Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually find it puzzling that people post on an anonymous forum and think everyone will be supportive. If you want to hear the answers you want to hear, ask your friends in real life.

I think there is a subset of comments that genuinely get mean and are inappropriate but a lot of times people are very directly and kindly telling the truth. I think women are not used to this in real life since we can lack directness face to face.

NP. There is some truth to this, but I don't think OP is talking about the comments that are direct and kind, but just disagreeing or seeing things another way. A lot of posters on here think they are "telling the truth" but are doing it in such a spiteful, mean way. Often you can tell that what is actually happening is that they are offended or defensive about some aspect of what is being asked or discussed, and lashing out to protect their egos.

You see this often in the parenting threads, and in relationships. Many posters are quick to jump all over the OP and it is not done in a direct and kind way. It's done with meanness.

I agree and it's also often done with a huge number of assumptions that aren't supported by the OP's post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually find it puzzling that people post on an anonymous forum and think everyone will be supportive. If you want to hear the answers you want to hear, ask your friends in real life.

I think there is a subset of comments that genuinely get mean and are inappropriate but a lot of times people are very directly and kindly telling the truth. I think women are not used to this in real life since we can lack directness face to face.

NP. There is some truth to this, but I don't think OP is talking about the comments that are direct and kind, but just disagreeing or seeing things another way. A lot of posters on here think they are "telling the truth" but are doing it in such a spiteful, mean way. Often you can tell that what is actually happening is that they are offended or defensive about some aspect of what is being asked or discussed, and lashing out to protect their egos.

You see this often in the parenting threads, and in relationships. Many posters are quick to jump all over the OP and it is not done in a direct and kind way. It's done with meanness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun

I’ve had times in my life when I thought being mean was fun. Looking back, these were some of the least joyful, least fulfilled, and most insecure moments I experienced. I always regretted my meanness, too — and life is so short.

I agree with all of this except the regret.

I don't think regret is particularly helpful, but I do think regret is warranted when someone is intentionally mean and realize later that the mean-ness was unwarranted.

There’s the disconnect. I know I shouldn’t say mean things. Even if a person really, truly deserves to hear the mean things.

So I don’t want to be mean for my own mental health, but I don’t feel past meanness was unwarranted, necessarily.

Is being mean ever warranted other than the self-satisfaction for the hit of feeling powerful for a few seconds? Do you thrive those seconds of feeling powerful by hurting someone else?

I would say that someone you think deserves meanness really deserves non-judgmental stating of facts for what is really no more than your opinion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people here seem to need a reality check.

There are a lot of posters here who seem truly unhappy with their lives and families, and they are critical of so much that happens in this world. Others seem clinically depressed.

Others seem overly pedantic or far enough along the spectrum, they should consider medication.

Are you the poster who always diagnoses everyone with being on the spectrum?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people here seem to need a reality check.

There are a lot of posters here who seem truly unhappy with their lives and families, and they are critical of so much that happens in this world. Others seem clinically depressed.

Others seem overly pedantic or far enough along the spectrum, they should consider medication.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people here seem to need a reality check.

There are a lot of posters here who seem truly unhappy with their lives and families, and they are critical of so much that happens in this world. Others seem clinically depressed.

Others seem overly pedantic or far enough along the spectrum, they should consider medication.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun

I’ve had times in my life when I thought being mean was fun. Looking back, these were some of the least joyful, least fulfilled, and most insecure moments I experienced. I always regretted my meanness, too — and life is so short.

I agree with all of this except the regret.

I don't think regret is particularly helpful, but I do think regret is warranted when someone is intentionally mean and realize later that the mean-ness was unwarranted.

There’s the disconnect. I know I shouldn’t say mean things. Even if a person really, truly deserves to hear the mean things.

So I don’t want to be mean for my own mental health, but I don’t feel past meanness was unwarranted, necessarily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people here seem to need a reality check.

There are a lot of posters here who seem truly unhappy with their lives and families, and they are critical of so much that happens in this world. Others seem clinically depressed.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people here seem to need a reality check.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun

I’ve had times in my life when I thought being mean was fun. Looking back, these were some of the least joyful, least fulfilled, and most insecure moments I experienced. I always regretted my meanness, too — and life is so short.

I agree with all of this except the regret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun

I’ve had times in my life when I thought being mean was fun. Looking back, these were some of the least joyful, least fulfilled, and most insecure moments I experienced. I always regretted my meanness, too — and life is so short.

I agree with all of this except the regret.

I don't think regret is particularly helpful, but I do think regret is warranted when someone is intentionally mean and realize later that the mean-ness was unwarranted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun

I’ve had times in my life when I thought being mean was fun. Looking back, these were some of the least joyful, least fulfilled, and most insecure moments I experienced. I always regretted my meanness, too — and life is so short.

I agree with all of this except the regret.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, some people are so stupid that the sarcasm nearly writes itself ("should I eat the pork I left in the car overnight in August?" "My husband has repeatedly cheated on me, but I don't want to wreck my family, should I stay?" "My kids teacher did/said _____, what should I do?" "My MIL/parents wouldn't let us eat while at their house, we were starving")

I could go on, but I really don't know how some people who post here actually function

I don't know, some of those questions must not be intuitive because they lead to interesting answers. To me, the obvious answer if people won't "let" you eat is just, eat. But people will respond that you are supposed to have packed nonperishable granola bars to eat in your room and then hide the wrappers discretely. I find that bizarre but posters act like that is the obvious correct advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun

I’ve had times in my life when I thought being mean was fun. Looking back, these were some of the least joyful, least fulfilled, and most insecure moments I experienced. I always regretted my meanness, too — and life is so short.

Anonymous wrote:It’s fun