Anonymous wrote:OP here, wow honestly this is very helpful. I’ve been moved by the idea of “moving the goal posts” and the autism suggestion which rings true. For example, she has a pretty strong personality and we fit well together, but sometimes her social skills fall flat in a way I can’t put my finger on. Nothing I’d ever considered but w the rest of the context it’s something to mull.

She is medicated for depression and goes to a therapist. This actually furthers my worry that I should talk to her bc I have been waiting for things to shift knowing she’s been seeking help, but seems like no dice. We’re on like year two or three at this level of functionality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is 35-year-old and single and living in a major city that’s not Washington DC. Her behavior or the last few years I have felt so confused by and I’m hoping someone can help me get to clarity. I’m gonna try this pretty fact base but with some color because I am her sister.

1) she does not take care of her physical body. She doesn’t shower regularly, she doesn’t brush her hair, and she is very overweight. She stayed with us for a week and did not shower. She also doesn’t wear make up or color or hair, and generally thrifts and wears stretchy clothes. She just fundamentally does not take care of her physical body and appearance in a way that would match social norms.

2) she has an app that “rewards” her for getting things done, like washing her face. So she is obviously having a hard time doing these things.

3) she sleeps about 12 hours a night and then three hours a day. She says she has chronic fatigue.

4) she has been laid off from her last two jobs over the last three years, although she’s an engineer in tech and I work in the same space generally so that’s not necessarily a flag, but it could be.

5) when she is awake and hanging out, she is happy, bright eyed, quick to laugh, totally plugged in and lovely to be around. She talks a lot about her friends, seems to throw dinner parties somewhat regularly, and has two or three clubs she is involved with, including dedicating about 10 hours a week to a food pantry every week. She is dying to date, but never gets second dates for reasons that I would assume have to do with bullet number one.

I am deeply concerned about topics one through four but then in the end she seems like she’s OK? But the fact that she can’t take care of herself is actually putting a bit of a wedge between us. She wants to go on trips and stuff and I just don’t wanna spends many days with a woman who has BO and it’s kind of a wreck.

What the heck is going on here? Every time I “know” it’s depression or something along those lines, something that I’ve seen before, she pops up, living her life, brightly and happily, but this cannot be OK, right?

She’s either a very depressed woman or a completely normal guy.

Anonymous wrote:I’d say depression, but I had a roomate in college who had schizophrenia who was also like this. My sibling has it too, but it manifests a bit differently. He’s not best and tidy but showers, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has an overbearing sister who gossips about her.

This is the OP. I’m gonna be honest —I’m very open to the feedback. If I really came to the conclusion that this was none of my business I would feel a lot better because I don’t really actually care about anyone’s shower schedule. But every time I take that position in my own head, I think no, this is not right. I’m not sure she’s OK at all.

Anonymous wrote:My sister is 35-year-old and single and living in a major city that’s not Washington DC. Her behavior or the last few years I have felt so confused by and I’m hoping someone can help me get to clarity. I’m gonna try this pretty fact base but with some color because I am her sister.

1) she does not take care of her physical body. She doesn’t shower regularly, she doesn’t brush her hair, and she is very overweight. She stayed with us for a week and did not shower. She also doesn’t wear make up or color or hair, and generally thrifts and wears stretchy clothes. She just fundamentally does not take care of her physical body and appearance in a way that would match social norms.

2) she has an app that “rewards” her for getting things done, like washing her face. So she is obviously having a hard time doing these things.

3) she sleeps about 12 hours a night and then three hours a day. She says she has chronic fatigue.

4) she has been laid off from her last two jobs over the last three years, although she’s an engineer in tech and I work in the same space generally so that’s not necessarily a flag, but it could be.

5) when she is awake and hanging out, she is happy, bright eyed, quick to laugh, totally plugged in and lovely to be around. She talks a lot about her friends, seems to throw dinner parties somewhat regularly, and has two or three clubs she is involved with, including dedicating about 10 hours a week to a food pantry every week. She is dying to date, but never gets second dates for reasons that I would assume have to do with bullet number one.

I am deeply concerned about topics one through four but then in the end she seems like she’s OK? But the fact that she can’t take care of herself is actually putting a bit of a wedge between us. She wants to go on trips and stuff and I just don’t wanna spends many days with a woman who has BO and it’s kind of a wreck.

What the heck is going on here? Every time I “know” it’s depression or something along those lines, something that I’ve seen before, she pops up, living her life, brightly and happily, but this cannot be OK, right?