Anonymous wrote:My mom made me a chocolate cake and invited the neighbors over to sing to me. Do NOT do this. It has been 38 years and i have not gotten over that.

What the HELL was she thinking?! Good grief, I am SO sorry you had to endure that, and then live near those people for years.

My DD is 12 and wants to celebrate when she gets hers with a cake and small party with female relatives. I've kept mum on all the negatives (I used to throw up and occasionally pass out when I got mine when I was young).

Anonymous wrote:Are people who "celebrate" periods the same people who send their daughters to dances with their fathers? Ick

No, no, just the opposite. Have you ever heard of Japanese Purity Ball? LOL. No. This is a MAGA concept.

A purity ball (or chastity ball) is a formal, prom-like event, primarily in the U.S. evangelical Christian community, where fathers and daughters dance and pledge to maintain the daughter's virginity until marriage. Originating in 1998, these ceremonies aim to strengthen father-daughter bonds and promote sexual abstinence.

Key Aspects of Purity Balls:

The Vow: Daughters often pledge to remain virgins, while fathers pledge to protect their daughters' "purity of mind, body, and soul".

Symbolism: Fathers often present their daughters with rings or other tokens as symbols of their purity pledge.

Cultural Context: These events are part of the broader abstinence-only-until-marriage movement, often designed to reinforce the father's role as the spiritual "head" or "protector" of the household.

Critiques: Critics, including scholars and feminists, argue these events promote restrictive gender roles, place excessive pressure on young women, and can normalize the view of daughters as property.

Prevalence: While popular in the early 2000s, they represent a specific aspect of "purity culture".

Note: The term "chastity ball" is less commonly used than "purity ball" in public discourse.

Are people who "celebrate" periods the same people who send their daughters to dances with their fathers? Ick

The way my mom framed it was that periods can be painful, uncomfortable, inconvenient, embarrassing and annoying. However, she emphasised that it is great that my periods are regular and my body is healthy.

Yes, she cooked special meals and treats for me which was really nice. My dad and brothers also made sure that I was not lifting anything heavy or doing chores. I was allowed to get a lot of rest.

I was not made to feel ashamed of my body or my being by my parents and family. I came from a very conservative and patriarchal society, but I was raised by very progressive and educated parents.

Anonymous wrote:I find all the "you're a woman now" stuff really cringe.

Look there's no real sugar coating it, periods suck. Especially when you're first getting them and they're unpredictable and you inevitably end up needing new pants while at school. It's okay to tell your kid something sucks but they will get used to it and find strategies to make it better. But it still sucks. Don't make a kid pretend otherwise.

Totally agree

I find all the "you're a woman now" stuff really cringe.

Look there's no real sugar coating it, periods suck. Especially when you're first getting them and they're unpredictable and you inevitably end up needing new pants while at school. It's okay to tell your kid something sucks but they will get used to it and find strategies to make it better. But it still sucks. Don't make a kid pretend otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:I’d rather it be celebrated than shamed. When I got my period, my mom cried! Ugh. I still can’t forget the feeling that I did something wrong.

When my daughter got her period we went out for a smoothie. Not exactly a celebration, but just some positive association with it.

That’s what we did. So glad the rest of you love to make sure body hatred is the first thing on the menu. I framed it as you know your body is healthy and doing what it needs to do, yay. She liked getting ice cream. The end.

No need to celebrate in a public manner. You can bake her a chocolate cake, make care packages, lots of protein rich food etc.

I started my periods when I was 16. My mom and grandmother were quite concerned. They basically took care of me using some of the same principles of postpartum care of new moms in my culture. Lots of protein-rich foods, drink made of roasted ground chickpeas and molasses, warm baths, hot oil massage, no TV (she said that it will weaken my eyes) during periods, no icecream or cold drinks. This went on till I was 18. After that I went to college .

Cultural celebrations of a girl's first period, or menarche, occur worldwide as rites of passage marking the transition to womanhood. Key traditions include Apache sunrise ceremonies, Japanese sekihan (red rice), and Tamil puberty ceremonies, emphasizing empowerment, fertility, and community support rather than shame. These rituals often involve feasts, gifts, and special, honored roles within the community.

North America (Native American Tribes): The Apache Sunrise Ceremony (or Na'ii'ees) lasts four days, involving dancing, singing, and rituals where the girl temporarily embodies "Changing Woman," a figure of power and resilience. The Cree and Ojibwe utilize the "Moon Lodge" or "moon time" for reflection, rest, and spiritual connection.

Japan: Families often celebrate by eating sekihan (rice cooked with red adzuki beans), symbolizing happiness and a festive, celebratory occasion.

India: Many communities, particularly in Tamil Nadu, celebrate with Ritusuddhi or "age attending ceremonies," which are often joyous, large gatherings featuring new clothes and feasts.

South Pacific (Fiji, Samoa): First periods are marked by gatherings where elders pass down wisdom about womanhood, focusing on health and community.

South America (Brazil - Tikuna Tribe): While not a "party," the first period is a significant, sacred, and transformative event, where the girl is often separated to learn about her new role, sometimes for several months, reflecting a deep, sacred transition.

These diverse, often celebratory traditions contrast sharply with societies that treat menstruation with taboo or isolation, highlighting the importance of cultural perspective in viewing this biological change.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. My dd would die.

+100

Anonymous wrote:Business class trip to rome

Unfair! I didn't get this until menopause.

Here are some great suggestions for a party:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gKNKUN7ShE

I get what you mean OP. Don’t listen to all these haters saying don’t “celebrate”. You don’t want her to be afraid and show her this is a new stage and she is growing exactly how she should. That is something you can celebrate for sure. Other cultures celebrate these things as maturity and growth.

I think you could do something special for her like something relaxing or ordering in all her favorite foods all day. Something to show her it doesn’t have to be scary, it could be a time when she relaxes a little more and does more for herself vs being on the go.

As she gets older, she’ll figure out how her periods will impact her activities or not, but you can’t go wrong by helping show her that periods can be the best time to slow down. And she might even enjoy that (eventually).

Anonymous wrote:I’m confused. DD got “their” first period, not “her” first period? I don’t know where they are in their transition journey, but I’d say following their lead is the best approach, as well as being respectful.

Way to ignore the “she” that immediately started the next sentence there

The fact that their is gender neutral means it can be sued to refer to anyone