Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I quit a great job on account of stress and looking back, it was more lack of grit and common sense than mental health.

This is 99% of the problem with 20 somethings today. You can see it coming all over these boards with the things ppl post about their high school and college age kids.

Such fast quitters. Yikes

Don’t talk with others so no perspective other than online posts.
No healthy coping skills.
No conflict resolution or communication skills.
Coddled to no end.

Sounds like a troll post

Overly dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:My 22-year-old son graduated from college in March 2025 and landed a very high-paying job—$170K plus stock options—with an AI startup. He left the job after only three months because, according to him, it was impacting his mental health. He has not worked for the past six months. Currently, he is living at home and spends most of his time at the gym, learning Spanish, and playing golf, guitar, and piano.

My husband wants him to get a job and move out of the house, but my son says he wants to spend another year 'finding' himself. My husband and son argue all the time over this; on Monday, it got so heated that my husband told him to leave. My son left and moved in with my estranged father, whom I have not spoken to in twenty years (I am his only child). My husband has asked me to talk to my father and ask him to kick my son out so that he is forced to find a job and live independently.

What would you do?

Yeah I would talk to my father unless he’s a total a-hole who wants to break the family and enable your unemployed Peter Pan son.

I've made a few comments on this thread and asked OP for the update. OP, your first order of business is to get on the same page as your husband -- whatever that "same page" is. I do not think he should have kicked out your son because it put ALL of you in this terrible position. How can you approach your father or your son when you and your husband are not in agreement about what to do next? Your husband should have talked to you BEFORE he kicked your son out and made sure it was something that YOU agreed with. Now your relationship with your son is going to suffer and be very different moving forward, and it's the consequence of your husband's actions. It's also put you in a bad position of having to talk to your father, whether you want to or not. He acted out of anger and frustration, and your son is an adult now. He can do whatever he feels comfortable doing moving forward. Your father sounds very supportive of your son as he navigates the next steps.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Checking for an update from OP?

I spoke yesterday with my aunt, who is my father’s younger sister, and she told me that my DS is currently staying with my father. My father told my aunt that DS could stay with him indefinitely until he figures out what he wants to do with his career. In the meantime, DS can spend whatever he wants, and my father will pay for it.

I asked DH to call DS and ask him to come home so we can work things out between us, but DH said no. I am really missing my DS. I haven’t spoken to my father in years because of the horrible things he put my mother through, but I may have to talk to him for the sake of my DS.

Where did you get the bizarre idea that you have the right to tell your father, who you haven't spoken to in years, to kick your 22-year-old son out for his own good? If he was mooching off a girlfriend or wife, would you feel entitled to tell her to dump him? If he found an apartment for way under market rent, would you feel entitled to tell the landlord to evict him? If, god forbid, he were in a homeless shelter, would you try to make them put him on the street?

You don't get to veto your adult son's relationships with other people because you "miss" him.

Anonymous wrote:I quit a great job on account of stress and looking back, it was more lack of grit and common sense than mental health.

This is 99% of the problem with 20 somethings today. You can see it coming all over these boards with the things ppl post about their high school and college age kids.

Anonymous wrote:Checking for an update from OP?

I spoke yesterday with my aunt, who is my father’s younger sister, and she told me that my DS is currently staying with my father. My father told my aunt that DS could stay with him indefinitely until he figures out what he wants to do with his career. In the meantime, DS can spend whatever he wants, and my father will pay for it.

I asked DH to call DS and ask him to come home so we can work things out between us, but DH said no. I am really missing my DS. I haven’t spoken to my father in years because of the horrible things he put my mother through, but I may have to talk to him for the sake of my DS.

Checking for an update from OP?

It's not ideal that he quit the job before he had another one lined up, but he must have been at his breaking point. I would not have kicked him out. Now you cannot "parent" him. He can make his own decisions, he is on his own, and it does not sound like he has the best judgment. Just be prepared to handle the consequences of his actions, knowing you were not there to weigh in and maybe help change these outcomes. It's up to him now if and how much he communicates with you. The lines of communication would have been wide open if he was under your roof. I think your husband messed up.

I wouldn’t be too happy if my son walked away from such a great opportunity as this job was and then decided that he wanted to do nothing instead.

I think it was acceptable that he was kicked out of the house…..no one wants to support their 22YO child who does not want to work.

But I wouldn’t try to interfere w/where he is now living.

Because that is an entirely different situation altogether.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once again, we can all say what we did, but we are not the generation that missed 2 years of their lives -- important years! Not going to school and not seeing friends etc is a very different experience and outcome. That's one point. The second point is that every kid is different. One kid might respond to your threats and one kid might not and things can get a lot worse. If that happens, you won't be there to see it and take early action and you may not know about it at all. I don't think his actions warranted being kicked out of the house.

Stop using Covid as an excuse. It's now been 6 years. Those kids (of which I have kids in that generation as well) were able to eventually go back to high school and college and get the physical contact that's needed.

The one thing that's different is all the focus on mental health well being. It went too far and now these kids lack grit/are becoming mentally weak.

Some of these kids, not all, are just behind in some ways due to Covid. That is not an excuse, but it is a reality. They might need more time in some areas of their lives. Some kids who are doing well and look great on the outside due to their accomplishments are still dealing with some of the effects, such as anxiety. Her son needed some extra time and with all the kids taking gap years and/or some time off after graduation to exhale, what is the harm in having him live at home and giving him advice/guidance, rather than booting him out? After he was kicked out of his home, the damage was done. Unlikely he will ever come back or consider that his home ever again. That is why I would focus on salvaging your relationship with your son. He get life advice from his grandfather now, whether solicited or unsolicited, and this is the man you were estranged from for some reason. Your husband needs to apologize to your son ASAP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. He's only 22, pretty much still a kid, and It sounds like he's doing productive things, and isn't sitting around playing video games. I'd let him have a year off break.

BS. That's why so many males are POS husbands, fathers, and basically worthless, because you women are sickening and baby these males. He is 22 years of age and old enough to drink, vote, smoke, drive, own a weapon, fight in a war, and fucckk. When do you consider males men, age 30, 35, 40.

Right!! I’ve been on my own since I was 19. When I was 22 I was a totally self sufficient college graduate.

Anonymous wrote:Is he helping with trash/dishes/cooking/walking the dog, etc?

If so then give him 6 months.

If he’s not pulling his wait at home, then I would give him 1 month.

He already moved out. First post of the thread

Anonymous wrote:If he made $40K in 3 months and he doesn't have expensive hobbies, he's doing okay. You can afford to pay his bills he lives at home. You're not about to rent out his room for $3,000 a month are you?

If he made that much money, OP shouldn't have to pay his bills. I'd still make him pay rent.

Is he helping with trash/dishes/cooking/walking the dog, etc?

If so then give him 6 months.

If he’s not pulling his wait at home, then I would give him 1 month.