Anonymous wrote:I had to sell my place. I had so many people that were friends of my sister and brother in law that wanted to stay there. I did not know these people.

I sold and I'm still sad about it.

This can't be real. You sold your home because people asked to stay with you? It was easier to sell it and move somewhere you didn't want to live than it was to say no, you don't want to host?

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

You know us so well Op! Because that is the only and correct answer.

I had to sell my place. I had so many people that were friends of my sister and brother in law that wanted to stay there. I did not know these people.

I sold and I'm still sad about it.

Anonymous wrote:By secretly resenting just the act of asking, too many people are actually on a power trip. They deny the asker a genuine answer while they get to make fun of them.

Say no if your preference is no. I try to be of the mindset that anyone can ask anything. I'm not faulting them for asking something, no matter what it is. And I will say yes or no. And it will be genuine, without drama. That neither of us will hold resentment going forward, or snicker to others about, "how dare they ask to ..."

If instead someone holds resentment re: the no, so be it.

The rude people who ask never accept no and they stay mad about it because they are entitled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? Who is offering your home? This is so odd.

Agree on a white lie.

It is not that odd to many people. Maybe to anti community DCUM people

What an insane and rude response. You offer people to stay at homes you don't own? How impressiveley rude and crass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

Open hearts, open doors. All are welcome

I dont believe this for 2 seconds. Hilarious.

I don’t understand why you cannot just laugh and say “no, I’m not interested in hosting someone I don’t (or barely) know.” This would be so ludicrous to me.

I haven’t read everything so this may already have been said.

The think you said you have a family. I’d say no because while you’re fine hosting people you know, it isn’t a safe practice in general
To start hosting people you do NOt know. If you make an exception for one person’s friend then you have to make an exception for every in’s friends. It isn’t safe with kids. It isn’t about this one particular guest, obviously.

Nope, white lies and “nuance” responses to an inappropriate request that you will not say yes to in the future is likely to yield future problems. People who are rude, entitled, and/or clueless enough to make a request like this do not pick up on nuance. They only see an opening. They will either try to help you solve the white lie to get to “yes” or make the same request in the future.

No or no we would not be willing to do this is a far kinder response and likely to yield a better future relationship. If the other person throws a fit then the reality is that your relationship only goes as far as you can transactionally provide things to them, which is a toxic relationship.

Sorry, I'm the most recent pp, who just wrote a novel, lol

You could also just say more vaguely, this is not a good time for me. It's a great, all-purpose weak excuse!

In similar situations, I have offered the following excuses, which sometimes were true:

- I have a work deadline and can't spare the time or energy
- I have had houseguests for the last x days or week and really can't handle any in the near future
- I am expecting family or friends as houseguests the following week and need to prep the space and save my time, energy, etc.
- I am feeling run down or have minor health issue xyz

I've only been asked once in my life to host a friend of a friend, but I have had friends ask too often. I wanted to let them down gently.

(Fwiw, I would say a plain, direct no with no follow up excuses if you never want to be asked to host a friend of a family or a friend of a friend. If it were me, I'd probably just explain like at least one previous pp that I don't "do" such houseguests and would probably add that while I'd love to see family member x who I'd love to see so much that I'd go through any amount of trouble to squeeze them in, it's too disruptive to do this for someone I don't know. If your space isn't huge and you work at home, anyone reasonable would understand. Doubly so if you live in a popular location. Anyone who is pushy after that would get from me a harsh no, as well as time out from their own visits, because I do not like people who push boundaries.)

I make it clear the answer is always no. I would calmly say no, that doesn't work for us and we do not want to be asked in the future to host people who aren't family or our personal friends.You will learn a lot about the askers by how they respond to this.

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

“F no.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:friends of family members?

I do and it puts me in a very awkward position, especially because hosting for them is often much easier.

But my space is small, I work a lot and it is a big imposition. I don’t have a rehabbed basement I can send people to.

How do you handle? Obviously I know many snarky people will respond ‘just say no’ but I like to keep family dynamics as positive as possible. So a little nuance would help.

It’s not snarky, you really just say no.

“Hi Aunt Jane. I’m sorry I am not able host your friends.”

You don't even need to say "I'm sorry." There's nothing to be apologetic about.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No" is the kind response. You mess-up the dynamic when you are not genuine. People know. It's much worse for relationships. You When you fib. Or when you are resentful, and think it doesn't show. It does. No magic words, Op. You don't get to craft this response and fool people into thinking you mean something else.

Nah, there are ways to decline more elegantly. White lies exist for a reason.

White lies are stupid and they only cause more problems. OP doesn't have to scream no! into the phone and then slam down the receiver (remember the good old days when you could do that?!?). She can just say no.