child support obligations, that would surprise me.
Your combined income is more than enough to raise a family, but the real question is whether (1) he wants that in his future, and (2) your values are aligned and it’s enough given your values and goals.
You won’t know until you talk to him, and if you cannot have conversations about serious topics I suggest you don’t get married and have a child.
It is unclear if he has child support obligations, that would surprise me.
Your combined income is more than enough to raise a family, but the real question is whether (1) he wants that in his future, and (2) your values are aligned and it’s enough given your values and goals.
You won’t know until you talk to him, and if you cannot have conversations about serious topics I suggest you don’t get married and have a child.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 18:18
Subject: Re:Should I continue dating?
It seems like OP's BF's kids would be older teens or even college students by now. Child support isn't even on the table, and if it still is, it will end soon. (He is 48 and these kids were already born when he married their mom 15 years ago.)
"39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially."
"39 year old recently started dating a 48 year old man. He married a woman in his early thirties who already had two little kids and helped raise them and provide for them financially."
Anonymous
03/02/2026 10:47
Subject: Re:Should I continue dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you want kids you don’t need a man to make that happen.
Well, then she'd be raising a kind on $150k, and she didn't think $280k combined was enough!
That's not 280K combined. Thats her 150K plus his 120K minus 30%*120=84,000 (net of his expenses on kids from prior marriage). So she would be contributing almost double into joint point than him, and he will have much less time available towards their joint kids, vacations etc. Plus OP is on hook for alimony/child support to him, should marriage fall apart. They would certainly buy a house/rent a bigger place so his extra marginal contribution would be "eaten" by these higher mortage/rental expenses to accommodate the large family, his kids visiting etc.
I think OP is better off financially raising one kid at a smaller apartment and bears zero risk of loosing custody, CS or alimony